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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think sex should be more than stress relief?

25 replies

MrsRossPoldark · 20/03/2015 18:43

My DH has never ever referred to sex as making love, or anything other then 'stress relief'. Now, he has just come home from 10 days abroad on business and rather than tell me he loves me and he's missed me, decided to suggest that since he had been away for so long, he was badly in need of some relief.

I've been without him and missed him while he was away having to deal with some pretty serious stuff on my own [as well as juggling the DSs, the dog, the house, my job] while he was away. Not even a thank you for keeping house while he was gone! He did bring me and the kids some really great pressies, but really?!

He also asked me 'during' to do some things I have never done before. He has asked me before but I have always made it quite clear "I ain't doing that". Why does he keep insisting?

What happened to the romance?

OP posts:
Mostlyjustaluker · 20/03/2015 18:52

This is not on but if it has been going on for 10 years then your OH must think you are ok with you. You must speak to him about this so he can put it right.

ocelot41 · 20/03/2015 18:52

Oh you poor thing. That sounds horrid. What does he think you are doing, servicing him or something? Have you talked to him about how that makes you feel?

AnyFucker · 20/03/2015 18:54

ugh

he treats you as no better than a blow up doll

irretating · 20/03/2015 18:56

Eugh, and YANBU. Does he see to your needs in bed, or is he quite selfish?

ARoomWithoutAView · 20/03/2015 18:57

In my view this attitude is becoming more common. It is prevalent in porn which requires action, action, action in seedier ways. Does he watch porn OP?

ocelot41 · 20/03/2015 19:01

Either that or he has ishoos around intimacy/ is worried about being rejected as it might feel easier for someone in that situation to ask for stress relief rather than to make love. ( grasps at straws)

Morelikeguidelines · 20/03/2015 19:59

Masturbation is stress relief.

Sex with a partner should be about more than that.

lomega · 20/03/2015 20:25

YANBU. You have your own desires, needs and wants in the bedroom surely, above being used to wank into (sorry for the crudness but that's how he's coming across in your op)

Tell him if he wants to relieve himself then there's a box of tissues with his name on it.

hiddenhome · 20/03/2015 22:11

Urghh, 'stress relief'?

Reminds me of one of those Youtube videos where a chimp is masturbating, gets bored and wanders off to find a female to shag Hmm

(not that I watch things like that of course)

Original poster
MrsRossPoldark · 21/03/2015 17:07

Ocelot41: he also refers to needing to be 'serviced' too! We are reassessing our relationship right now & I'm waiting for the relevant time to suggest if he needs servicing he can go & pay someone to do it.

He still hasn't shown me his photos of his trip away when he went on a tour of Hindu temples during the intervening weekend. I don't begrudge the trip, but we've just spent 20 minutes sitting on the couch watching the rugby, after I asked if we could look at them together. He's now gone up to the loo with his phone, saying he wants to play a sudoku! Now I'm wondering if he really did go on this tour & maybe he's deleting any incriminating pictures! He said earlier, when I asked over breakfast, that he didn't want to show me them as I wasn't there to enjoy it with him! WTF?!

OP posts:
ocelot41 · 21/03/2015 17:12

WTF indeed MrsRossPoldark....Wish I could help. How are you?Flowers

ocelot41 · 21/03/2015 17:13

'Serviced' is just...ghastly. What does he think you are? A hooker?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2015 17:14

Smells like bullshit to me. I'd hazard a guess that something went on when he was away.

MrsUrquhart · 21/03/2015 17:14

That is grim. I would be very offended.

HermioneWeasley · 21/03/2015 17:15

If I was with someone who talked about "making love" i would never have sex with them again. It's "shagging" in this house.

But "servicing" is just as bad, unless it's VERY ironic.

Weird about the photos.

RandomNPC · 21/03/2015 17:19

Have you posted about this before, under another name?

ocelot41 · 21/03/2015 17:21

I would go for making love over 'servicing' any day. Its 'having an early night' in this house...Wink

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2015 17:25

I don't care if people call it 'hide the sausage'. Guarding your phone, asking your partner to do things they have indicated they have no interest in and aren't doing, and calling sex with your partner 'servicing' and 'stress relief'? Yuk.

ocelot41 · 21/03/2015 17:42

I am with you. Degrading.

Original poster
MrsRossPoldark · 21/03/2015 18:03

RandomNPC: no, but I was watching a similar thread a while ago, maybe it's the same one? Obvs I'm not the only one with an unfeeling partner!

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 21/03/2015 18:27

It was the description of sex as being 'stress relief' that chimed with me.

Original poster
MrsRossPoldark · 26/03/2015 04:00

Had one of our regular 'we need to talk' sessions & got the issue out in the open. Hope he now understands why it's such an unkind way to refer to sex. Esp right now when I'm feeling very vulnerable/low. I need cuddles & reassurance, not to feel I'm being used. He took it on board but I doubt he actually understands, but as a bloke he prob never did get the emotional connotations as I never really told him clearly!

OP posts:
ScrambedEggAndToast · 16/04/2015 18:12

Gross. He's just using you as a hole to w* in.

Sorry to be so blunt.

printedflorals · 16/04/2015 18:21

Why did you up this after 3 weeks? Confused

HowDoesThatWork · 16/04/2015 23:42

Stress relief is an old euphemism for services offered by prostitutes.

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