AIBU to expect nursery staff to be better at communication with parents?

[greenbean789]

DS is now 4 and a second year at the nursery. Last year was great, he had fab carers and his keyworker was exceptional. This year, after being moved to another room, everything has changed, including staff, and although they are good with children, they don't seem to care to share anything with parents. Every time I ask how has DS been, the only answer I get is "oh, fine". I try to push for more details, like how is he with other children, has he learned anything new and thing like that, but the reply doesn't go beyond 'fine'. I don't ask for much, little nuggets of info or few details would make me happy, even occasionally. Plus it's not like the staff is overworked. The nursery is private and quite on the expensive side, only five children per keyworker in their age group. Last year we had a better and closer relationship with the staff, they would tell us things like a new word used, or skill learned or just a general comment or even advice. I tried really hard to develop the same rapport with carers this year, including 'bribery' in the form of cakes and chocolates and Christmas gifts, but alas, nothing works. So I started to take it personally, thinking that I am rubbish at communication, I don't know how to be effortlessly casual and chirpy. AIBU? Or should I just take the view that their job is looking after your kid 9-6, that's what they are doing and that's the end of it and I am being too demanding (not that I ever complained or voiced concerns, tbh).

Do they complete a file with assessments? They should be doing, ask to see that, if they're not completing it complain to management.

In one hand I think yes they should be keeping you updated but on the other hand, a lot of 4 year olds go to school and they hardly tell you anything.

Are you UK?

Most kids start full time reception at 4 and are sent out to you in the playground. There's communication if there's a problem and then at parents evening. That's normal.

However you are paying so they really need to sort out their communication and woo parents or their business will fail.

As a cm I do a daily fact sheet detailing food/mood/activities/trips etc for not for my 4 year olds as they are pre/post school.

If I were you I would ask to meet with the manager for a chat and tell them how you feel.

Thanks all for being on my side! So it wasn't just my imagination then.
Alpacamybags, your nursery seems like an ideal one!
Pygamasandwine, yes, we are in UK, and the childcare bill is huge, I pay them more than I earn! I should complain, but to my shame, I am too intimidated by their managers, besides, I can't help thinking that complaining will sour the relations with the team, frail as they are.

They do have parents evening twice a year, but it's mostly generic information, like he holds a pencil and climbs a frame. In fact, in the observation chapter, where the keyworker needs to write his observations on following a child for few hours over several days, the page was full of post-its with just two phrases, repeated about 5-6 times: 'DS drew a picture' 'DS climbed a frame'. But what I want to know is what did he try to draw? Was he inspired by something? A story they read, or a character, or new game? I want to know how he did at his show and tell time, he always looks forward to it. But when I ask, the staff cannot even remember if they were present or not, and say that there were probably doing something else at the time. And my child is not bland, or boring not be remembered (well, all parents will say the same), he is bright and funny! Maybe it is just that staff is disinterested and don't like their jobs and children.

"Maybe it is just that staff is disinterested and don't like their jobs and children"

Possibly but he is four, not a baby/ toddler reaching new milestones. Do they not send drawings home? I think it's a bit too much to expect them to remember what each child was inspired by. However, if you saw the staff gushing about the other children the same age and their activities then I'd be quite concerned.

That would drive me nuts. We dont get very much feedback but when we do its informative. eg he was telling me about the flowers in the hall over lunch. He is talking more over lunch everyday.

If you are asking for more details you should be given them.

Communication has changed because they expect at 4 years old for him to share his day with you. Unless there has been a problem then things will have been fine. The whole point is to encourage you to speak with your child about his day and not them.

YANBU- communicating with parents, involving you in your child's education is a key part of the EYFS. If they are a UK nursery- private or not, they need to be keeping you informed & updated. Letting you know what your child's interests are, how they are supporting him, what he needs help with, what their strategies are with that & seeking your input. With lovely ratios like they have a "fine" is just not good enough. I would first be more direct with his keyworker and say you want more information on how your child is getting on & ask when a good time to have that update would be. (perhaps you are arriving at a busy time?) I would also ask to see his portfolio- with their observations and information on how these observations feed into the planning- for most centres part of an observation will include a 'what next'. For example- if they observe that your child is fascinated with cars, they might choose to set cars up in the sandpit to encourage him to also play in that area. I would want to see that sort of thing.

It's not being difficult, or demanding. These things should be happening as a minimum & they should be more than happy to share that information with you. It's their job. :)

Are you in Scotland?
The thing with the post its sounds like something I've seen in a couple of nurseries including ds2's.
It's often called a wow folder or similar. It is supposed to be basic kind of bullet points of achievements. Some nurseries do it better than others. Ds2's nursery donut well and we are encouraged to contribute things that have happened at home as well. It is packed full of stuff he has achieved over the last 2 years before he starts school this year. It sounds like what your nursery are doing but maybe not communicating very well what it is.

YANBU. When they do observations, it should be far more detailed than that! Eg- DS decided to draw a picture. He chose some paper and a pencil, holding it at first in his fist then changing to a tripod grip. He drew a circle on the paper 'that's the monster's face' added 2 dots and a row of triangles 'he's got scary teeth' before growling at a friend and running off laughing.
What next?- encourage him to finish his pictures before moving on to his next activity.

And at handover, a few pointers would be nice, like 'DS enjoyed playing with the cars today' so that you have a basis for starting a conversation with him. Asking what he did today is too broad a question for a lot of 4 year olds, leading to either 'I don't know' or the same answer every day (apparently my niece did nothing but dressing up and dinner was always chicken when she started school!) But if you ask him 'who else played with the cars?' Or 'which is your favourite car?' You're more likely to get an answer!

If you are in Scotland then you wouldn't be getting any more information from a state nurdery attached to a school. Unless there was a problem you would get a 15 minute slot at parent's evening twice a year or so.

I think you should speak to them and tell them you want more communication. As your dc is, more than likely, going to school in September they may do things differently in this room. My ds goes to half days at school, not full-time private nursery. At school we get sheet at the beginning of the week to tell us what they are doing that week. But we don't get daily updates, we arrive and take the kids. If we want to ask anything they ask us to do it at drop off or wait til all the kids have left at the end of the session. They would also speak to us if there has been a problem or he has done something particularly well. But no daily update like when he was in a private nursery and younger.

They do encourage the children to speak about their day, rather than them give the ins and outs. Have a chat with them and see what they say. It may not be down to staff not bothering, it maybe something they do on purpose.

Pressed post to soon. It maybe something they do on purpose, but haven't communicated it well or aren't getting it across well.

Oh and he does have a folder which they show us at parent consultations and we can ask to see it at drop off. The observations etc are all in there. Have you asked to see his folder?

We're supposed to show our planning sheets so parents can read them and know what is happening.

I think the wanting to know exactly what he has drawn may be too much. I can be at the drawing table and get no communication from a child or be told "Mrs Groovee I am busy drawing!"

If his drawing is coming home, then you can talk to your child with what is happening.

Maybe the staff don't have the confidence to give full run downs or maybe other parents have complained that they don't have time for full run downs

Do they have a suggestion box? You could suggest a feedback either on paper or verbally.

But do start to expect school and lack of communication. High School expects the children to pass things on and my 2 often 'forget'!

cronical ? would you really expect that kind of detail for all the four yr olds they mind? not sure how they'd have time to be recording all that for everyone. .

If you are in Scotland then you wouldn't be getting any more information from a state nurdery attached to a school. Unless there was a problem you would get a 15 minute slot at parent's evening twice a year or so.

Not at our school nursery. The staff always chatted to the parents at pick-up, pictures, photos, letters (including the school news letters) came home with the children and at the end of the year we got books containing more pictures they had drawn, photos and comments from the staff. Ds3 went to wrap round care and the staff always gave me a rundown of what he had been doing, eaten for lunch and snacks and who he had played with and all the embarrassing details he had given them of our home life.

Do you not get a handover when you pick up? Agree with a PP about just mentioning your concerns to keyworker and I'm sure they'd help. I do have to say though, 5 children still creates a LOT of paperwork.

Sorry if this is obvious, but have you tried asking open ended questions; "what did he do today?"

DD just turned 3 and is still pretty much non verbal so I rely on staff for feedback. They are all excellent, but one is a bit reserved and it's like drawing blood from a stone so if I ask direct questions I just get monosyllabic answers

Mine are both at nursery. I get a book home each day with how much lunch they ate, what they did that day in maybe five lines of narrative so for eg

"DD has had lots of fun playing in the garden with x and y today. She built houses with the blocks and listened to a Cinderella audio cd. She has also had fun painting "splat" pictures"

They normally tell me a bit about their days verbally as well. Let me know about any problems or any particularly good things they've done, have a bit of a chat about things generally and what they will be working on next week/time eg getting DS to try and use the potty more, getting DD to work on shapes a bit more etc.

It's a fab nursery, I don't know how usual or unusual that level of detail daily is. It's a private nursery but they both go for funded hours.

Shadow - are your children due to school receptions this year? I know nurseries for younger children work like that, but not sure they do when the kids are preparing for school. I think this maybe the problem, that its different for different ages.

My dc crèche is similar. Mine are in school now so just have after school care but when they were in Montessori I used to try get as much info as possible out if them every day. But then I decided just to trust them. The kids were happy and learning loads so I just left them to it.

I would schedule a one on one "parents" evening with the manager/ key worker whoever once every 6 weeks/ 3 months so you both have time to sit down and discuss progress. At pick up time they may be busy with other parents and children but this way you can have undivided attention.

My friend used to do this at her private nursery and many other nurseries do this as standard. However just because they don't tell you, doesn't mean they are not observing. They will have tons of stuff for their Ofsted inspection and your son will probably get it later in the year when he leaves.

saoirse sorry for the misunderstanding, that is an example of a formal observation of a child. These should be completed periodically (last time I worked in a school nursery it was only something like once a term we had to do them, DD's private nursery do them every 3 months). Not something to be done every day!