to feel a bit sad for dc#2 that his grandparents obviously aren't bothered?

[missmakesstuff]

Due any day with ds, baby #2, with dd being 5 and absolutely doted on by PIL. They are in Ireland however only see her every 6months or so, Skype, photos and phone calls each week, as they won't fly, and one of those trips is us going there, not easy as they live in the arse end of nowhere..
So DD is doted on to the point of it being a bit much sometimes, first/only grandchild so it's understandable. MIL has been going on forever about us having another, we finally manage it after over 2 years of trying and a mc.
spoken to her every bloody 5 mins with her asking has anything happened yet, but despite showing interest she now says they don't know what they are planning about coming over after he's born, and in fact might wait for the christening (we didn't have a christening with dd, had a naming ceremony as we aren't religious, they are Catholic and this caused huge issues with them saying they weren't coming to it. They did eventually come. We had this ceremony for DD when she was 6 months old.
so aibu for feeling a bit sad and pissed off that it seems they have no interest in seeing ds until he's 6 months old/At some point/oh we will see what happens etc..with DD they had to be told to hold off as I had a cs and couldn't face people staying in the house! Or actually am I just being hormonal and should be grateful they aren't planning to descend on us on the next ferry? Do people just not care when you have a second one?

Perhaps because you held them off last time the are trying to give you some space this time and waiting until you invite them?

So with your first DC, they wanted to come over straight away, and you (understandably) wanted some space. Now they are not coming straight over and you are still not happy?

In the nicest possible way, YABU.

I'd not be rushing over either if my DIL had stopped me seeing the newborn last time. A CS is no reason to ban guests.

Most babies are only exciting for their parents, numerous ones far less so to others.

I get the impression they are damned if they do and are damned if they don't.

However, some people are less excited by a subsequent baby, doesn't mean they love it any less though.

Maybe, had thought that..but I've asked them a few times now, said the last point at which he will definitely be here and that this coincides with dd school hols and her birthday..I expected them to wait till he was here to book the ferry, for maybe a week or so later at the most..but today this comment about waiting till 6 months is very odd! Maybe I'm just being over sensitive, family etc made such a fuss of dd, I've not had any contact with people from work and no 'sending off' when I finished, I guess I just feel a bit sad for him that with the second no-one makes a fuss. We spent so long thinking we wouldn't have another, he feels just as special to me as DD is.
I probably am over reacting. They were showering us with gifts, offering to buy things etc last time, nothing mentioned this time, but then I guess they've done it all once so maybe they feel that's enough. Which is fair I suppose!

I didn't stop them seeing her. I was very ill and in a lot of pain, in hospital until 3 days in, so only home for 4 days before we had houseguests, they are not easy house guests, as mil fusses a lot, very set in her ways about mealtimes, food, bedding, etc. they came two weeks after she was born and stayed well over a week. We have a tiny house. We actually invited them after a week at the same time as my parents, who also waited a week, and they said no, of course they would wait till my parents had gone home.
I wouldn't be over the moon with them staying when we have a newborn and limited space, no. I can't imagine anyone would. But they would be welcomed and I want them to be interested in seeing their first, maybe only, grandson, plus they would make a fuss of dd which would be lovely for her, with a new baby in the house.
I guess I just suck it up and be grateful, my parents are very excited as they live near us now and are much more involved day to day, plus it means no-one staying in those first few weeks so we can just enjoy ds and our new family in peace.

People don't bother as much with non pfbs

There was no ' banning' involved, jeeze, some people really do read what they want into a sentence! I just meant they wanted to come pretty much straightaway and Dh (see, not the wicked DIL) said it might be best to wait a few days as I really wasn't coping with the pain and could barely get dressed or stand They then said they wouldn't come at the same time as my parents as it wouldn't be fair to have an extra 4 adults in a tiny 2 bed terrace.

But then maybe you do have a point, maybe she has taken offence and thought about it fir 5 years and decided to be more laid back about coming this time. My worry is she will expect us to spend DH holidays going to Ireland to visit, which isn't easy. Not saying we wouldn't, we took DR for her first Xmas there, but it's just not easy or much of a holidaY for us.

The work thing is standard, we only do collections for first babies otherwise it can get very out of hand. We usually buy something that can be used with multiple children as saves on resources so no need for a second lot of plastic etc at the next birth.

It does work both ways though, did your plan to visit before then? If not, then both sides don't appear to make much effort.

No, I know I'm being unreasonable about work, just felt a bit deflated by the few close friends/colleagues not bothering really, but people are busy and have their own stuff to deal with, I should realise that my ability to finally successfully procreate isn't as exciting to them.
We do go as much as we can, but it's so far from all airports/ferries etc, cost so much for us all to go and whilst beautiful there, is invariably quite boring for dd as they don't really want to go out and 'do' things, there's no toys etc or children her age. last time we drove and I literally had to drive for nearly 12 hours, dd crying in the back for the whole journey, no sleep because of the ferry times and it was not fun. They are retired but aren't adverse to travelling, have money to do the journey, we make them as welcome as we can (not a hotel though, which fil would prefer, doesn't even make a cup of tea himself). It's just the difference between how they are treating the two as babies really, which is making me sad And worried their over the top fussing over dd (mil calls her little doll, dresses her like a dolly, grabs/holds her all the time, which dd doesn't really go for all the time) will be a contrast to how they are with this baby. But I'm probably over reacting.., I am totally being hormonal, due tomorrow and feeling really tired and uncomfortable. I guess I just expected more of a fuss. Ds won't know or care I guess how long it took them Toomey and see him! I should be grateful we have family close by and we will have our house to ourselves. My parents aren't the easiest to have staying for a week either, so maybe I should be jumping for joy! Not that I could, without wetting myself a little bit

Maybe they have just rememberrd that babies are dull as anything for the first 6 months so are waiting till the baby is a bit more interesting? (I'm pregnant too after lots of trying and MC too so Iam not anti babies). Just till they are 6m all they want is mum- it is easier for grandparents to bond with older babies.
YANBU to be over sensitive though!

Yep, thinking back I have remembered there really wasn't a great deal they could actually do while they were here with dd, as if she wasn't attached to my boobs she was asleep! I do seem to remember them expecting to feed her a bottle etc.
Maybe they are being kinder than I'm giving credit for, leaving us to it till we're settled. Just surprised they are willing to wait 6 months!