To have said no to this request?

[Edenviolet]

Mil and sil contacted dh today to ask would he babysit his dn at the weekend. He mentioned to me that they had asked and would we be able to or not. I said no as

1. our dcs have all been unwell with infections/viruses recently and I'm knackered

2. we have a busy week this week and a lot to do at the weekend

3. I would like to spend time with our dcs/relax at home if possible and it changes the dynamics having dn round/to stay and is added work

4. mil and sil never contact me, never ask how dcs are or are ever available to help us or babysit when we have needed help

Dh replied that he had spoken with me and we couldn't to be told that we were being 'off' and that we would be in anyway and "one extra kid wouldn't make a difference"
Then the question was raised by mil as to why dh had even asked me? She had text him to ask him if he would look after dn and seemed to think it would be some sort of arrangement whereby I'd look after our dcs and dh would look after just dn??? Bypassing me in a roundabout way I think as I'd said no?
I literally hadn't heard from mil/sil in weeks and suddenly when they want something and we say no I'm the bad guy??

AIBU to be really pissed off and to think I'm right that regardless of how many dcs I have of my own adding another dc IS more work/stress and we are allowed to say no??! They asked a question surely they knew it was a 50/50 chance of yes or no?

Why would your loony MIL think he would take the weekend to look after someone else kid instead of his own leaving you to do all the childcare?

She's basically deciding your time by suggesting you go without your DH as co parent for the day

Hang on... Your mil is cross that your dh consulted you, thinking it has nothing to do with you. Yet she should be having nothing to do with this whole situation anyway!... Or can dsis not do anything without mil?

She meant we would all be together but that dh would be the one looking after dn alongside me and dcs In our house so in effect I wasn't meant to have a say in it.

They'll just have to get used to it, won't they? You and DH making decisions together, as you are married. Their response to omit you from the decision was off.

However I would feel sorry for them if this was an emergency type situation, a hospital visit for example. It wasn't something like this was it?

YANBU

Can you contact your sil and tell her the kids have all been ill and you don't want to pass it on?

You know you're still going to be the bad guy anyway but maybe less so if sil thinks her precious child might become ill.

It is because mil and sil wanted to go out together. They literally never contact me, mil never asks about the dcs so I don't see any reason why we should help them out. Its been working out fine NC

No, it wasn't an emergency, just going out.

Sil has not contacted me for months. It seems they only get in touch (with dh!) if they want something

How odd that your MIL doesn't think your DH should consult you about things like that. If I phoned one of my DBs and asked them to babysit, I would expect them to ask their OHs to double check that it won't interfere with any plans.

YANBU

Well you've no reason at all to feel bad. Your's and your husband's decision to make together entirely. Go out together? Hardly an emergency. It all seems abut entitled if you ask me.

YANBU. At all. Don't worry about it, "No" is a complete sentence, you are totally entitled to decline.

Hedge you have enough on your plate. Tell them to jog on!

YANBU we often have DN at ours, we are usually manipulated into it and it is extra hassle and work as there is more noise, mess and he isn't an easy guest. We started to say no (ie saying that it is extra work and we are tired) but the last time PILs came over they brought him anyway without asking.

Sounds like they didn't expect you to say no.

I'm quite surprised they think dh wouldn't speak to me about it?

Things have been very calm recently (hence my lack of posts moaning about x,y,z!) and there's been so little contact with both our families that this came as a bit of a surprise today.

Don't get me wrong, dn is lovely but her being here changes things drastically. Dn is quiet and well behaved but my ds1 (same age as dn) and dd2 fight over who gets to play with her.
Dd would never go to sleep on previous occasions dn had stayed and it was an absolute nightmare.

YANBU as you don't have to help someone if you don't have to.

However you have shut the door to any possibility of them helping you in future.

In depends how the relationship is, how old the children and how many hours did they ask for.
If only few hours then perhaps it would be smarter to help (could you take them to the park for a couple of hours?) so that you can ask for help in the future.

I meant 'if you dont #want#to'.

Laquitar

One doesn't do 'favours' to receive favours. unless that is talked about and everyone knows the score

A gift is a gift, no strings attached

If MIL and SIL want to go out together, is there no FIL and father of the child on the scene? Surely they'd be the more obvious candidates.