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AIBU?

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Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
Enormouse · 21/03/2015 15:38

notin that's how it read to me too.

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 15:40

This is how you make it NOT sexist: let the men draw up a rota all by themselves

Corrected for actual not sexism.

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 21/03/2015 15:42

Good grief. It's absolutely sexist and 1950s. Let the men cook their own freaking food!

ClockwiseCat · 21/03/2015 15:44

Actually I will swim against the tide and say that (assuming this is real and that the texts were worded like that) the newbie's wife is a silly twat who needs to learn some manners. I would NEVER respond to a polite (if misguided) text from one of Dh's colleagues in that manner. I would simply use a variation of 'That doesn't work for me but DH will provide X on his nights.)

She sounds like bloody hard work - and great way to make the new guy feel like he's excluded. All he had to do was politely opt out or provide his own food. Now she's basically shat all over an arrangement that has worked well for years and put everyone's backs up for no reason. All she had to do was politely say 'No.' Confused

TheCrowFromBelow · 21/03/2015 15:48

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect

but I would enjoy eating this as well, not waving it off out the door to be dished up to the Night Shift!

I have thoroughly enjoyed this thread, particularly the short order breakfast man's balls getting in the way of his stew making skills.

Piper: if it works for you,and it clearly does, great, but perhaps in future the workers need to sort out a rota with new members, and the new members sorts out who does the cooking. I appreciate you sent the text with the best intentions but I think I would be a bit Hmm getting an email saying "we decided this ages ago" as I also work, I do not have the time to cook for 20 people I don't know.

Unless of course, they'd like to cook for my office on our tricky day shift as otherwise we have to scrape by with sarnies/soup/microwave meals/leftovers? (English Breakfast Man would be particularly welcome!)

I think her text was over blunt though, a polite refusal would be enough, no need to be rude.

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 15:52

She sounds like bloody hard work

See to me she sounds awesome.

GallicGarlic · 21/03/2015 15:56

I really think the reply was intended for the husband.

And funny!

ClockwiseCat · 21/03/2015 15:58

Why does she sound awesome to you Tentacles? Genuine question.

To me being polite and assertive is awesome. You get your own way without causing confrontation where none is needed. Being a rude arsehole when it's completely avoidable is aggressive, childish and unnecessary IMO.

ClockwiseCat · 21/03/2015 15:59

Which husband Gallic? The OP's husband or just winding up her own DH? Because that at least might make more sense!

GallicGarlic · 21/03/2015 16:00

Imagine you (woman) got a text from your co-worker (woman) saying "Hi, I'm Jane's husband. We have this thing going where we take it in turns to go in and clean all the women's shoes. Would you like to join in the shoe-cleaning rota?"

What would you think, what would you do, and how would your husband respond?

GallicGarlic · 21/03/2015 16:02

Clock, for some obscure reason Piper says she texted the other man's phone using her husband's phone. See above.

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 16:05

Being a rude arsehole when it's completely avoidable

Personally I think the OP's text was the rude arseholey one and the one that was most definitely completely avoidable.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/03/2015 16:09

I think Camolips might have the answer to the situation here:
Camolips Sat 21-Mar-15 15:15:48
"I thought that the new worker would see the text as it's on his phone, forward it to his wife, she answered back 'you're a load of sexist twats (meaning him and his mates) and he's sent it back to the op without realising Shock Could be wrong though!"

TheFormidableMrsC · 21/03/2015 16:14

Thumb....agreed....I think this is a huge misunderstanding. Oh dear.

sleepyhead · 21/03/2015 16:19

It'll be interesting to see how things go when the other partners hear that someone has finally stuck her head above the parapet.

I'm very doubtful that in a group of 20 there aren't at least a third cursing this arrangement.

Maybe it's like the emperor's new clothes and now the obvious has been stated there may be others who suddenly find its not really working for them either.

At which point nothing would be lost obviously because there are lots of ways that these workers could have a hot evening meal without the partners running a rota.

SunnyBaudelaire · 21/03/2015 16:24

"Imagine you (woman) got a text from your co-worker (woman) saying "Hi, I'm Jane's husband. We have this thing going where we take it in turns to go in and clean all the women's shoes. Would you like to join in the shoe-cleaning rota?""

excellent analogy Gallic!
so yes OP it is v 'sexiest' is your husband incapable of feeding himself?
As for the shoe cleaning rota, it would be, er no let the lazy mares clean their own shoes right?

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 16:24

I think if the husband sent it on then he is probably just as Hmm as she is.

SilverBirch2015 · 21/03/2015 16:25

I am gobsmacked that so many people think this group of women providing a batch cooked meal every night for their husbands is NOT sexist in any way.

It is certainly their choice to do this and ultimately up to them. But I am pretty shocked that this sort of social group serfdom still goes on and is considered acceptable.

GallicGarlic · 21/03/2015 16:33

Thanks, Sunny. Glad someone else gets it!

weeblueberry · 21/03/2015 17:07

I think its a shame this other woman is clearly fictitious because I want to be mates with her. Grin

Duckdeamon · 21/03/2015 17:08

I still want to know what you could cook and reheat later for 20 people with a George foreman!

bumbleymummy · 21/03/2015 17:19

Silverbirch - why wouldn't it be 'acceptable' if the women have decided to do it amongst themselves. It sounds like they are happy with the arrangement and I don't see a problem with that. The only problem is assuming that someone else will join in.

SilverBirch2015 · 21/03/2015 17:29

Bumbley, the OP's husband has form on subjugating behaviour, see one particular "light-hearted" thread.

Unfortunately this group of men and woman have normalised a pretty sexist behaviour as a "nice thing to do for their menfolk". This newcomer's partner has correctly called them out.

bumbleymummy · 21/03/2015 17:34

I haven't read any other threads by this poster.

I still don't class people deciding to cook for their husbands as 'sexist behaviour' in general. Are we supposed to avoid any cooking and cleaning arrangements because it conjures up images of 1950s housewives?

I think the newcomer's partner was rude. She doesn't have to join in but it is rude to criticise an established arrangement that they are obviously happy with.

ocelot41 · 21/03/2015 17:34

I thinks I luffs her. Can we track her down and give her a shiny big MN trophy for sticking up for yourself?

MNHQ, we need a trophy emoticon!!!