AIBU to wonder what is wrong with me?

[lemonlavendervanilla]

I am a regular poster but I've namechanged - I'm keeping this name but there was a lot of info floating around under my other username :)

For several days now I've had this horrible heavy feeling, so intently sad. I feel actually sluggish with it, like the sadness is a big meal that is wearing me down.

I'm unhappy at work, but am not in a position to change jobs at present so I'm feeling that that is a big weight on my mind. I get hardly any time to myself which I'm actually okay with as it gives me less time to brood but it does mean I get tired which I think adds to my low mood. I'm super sensitive and little annoying things are troubling me until the early hours of the morning.

I don't have much support in real life so am sounding off here.

Am I depressed? I feel I may be but I'm not in a position to afford counselling and ADs aren't for me, so do I just have to put up with it?

See your Dr. It could be a simple thyroid issue

It does sound as if you may be depressed. I'd see the GP. You may not need anti depressants - not everyone does and she may be able to help you get free or at least inexpensive counseling.

I am not a doctor so all I can say it that is sounds as though you may be. The first step is recognising you are not feeling like yourself - feeling low. Don't underestimate how being unhappy at work can make you feel. Please go and speak to your GP. The options may not be as black and white as ADs or paying for counselling. Don't suffer in silence.

Just wondering when you say anti depressants aren't for you- why?
If you were found to be suffering from diabetes would you also refuse insulin?
This attitude confuses the fuck out of me

Sorry you are feeling so low.

I agree with sharon, I use the insulin example very often when talking about antidepressants. I would also say though that counselling is always worth trying before going down that path, especially If medication makes you feel uncomfortable.

Do you have any hobbies or could you start one - something that is just for you and gives you an hour or so of time out a week?

sorry to hear you're feeling down, it sounds like you've got a lot going on with work at the moment, hopefully your circumstances around that will change at some point and you'll be able to look for another job. I'd echo what others have said go and see your GP, if you are depressed you should be able to access counselling or another type of talking therapy on the NHS. Hope you are feeling better soon.

I'm not actually registered with a GP at the moment - need to do this - but in any case counselling isn't really something you can just access, round here - there's a backlog of months.

As to whether I'd refuse insulin, I wouldn't as that life or death, but I do refuse medication unless it's really,really necessary - I don't take any medication regularly and last took a paracetamol I think in February 2014 when my wisdom teeth were playing up a bit, and so I'm not someone who turns to the pharmacist for solutions I suppose.

I've been at work and feel a bit better: mind is off it anyway. Whatever "it" is :)

I'd go and get checked out at the Dr. It very well could be a thyroid issue. So many of my friends have had problems like this.

Anti depressants correct a chemical imbalance in the brain. If you have a chemical imbalance that's all that's going to help to be honest. I really feel confused by those who would refuse medication when it's indicated like they are better people for soldiering on somehow

Feeling of dread or sadness not restricted to depression. See a doc. Hope you're better soon

I had this last week, in fact normally at least once a month, and felt like there was a heavy weight on me. I had no motivation and it felt like I was walking through treacle. I didn't even want to eat and was getting angry at quite little things.

It only lasted a couple of days and I feel back to normal now. I put it down to PMT, could it be anything like that?

I do refuse medication unless it's really, really necessary

I don't really understand this. Putting up with pain and discomfort when it's not necessary seems like a sure way to head towards depression if things aren't going right.

Life isn't supposed to be tolerated, it's supposed to be enjoyed! It's a heck of a lot easier to deal with it if you're not in pain, or if physical problems are sorted.

Medication also lets the body get on with healing itself. Eg, if you take a muscle relaxant, the muscles in an injured part of your body can then start healing, instead of being knotted up.

Google IAPT + name of your town/county. It stands for Increasing Access to Psychological Therapies, and in some areas you can self refer and get assessed quickly to see if counselling or CBT can help you.

But definitely get registered with a GP ASAP. Most surgeries if not all will offer a new patient check and do bloods to check for thyroid problems, diabetes etc which could be contributing to tiredness and low mood.

You don't have to understand it; just respect that it is my choice. I personally believe that drugs are best avoided unless absolutely necessary in managing a condition or pain that is otherwise unbearable. This doesn't fall into that category, so I won't be taking drugs.

There is no judgement there to those who do: I just personally choose not to.

I am feeling brighter today.

Thanks.

Ask your employer whether they provide any kind of employee asssistance. We do and you get 5 free sessions of counselling if needed. It's arranged in a week. The employer gets no details of why you had counselling.

If it only lasts a few days it could be hormonal. I get this awful feeling of dread and doom come over me when I'm due on. It's an intense sadness with a feeling that something very bad is going to happen. I'm alright again after a few days.

I only realised it coincided with my periods a year or so ago. Might be worth seeing if there is a pattern to it?

Glad you are feeling brighter today lemon ..hope it's gloriously sunny where you are ( it is here) !
I think you sound very sensible..you know you don't feel great and just trying to work out why.Ive been there. I think work worries can be a huge factor.Work is a significant chunk of your time so if you are unhappy there it's bound to seep into other areas.
I'm like you re medication..try to avoid it unless absolutely necessary.
I think action helps. Tackling ,even in a small way, what you don't like at work at the moment can help. Also, you say you don't get much time to yourself so it's even more important that when you do you make sure you do something you enjoy..no matter how simple it is. I find that doing something practical distracts me from the angst but enables me to turn over the issue in my mind so I come up with solutions etc. Even something like cooking a new receive..gives me thinking space but because Im a bit distracted I'm thinking rather than brooding if you see what I mean?

I have no useful advice but the description of how you felt really spoke to me. I feel very similar - I've recently lost a job which I loved and was very committed too and thought id be doing for several years to come. I feel totally lost and bereft and I find the weeks of taxi driving the kids to and from school/activities are stretching blankly in front of me. I am trying to snap out of it and use the time to get things done but it doesn't seem to be happening. I feel guilty as so many people would love to be in my position but I'm just so down.

Sorry OP didn't mean to hijack!!

Sorry to hear that daim.

Work will be okay. Difficult colleagues more than anything ( some more than others) - just make it all more stressful than really it needs to be.