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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to just want our sex life back!

4 replies

FeelingDepressed · 24/03/2015 05:21

Name changed for this one.

When DH and I got together we had an incredibly active sex life. Once we got over being a couple of young rabbits the amount decreased, but still interesting and satisfying sex. DS1 reduced frequency further, as is normal, but still no complaints.

But since DS2 things have just hit rock bottom. DH has no interest at all in any form of sexual activity. We've talked a lot about it, and there are a number of factors behind it. He's been quite depressed for a couple of years now - we moved for work and have struggled to get to know people. He's working part-time in a job which isn't really what he imagined doing with his life.

He's also developed body image issues. He feels that with the depression and getting towards middle age he's let himself go, and I can't possibly find him attractive any more. No matter how much I tell him and try to show him this isn't the case, he can't get past it.

All of which have made things dry up completely. We've been through similar issues before but then he's at least been happy to help me out on occasions, even if not interested in anything himself. But this time he's not comfortable even doing that. He keeps saying to give him time to get himself back together, but it's taking longer than I think I can bear.

I'm just aware that this is now getting me very depressed, and affecting how I feel about the whole relationship. I feel emotionally isolated and lonely, and don't know what to do. Other than this DH is lovely in every way, but this is starting to damage us - I know that, but I don't know how to fix it.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 24/03/2015 06:12

What you describe you have together (sex aside) is a good, strong, honest relationship. I think you need to get help. Either for his depression or as a couple or both. Your solid foundation will get you through and this will pass. Good luck and Flowers.

Levismum · 24/03/2015 06:38

Really difficult situation for both of you.

I rarely advocate going to the GP but i really think it's time for some outside help.

Your talking about it so that is very positive. Best of luck. Flowers

LindyHemming · 24/03/2015 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeelingDepressed · 24/03/2015 08:31

Thanks for your advice. Interesting that you've all focussed in on the d-word, and linked it to lack of libido. Not sure that's accurate in our case. DH has suffered from depression on and off for all his adult life. He's had it far worse than this in the past and we've kept shagging through it no problem at all. He's not at the moment bad enough for Anti-Ds, so is managing it by other means, and has been better now spring is coming.

What the depression has done this time, exacerbated by the body issues, is give him a real lack of self esteem, which has affected how he views our relationship. Most of this we have managed to work through quite well, but sex is the one area we have struggled to make any progress, or if we are it's almost imperceptibly slow. He's not a cuddly person, but he's not undemonstrative, it's just when it comes to the bedroom there seems to be a block.

SummerHouse I hope we will get through this, we both want to, but I know I can't spend the rest of my life like this.

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