to feel hurt?

[mommy2ash]

i know i am being stupid, just need a kick up the backside to snap out of it :)

my sister had her first child two years ago and asked upwards of eight people to be godparents, each one more unsuitable than the last. the first few people she asked emigrated by the time the baby was born. then she asked two other people but changed her mind then settled on a lovely godmother and a godfather that was close to babies dad. she had kept bringing the topic up to me asking over and over who she should ask, at the time it really felt like she was wanting me to say ask me but i didn't think that was appropriate. people have always been surprised i wasn't asked as im very close to my niece and had a huge hand in raising her from birth.

she then decided she wanted to ask my brother to be a second godfather and her boyfriend then asked his friend to be godmother. my brother is in and out of prison on this girl my sisters boyfriend has cheated on her with in the past. my sister rang me to tell me and i rather embarrassingly told her she was turning the whole thing into a circus and instead of surrounding her baby with those who love her she was honouring people who couldnt even tell you the babies name, hung up and cried my eyes out. i know really really embarrassing.

we got over all that and now another baby has come along and ive just seen an announcement on facebook from one of my sisters friends saying she is godmother. this girl lives in another country and doesn't even have family ties here anymore, hasn't been back here in two years. i just don't understand why bother asking someone the baby will never know?

of course im not going to say anything i have no right and i know i am being totally ridiculous but to be honest i feel a bit used.

my sister isn't my little girls godmother as she was a child when i had my dd but she never forgave me for that. it wasn't my fault in my church the priest only accepts adults as godparents so it was out of my hands.

i need to get over myself now dont i lol

YANBU mommy, but I guess it's her choice.

I'm afraid your post does remind me of blackadder (not) asking Percy to be his best man

thank you whoopsbunny that gave me a laugh and reminds me of how much i have felt the first time around.

i think the hard thing for me is i know it is her choice and thats why it hurts. she picks people with unsuitable character that have no interest in her precious angels over me to spite me as she was too young to be godparent to mine.

I'm afraid her choice of godparent is none of your business.

It's about people she wants in her child's life; where they currently live is irrelevant.

Several of my DC godparents are overseas.

As soon as they were old ebough, they started to visit alone and they love it, great opportunity for both parties to develop the relationship.

I'd find something more interesting to think about!

That's harsh silver - of course the OP is allowed to be hurt. My family don't do Godparents but I'd be really hurt if my sister didn't ask me and asked someone else.

OP, YANBU, I'm sorry I have no solution.xx

I didn't have godparents for DS but my feeling was that siblings will always be a part of his life so I would have chosen friends, people who I think would give him support and love outside of his family and maybe bring a different aspect to his life.

It doesn't necessarily sound like this is the case with your sister but could it be a possibility?

you are right silver it is none of my business so i wouldn't ever mention to her that i am hurt. everyone was pretty shocked i wasn't asked first time around so i constantly have people asking about this time around. other people see how involved i am and they think that should be recognised.

the first set of godparents have had zero input in two years, the title means nothing to them but would have meant the world to me.

but yes you are right i just need to forget about it now.

mommy, glad I made you laugh - I would be upset too.

ms jupiter that was my reasoning my sister tried to used on my the first time around when she had asked my brother and he is our only other sibling lol.

my brother also can't believe i have never been asked and he has, he is the opposite of a moral compass.

she then told me she wouldn't ask me to get me back for not asking her ignoring the fact that i wasn't allowed by the church to ask her.

My son doesnt have godparents, but if he had, I'd agree with MsJupiter that I wouldn't choose family on principle - my siblings will always be in my son's life as aunts and uncles, anyway. I would choose unrelated people who would add a different kind of relationship. It seems to me to miss the point of godparenting to choose family.

But you and your sister clearly have completely different godparent philosophies, anyway - hers are (presumably?) secular, yours are religious. Perhaps her partner picked?

And honestly, you sound judgemental of her - maybe she senses your disapproval of her choices? Or that you feel she 'owes' you because you're involved with her eldest?

I find it very hard to imagine that she's borne a grudge for years that she wasn't picked as your children's godmother, although she was only a child at the time...?

my philosophies weren't religious. i just asked people i thought would be there for her growing up and be a good role model for her.

im not judgemental of her at all i love her very much and she is an amazing mum. i didn't think anything of her choice of godparent till she had finalised who she was asking and then added another set of the most unsuitable people on the planet, at that stage the whole thing seemed ridiculous as she had literally asked every friend she had plus our only sibling and i was the only one with any involvement with her child. you are right it is wrong of me to feel like it is owed to me but i guess thats how i felt. it was hard watching someone else promise to be there for her when i knew it was all for show and nothing else.

i also would find it had to imagine someone could hold a grudge that long but she told me that herself to my face. so i have always known i wouldn't be asked and why but im stupidly allowing myself to be hurt.