DH makes arrangements with ex without consulting me

[Phephenson]

And these are arrangements that involve
A) me giving sole care
B) they actually breach a contact order

Dss's due to come on (amongst other specified weekends and holidays) for a 1 day o/n stay(court agreed and in order as a Monday) on a night at Easter aside from our normal alternate weekend stay.

Already agreed before this with DH that if he could swap a mon to wed this in the normal week this was due to take place would mean he could do all related pick up, drop off and this was fine by me.

Find out in an unrelated conversation with him that she's decided (and booked) a holiday for the entire week that covers a Monday (or compromise) Wednesday with no consultation and no regard for the contact order.

Kids had already told me they were going away with mum (great) but I assumed this would have been without overlapping our contact time, or that she would have at least asked him before booking???

AIBU to think that a) she should have made enquiries with him before making a booking and telling the kids
B) that DH should have said that he would get back to her before just agreeing it. He needs to be in work on this day he's agreed at 4pm. I don't finish till 6pm, we share a car!!

the issue about the holiday i think yabu. i don't think contact should ever be so rigid that it impinges upon normal childhood things.

your husband shouldn't agree to things that mean you are involved unless you have agreed so im with you on that one.

Thanks mommyash
Yes, I agree that holiday flexibility should be acheivable - what got me there is that we tread on eggshells about our (court allocated) one week summer holiday and take great care to avoid ' her' weekend and then she just books a week knowing it overlaps our time. I'm only asking that it's a request in advance (which I'm sure we can rejig and accommodate) than a demand post booking. No sane person is going to deny the kids a holiday, really - I'm not that kind of stepmother!!

Thanks for the support on b :-)

He's going to need to find a babysitter between 4pm and 6pm then.

I agree, if you are to be in sole care from 6pm onwards, he should have asked you first instead of taking you for granted.

Definitely NBU.

Thank you worra and velvet was worried I had a slightly addled post Ivf brain there. I'm not a stickler for the court order, blessed are the flexible and all that! ;-)

That title makes me sound like such a winger! I meant arrangements that are reliant on my participation .

Yes, he did.
The original arrangement would have taken place when I was working and he was not.
The one of agreement (made after she had booked a holiday) means that the court ordered contact cannot take place and she has offered up a different day instead, one where I will be taking care of them while he works some of the time - and there's two hours where we are both in work!!

I love my DSS - I frequently take care of them so my DH can work, I'm not totally unreasonable. Also I'm glad they are going on hols with their mum.

I just think she should have had the courtesy to ask if she could move arrangement before booking and DH should have asked me before bloody agreeing to the change!

*off, not of