To want to leave family home?

[WishIwasanastronaut]

The background:

In the middle of a divorce which, despite abuse, is amicable (at least superficially).

Family home is jointly owned (50:50).

Our 2 DC go to school near my work which is approx 40 mins drive away from family home.

I have found a modest house for the 3 of us there. It is an expensive area but I can just afford it (although downsizing).

Ex-DP is prepared to buy me out of the family home as it will keep a constant for the DCs and will save him the expense of moving.

He has offered me a 25% increase in the price we bought our home for 3 years ago. We are having it valued next week and anything more than this I will keep in a % share of the home until it is sold.

Obviously I incurr lots of expenses such as solicitors and tax due to purchase if new home.

My life will be easier and I will see more of my kids.

Some family members are absolutely horrified at the way I am letting ex-DP "walk all over me"/"rip me off"/"getting exactly what he wanted". Is he? I really can't see this.
I don't want to live in the house any more. I wouldn't be able to afford it and it is too far away from everything as mentioned above. Tbh I was quite relieved he was buying me out.
I am now panicking as he was controlling and abusive. I am worried I am missing something.
I am on the verge of falling out with my family over this and I need to be sure I doing the right thing.

I don't think I'd want to stay connected to him buy still owning a % of the house if he has form for abuse and walking all over you. Why can't he buy your whole share and let you get on with buying closer to work?

Go with your gut,it sounds like a good solution. Although most resident parents would prefer to stay in the family home, you are lucky that you are able to get out and buy something suitable. Many STBXH would make it as hard as possible and drag out house selling/sabotage the sale.

Wait and see what the house if valued at and then decide if it's a good deal or not. Though if you can afford to go ahead and buy the house you want without the extra then I would do so, freedom and peace of mind must surely be worth more than a few extra grand. Obviously don't know how much £££ you are taking about though.

A friend of mine is getting divorced and is walking away with nothing from the house (mainly because of negative equity) - some people think she should 'fight for what she deserves' but I think she should just be glad to be legally separarated from someone she wants no association with anymore (which she very much is), the house is probably worth at most a few k more than they paid and if she'd rented during that period, the money would be away on rent anyway.

Basically money is not worth more than sanity and freedom

I think that you need to move house to get a fresh start especially after abuse. A new home is just yours with no bad memories. You don't have to let him in it or know the address if you don't want to.

So no YDNBU

Based on how logically you've laid it all out, I'd say it's absolutely the right thing for you.

Logic is good in these situations. Hold on to that.

Squinkies you are absolutely right but he says he can't give me more than that sum.
The gutting thing is, that the tax for buying a property is 10% so I paid half of that 3 years ago for the family home and I am now paying all of it for the new place. This means also that, although I will receive a 25% increase in property value, I will not receive much more than I put in, despite the market really taking off here and us doing a load of stuff to the house. Is this normal?

I'd get my solicitor to look at what's fair bearing in mind his income. Just because he tells you he can't afford to pay more, doesn't make it true!

Commit to nothing without legal advice.

I think since you're the one who is having to bear the expenses of buying a new home then this should be taken into consideration in your divorce settlement. But if it's going to be a lot more convenient for you to move then it's the right thing. Wait to see how much the house is valued at before agreeing on what he wants to pay you and seek advice from your solictor.