By telling my DH that he can't get dreadlocks?

[TrixieB123]

I think he's having an early mid life crisis and has declared that he's growing his hair and getting dreadlocks. He doesn't need an excuse to not wash his hair as it is! Grubby sod.

Because dreadlocks ARE dirty and very smelly if not washed and maintained properly. They are not, as some misguidedly think, an easy do that gets you out of washing. As a pp said, she helps her oh maintain his, spending time on the roots and washing. I went to school when it became very fashionable to have dreads (90s). Loads of boys had them, nobody had a clue how to look after them. Thus you could smell them from feet away after 6 months or so. Our home room was rancid on a hot day.

There are dreadlocks and there are shitlocks. The two are incomparable. If you think he'll be the sort to have shitlocks then I don't blame you for not being impressed!

It's the tangle though. Fluff and debris get caught in hair, dead hair is present, and lots of dead skin cells. You can't get all that crap out of a tangle of dreadlocks.

Yeauch. Don't dreadlocks handicap a career a little?

You would be unreasonable to tell him he can't have them. You would not be unreasonable to be mortified by being seen with him, if it is really a mid life crisis thing and doesn't suit him. You'd have to suck it up though. This is why they make you take vows; in sickness, health and shocking barnet choices!

You can't dictate what he does with his hair as he shouldn't dictate what you do with yours.
My dp wouldn't dare tell me what to wear or how to have my hair.
I think dreads are lovely.
Not smelly or dirty.
Id have them if i didn't get bored with my hair so easily.

My OH and I both have a veto on the others appearance, we think of it as the sanity vote.
it is how our relationship works and we are happy it doesn't mean "you have bigger problems"

Wow. So much ignorance here about dreadlocks.
For a lot of people it is a cultural thing, and people who come from those cultures often find it offensive that people decide to have them as a fashion statement, as it's culturally appropriative.
They don't smell or get full of grease and dirt if you look after them. You can still wash your hair as normal, you just have to make sure you rinse it out properly.
And to the pp who asked if they handicap careers: what? Only if your employer is ridiculous. My husband has dreads (which we maintain very well) and he has an amazing career, a proper office job too! It only affects your career if they are very strict on dress codes, in which case it is the same as just having long hair.

They don't smell or get full of grease and dirt if you look after them.

but many people are reacting to the people they knew who didn't look after them, the people who thought it just meant not doing anything with your hair.

in which case it is the same as just having long hair.
having long hair handicapped my husbands career, but maybe a job in banking software wasn't the correct choice.

But its not ignorance -it's absolutely true that it is a fashion statement in some cases rather than a cultural one. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's how it is. It's also true that most don't know how to maintain their locks and then of course they smell. Unkempt, untidy, smelly dreads may be an issue in employment. The op thinks her partner will not maintain them.

If the OP thinks that her partner will not maintain them, fair enough. But my post was in response to the posters saying blanket statements like 'dreadlocks are disgusting and dirty and they smell', which is untrue most of the time.
They're only like that if you don't look after them or are stupid with them, which most people who have them (and I mean worldwide) are not. Proper dreadlocks are not disgusting or dirty and it is a harmful stereotype.

having long hair handicapped my husbands career, but maybe a job in banking software wasn't the correct choice

That's what I mean though, it's general rules about hair/appearance that relate to certain jobs. Dreadlocks =/= bad employment opportunities, only in places with strict rules about appearance. Again, you shouldn't make blanket statements. Lots of places of employment allow long hair/dreadlocks and other 'alternative' things to do with appearance.

OP, how can you bear to be married to someone who you have to remind to get in the shower?

Yanbu btw. If dreadlocks are difficult to keep clean, then they are going yo be minging on someone who cba with basic hygiene!

I think people should make some effort to be attractive to their partner. Why deliberately choose something that they find physically unappealing? I would tell me dh to have his midlife crisis in someone else's house!

There was a similar thread a while ago about dreadlocks on a dentist . Did not end well.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2018795-to-think-that-if-you-are-a-dentist-you-shouldnt-have-dreadlocks

Lots of places of employment allow long hair

It isn't about allowing though- you are seeing this in very shallow terms.
My Ex had very long hair, refused to wear anything but jeans and despite being a Doctor leading an eminent research group.

I travelled with him when he was presenting at conferences San Francisco, Moscow, Singapore- I could see the looks he was getting from other academic staff both at the conferences and dinners.

There wre no rules about his clothing.

I know his dress handicapped his career.

I'm sorry but, you have to remind your DH to take a shower???

If he's that nasty then dreadlocks are not for him. Yes, I think if you are so helpless that your wife has to remind you to shower, you do have to give up some say in appearance if that means something hard to maintain.

Also as Catbug says, many people would consider it cultural appropriation. Where I come from, white people with dreads get a lot of stick for it (unless they have some cultural connection).

I don't regard the matted clumps that white people end up with as dreadlocks. They are incongruous and very unattractive.

I've known a lot of black people with dreadlocks over the years and none of them smelled.

No. Of course not. I don't think all black or white men or women with dreadlocks have smelly hair. I think that some people, whichever colour, race or sex do not know how to maintain dreadlocks properly. In which case they smell, naturally. Nothing to do with racism. People are commenting in relation to the op which mentions her partner not being clean generally. It's been pointed out that locks are high maintenance and require cleaning and root work regularly and that his will smell if he can't be arsed to put the time in. If someone turned up to a job interview/work with unkempt, smelly and dirty hair I wouldn't be impressed, dreadlocks or not.

[TrixieB123] your original post was AIBU to tell DH he can't get dread locks. That's controlling and unreasonable. Telling him you don't like them is reasonable.

I'm more shocked that you knowingly married a shower dodger

As others have said, they're hard work to maintain and if they aren't maintained they look scraggy, straggly and unappealing imo, esp on Caucasian hair.

If an establishment wouldn't employ someone with dreads, I would consider them a racist establishment. What they are saying is "drop your culture at the door if you want to work for us."

Just because white people wear dreads for fashion (and apparently some people choose not to wash them!) it doesn't make dreads unhygienic or unprofessional. For most people that wear them, they are a part of their life.

That's like saying "you can't wear a bindi t work because they are festival accessories."

I think dreadlocks look crap on white people, they just look grimy and matted with fuzzy wispy bits sticking out.

His barnet though so his decision!

It's his hair, he can do what he wants with it. But to be honest, if he's already a committed soap dodger and finds having a shower too much bother than I can't see how he'll manage to maintain dreadlocks properly.

My was very fond of the expression "looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards". This effect could well be all that your dh achieves. With added dirt.

I think dreadlocks can look gorgeous. When I was first with my husband, I pestered him for ages to grow his hair and have dreadlocks but he preferred the bald look.

It's your husband's hair and if that's the style he wants, then it's really up to him.