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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to secretly hire a cleaner?

33 replies

Uhplistrailer · 23/03/2015 10:49

I really think we need one, but after bringing it up with DP this morning, his reaction was a definite ‘No, don’t be so ridiculous!’.

DP works full time and is out of the house from 8 until 6. I work from 8 until 4 weekdays as a childminder (except today! Poorly children). When I’m working, I can usually manage to do a load of washing, a hoover around the living room and kitchen and to keep the kitchen fairly tidy. I cook most nights and generally do all of the rest of the housework and day to day upkeep of the house. DP is pretty good. He gets the baby dressed in the morning and does bath and bed at night while I’m cooking our dinner. He washes the car about once a month and if I ask him to do something like clean the bathroom, it’ll get done within a few days. Whoever cooks, doesn’t clean, so most evenings I’d like him to put the dinner stuff in the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen (I try to tidy as I go when I cook), but most mornings I come down the the kitchen is left in a bit of a state. Fine, but it adds another 10 minutes housework for me. Time I think I should be with the children.

I have lots of paperwork- I should be doing about 45 mins a day (but invariably don’t find the time) and I’ll be taking on 2 more mindees soon so my workload will be increasing.

Our weekends are BUSY and it’s not unusual for us to be away from the house all weekend. Neither of us really want to be cleaning at the weekends, but as I work from home, I need to ensure that everything is kept safe and clean. I'm currently getting up 2 hours earlier than everyone else to make sure things get done and even then the parts of the house i don't use for childcare usually end up being left.

I’d like to get someone in once a week for 2 hours to hoover all 3 levels, mop the floors and clean the bathrooms. Then with any extra time, clean some windows, wipe down the cooker etc.

We have a fairly modest income (Just over 20,000) and whilst being 30 quid down a week wouldn’t be ideal, we wouldn’t be going without.

Would hiring a secret cleaner be a spectacularly dishonest and stupid idea?

OP posts:

Charlotte3333 · 23/03/2015 10:52

I don't think it's a stupid idea at all, but it will backfire when he finds out (and he will find out eventually). Be firm and tell him you've hired someone and if he's upset by the idea he ought to feel free to pick up the mop and do all the jobs you've just listed himself. If he can't/won't, tell him to pipe down and let your cleaner get on with it.

Pomegranatemolasses · 23/03/2015 10:53

Yes - don't hire a cleaner secretly. You need to have a conversation with your husband about all that you do in the house. He's not listening to you, and doesn't sound like he's pulling his weight.

Get a cleaner if you need to, just don't do it secretly.

Discopanda · 23/03/2015 10:57

I know how you feel, it's all the little five minute jobs that seem to add up, especially when you're busy and have kids. I think you need to have a proper conversation about why you feel you would benefit from having a cleaner and how he can help if he's adamant that he doesn't want one.

AdoraBell · 23/03/2015 11:02

Hiring a cleaned - YANBU

Hiring a cleaned secretely - YABU because it shouldn't be a secret. There is moré than can reasonably To be expected To be done by one person.

Does he maybe think that because you are in the home during the day you have hours spare To do everything?

sunbathe · 23/03/2015 11:08

Could a cleaner could be a business cost, set against tax?

TheFullGammon · 23/03/2015 11:12

I think doing it secretly would end badly.

Tell him something needs to give, you both work FT and there are not enough hours in the day. Suggest options - you drop a day's minding (losing £x, more than 30), as a family you all do a dedicated hour of cleaning every Sat morning to do those jobs you've earmarked for the cleaner, or you get a cleaner.

Bilberrycrumble · 23/03/2015 11:15

Tell him you are going to hire one on a trial basis (3 months or whatever) that's a good compromise position. He'll see you are happier and less stressed and that's great.

You work in the home - pretty much full time - so it makes sense to free up time for yourself at other times.

But YWBU not to tell him and just hire one.

I considered that but just said I've had quotes, its this much, we are getting one and then I can guilt free get on with the stuff I want to do (I work full time).

Tobyjugg · 23/03/2015 11:15

If you can afford it, get a cleaner. Tell him though. Keeping it secret is a silly idea. If he still doesn't like it, give him a mop and bucket and tell him he can do it.

TywysogesGymraeg · 23/03/2015 11:16

I think your childminding business could hire a cleaner as a legitimate business expense, rather than you and your DH hiring one personally. That would be more beneficial tax-wise, but don't ask me to explain!!

Nolim · 23/03/2015 11:19

It should not be a secret. You both work so it is perfectly reasonable to hire help, i am surprised that you manage to look after children and clean.

What are his objections? Is it cost? Your sanity is worth more. Doesnt trust other ppl at home? Cleaning agencies have insurance and run background checks. Thinks that is is your job? You have a job already!

Can you suggest you give it a try, like a spring cleaning?

Abraid2 · 23/03/2015 11:25

I agree with TywysogesGymraeg.

Writerwannabe83 · 23/03/2015 11:26

Me and DH argued over this for about a year. Me wanting a cleaner and him thinking it wasn't necessary.

He went abroad at the start of last month so in his absence I booked an appointment for a cleaning company to come round and give me a quote for a huge deep clean of the house. They gave me a reasonable price and so I booked them. I told my husband about it when he phoned the next day.

He wasn't overly impressed but I was past caring

The day men start doing their fair share of the housework is the day they can have an opinion on whether a cleaner is needed or not

Nolim · 23/03/2015 12:06

I'm currently getting up 2 hours earlier than everyone else to make sure things get done and even then the parts of the house i don't use for childcare usually end up being left.

Dp and i had to do something similar (going to bed later) in order to keep our home somehow clean but it wasnt working. He suggested to take vacation days to clean. I suggested hiring a cleaner pointing out that our free time is too valuable to use it cleaning. Now we both look forward to cleaning day

Tell him that either he helps, say both of you wake up an hour early instead of you waking up two ours early, or you hire someone to help.

It is not fair to you to lose two hours of sleep.

ImperfectAlf · 23/03/2015 12:13

Whilst you are doing so much, he won't see the problem. The jobs still get done, right? So, either stop, (which you can't, because oF your job) or get someone to help. Such as a cleaner.
Imo, you WBU to do it on the sly, but YANBU

ImperfectAlf · 23/03/2015 12:14

Sorry, post too soon,
YANBU to Hire a cleaner.

Original poster

Uhplistrailer · 23/03/2015 12:25

His objection was cost. I can understand that spending money on it isn't ideal, but I think it'd be incredibly beneficial all round.

I won't be paying tax until 2016/17 as I've just come back from maternity leave, but that could be a good argument for long term.

OP posts:

Charlesroi · 23/03/2015 12:26

You'll be picking up some new business, so you'll have even less time to clean.
You need to have a professional working environment to keep earning the money.
You need to find 45 mins a day for paperwork
The rest of the house needs to be clean
The new mindees could fund the cost
Possibly a small saving on tax (suspect you could only offset the cost of the areas you use, as with gas/electric)

So, DH, unless you fancy giving me a hand with any of that we'll be getting a cleaner.

NeedABumChange · 23/03/2015 12:27

You are on just over £20k and you want to spend £1500 a year on a cleaner.

YABU to do it secretly, that's a huge proportion of income to not discuss with your husband. If he agrees then fine, but that seems like far too much of your spare cash. Could you agree on a once a month bigger clean?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2015 12:38

If he doesn't want to hire a cleaner he needs to do more. Chores are 50/50 in my house. I agree that you shouldn't do it secretly. I'm exhausted reading your post, you have long day op!

Original poster

Uhplistrailer · 23/03/2015 13:53

I'll have another chat with him tonight. The problem is he just doesn't notice the mess. He likes it when it's clean and tidy, but wouldn't be bothered if we lived in a pigsty!

OP posts:

Nolim · 23/03/2015 14:13

You notice since your home is your workplace. And your "clients" will notice. It makes sense as a business desicion imo.

Good luck.

hennybeans · 23/03/2015 14:17

Could you possibly set aside the £30 every week for a few months and then show DH that you can afford it as you've been saving all that money without it being a noticeable difference? BTW, I don't mean 'secretly' take £30 every week and tell DH it's for something else, but rather just £5 here and there out of your weekly budget.

It does sound like you have a lot on your plate and getting a cleaner is reasonable for that reason- except that £30 actually does sound like a big chunk of your income. I suppose if you can save £30 each week without everyone noticing, then you can genuinely afford it.

fieldfare · 23/03/2015 14:22

Call HMRC and see if you can put it through as a legitimate business expense. They may allow you to put a proportion through - however many rooms you use for cm'ing, as a percentage of your entire house. Then come back and tell me what they said as I'm a childminder too and get a bit bogged down with keeping on top of the house and the paperwork!
I've spent a rare day off today (kids ill) gutting the bathrooms upstairs and deep cleaning the bedrooms.
Don't do it secretly though, your dh needs to recognise how stressful living and working in a mess is for you and the impact it has on the whole family.

Original poster

Uhplistrailer · 23/03/2015 14:25

henny that sounds like a great idea. Thanks!

It does sound like a big chunk, i absolutely agree. I recon that if there wasn't so much cleaning to be done, then i'd be able to order our shopping online again instead of popping to the shops every day. I used to do it and we saved an absolute fortune on groceries. However, as it stands at the moment, i just don't have the time to sit down and do it.

Thanks for all the suggestions!

OP posts:

Akire · 23/03/2015 14:43

Its a tough one, if you can leav all the extra stuff your doing and he will notice and appreciate all extra you do (yeah right) or you will just get stressed out with all the mess that he dosnt care about.

If my partner was very anti then I would be tempted to do it on the quiet once or twice a month just to keep things ticking over. But only if I knew was that or keep doing myself.

Can you give her a list of jobs in the evening to do while you settle down with your paperwork? Not fair if he's clocked off once home and kids sort and then you have hours of house work plus paid work to complete.

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