to not know what do about this friend and my wedding?

[MrsUrquhart]

Sorry, another wedding one but it's not the main issue iyswim.

I have a friend I've known since school, and we were very close at school and during the uni years (although we didn't go to the same uni). Then I moved to London and since then we hardly speak. To start with I tried quite hard, texting and suggesting calls to catch up but she didn't seem that bothered. I also invited her to come and stay a couple of times and also texted her when I was going to be in her city. I have seen her maybe once a year if that for the past few years.

I would assume that she just didn't really want to be friends any more, which would be upsetting but not much to be done about it, except when I do see her it's lovely and like old times, and she calls me on my birthday and maybe once every six months apart from that. The trouble is that due to sporadic contact we don't really know much about each other's lives any more. For example, she hasn't met my fiance, we haven't met any of each other's (non-school) friends. She doesn't seem bothered by this.

When I got engaged, I asked her if she would take the wedding photos as she has a photography business and she said yes. But when we talked about the sort of photos I wanted (very casual, not posed ones) she didn't really seem to take it on board and said she thought posed ones would be nice. She hasn't been in touch since and now I'm wondering whether it was a good idea to ask in the first place, sort of mixing friends and business, because I don't feel like I can just state what I want as I would if she were not my friend (I have offered to pay her normal rates btw but she hasn't mentioned anything about it).

Basically, I'm worried it's going to be really awkward and I don't think I've handled things properly. Perhaps she really isn't bothered about friendship/wedding but doesn't feel she can back out? Can anyone give me any advice on how to proceed?

Are you paying her for the photos the same as you would have an unknown Photographer?

Sorry, just noticed that your wrote that you had offered!

If I were you, I'd send her a businesslike email detailing what you want and making it very clear that you intend to pay her.

Would you have invited her if she hadn't been a photographer? If so, you could also mention if she doesn't want to spend the day working, then you could ask someone else and she could just be there as a guest.

I'm not clear - is she your wedding photographer or not? If not, no need to invite her, there is not much friendship to salvage. If you are looking for a way to tell her no to being the photographer then just be professional and do it in good time.

I would find another photographer...then text or call her along the lines of 'Hey! Guess what, I went to a wedding fair and there was this new photographer there who's doing wedding shoots for free to build their portfolio! So they'll be coming to do that which means you get to relax and just enjoy as a guest! :) '

(But remember to fill in the photographer on the white lie!)

Could you tell/ask her what you've told/asked us? Maybe email or text and ask her for a good day/time to call her and discuss it.

FWIW, I think you should stick to your guns and have the photos you want (but perhaps a small number of more formal ones, in case you like them more than you think you will) - it's your money, so it's your choice.

Simple.

Pick up the phone and have a conversation. It's really not that difficult once you've dialled the number. Write some notes so you don't lose track and just tell her what you're concerns are.

Job done!

You need to INSIST on the type of photos you want also insist on paying her normal professional rate. - what is it with wedding photographers pushing their own agenda! If she won't back down, tell her you will get another photographer.

I would do it by e-mail, then you have (and she has) it in writing.

"Hi Friend'sname, I'm trying to confirm all bookings now for my wedding and wanted to be sure if you have a clear understanding of what it is I'm looking for, and if that's something you "do" as a wedding photographer, or if we should be finding someone whose 'style' is more similar to what we are looking for. Can you also confirm what packages you offer, for what prices, and so forth so it's all on a proper footing and there aren't any misunderstandings. Many thanks.."

I think she may have a point - even if you don't want a million posed pictures, you will have to have some where you actually gather together and look at the photographer otherwise you might find that you miss out on having, say one of the bride and groom actually together and smiling. I felt exactly the same as you, and didn't want to be buggering around for hours with different groups, but I am almost certain that my husband and I wouldn't have been in a single shot together had we not 'posed' for three minutes together.

(Sorry - not really what you're thread's about, but our photographer was a friend and I know that he found it hard to tell us what I wrote above because of that.)