To harbour murderous thoughts

[wowfudge]

about new colleague who is so bloody LOUD I cannot hear myself think. Yesterday I had to turn up the volume on my laptop to hear the presentation I was logged in to, even with in-ear headphones.

I wouldn't mind so much if the content of the conversations was interesting. Sadly most of it is business bollocks jargon and self-promotion......

Aargh!

Kill. You must. please don't be talking about me

I think everyone has someone like this in their office.

The lady in my office shreiks, squeals, shouts and runs everywhere constantly.

lois

I've made the mistake of staying at my desk for lunch while said person has been on lengthy conference call to their boss. I am going to craft a bingo card - might as well get some enjoyment from this drivel.

I may need counselling by the end of the day.

I would just ask him to keep his voice down as you can't think straight. Why should he behave like that while everyone creeps around him?

Oh I'm not creeping round this person - they are new so I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable.

There's just been some very personal stuff discussed - another colleague just emailed me (childish I know) to ask if I just heard what was said and was flabbergasted when I replied that it's their boss on the other end of the line.

I'd hate to think my new colleagues were emailing each other, discussing how annoyingly loud I was. It is childish, but you know that OP.

Suggest you mention to the new person, 'my goodness new person, this office has got much louder since your arrival, we're not used to this - fancy keeping it down?'

false smile?

otherwise, you need to move jobs!

When you are next on a call can't you just say "Sorry, could you keep the noise down? I can't hear the other people on this call"

If you need to listen to something it's perfectly reasonable to ask him politely to keep his voice down. Maybe if everyone keeps asking it will get through to him?

If none of that works you're going to need to ask that one of you move desks. Maybe if his boss needs these long conference calls he should just share boss's office?

I sit opposite someone who is CONTINUALLY either slurping coffee, eating noisily or sucking their teeth.

Murder has crossed my mind.

I constantly think about sneaking very strong laxatives (Klean prep or similar) into the food/drinks of people who annoy me.

I have worked with many overly loud, jargon-spouting, over-sharing idiots (my industry seems to specialise in them) and one thing they all have in common is they have far more mouth than trousers and tend to move on to a new company fairly swiftly.

My colleague asshole just said to his team member 'good thought pattern' in a congratulatory way.

I'm going to go nuts soon in a Michael Douglas Falling Down type fashion. Thought Pattern Boy will be first, to make an example of his twattery.

You might as well share the personal stuff with us OP, I'm sure your colleague wont mind