To wonder if I should have some 'therapy' or just get over myself *possible triggers*?

[ApignamedJasper]

I apologise in advance, this may be long.

In the last couple years since ExH and I split my life has been a total shit storm. I've had bad luck heaped on bad luck and for a while I just couldn't deal with it as it never seemed to let up. I just sort of pushed it all to one side and carried on because I had my DC's and I had no choice, I didn't have to time to fall apart.

Life is much better now, I'm in a much better place in almost every way but there are some things that I just can't seem to get over and move past.

A few years ago I started seeing a guy I worked with, he had a girlfriend and a son but told me and everyone else we worked with that they had spilt up and he was sleeping on the sofa while he looked for a place of his own so he could still he is son everyday. Eventually it transpired that he was still with her and was just using me for sex on the side. Then I told his gf (I wasn't going to but she found out through other sources and confronted me) what had happened and then got masses of abuse thrown at me from the both of them, all of a sudden they were a team again, ganging up on me to send me death threats and so on because I dared to expose him as a cheater.

This incident absolutely crushed me to my core, I had trusted him and opened up to him after escaping an EA relationship with my ex and the betrayal of trust just completely broke me. It destroyed my self esteem and I've never really recovered. I still cry about it now, how he could hurt me so badly and just not care at all.

Obviously there is a lot going on with my ExH, too much to mention here but that's a factor too.

I was also raped since then and that has been another thing I haven't really dealt with. I did report it, and I thought I was fine talking about it but then I broke down in tears during my interview. I did have one meeting with a rape crisis team person but she met me in a crowded public cafe and I couldn't talk about it there so I never made any more appointments.

Aibu to think that maybe I should have some therapy or councilling (whatever you call it) to try and move on from all these things now that life is so much better for me or should I stop living in the past and dwelling on it all and just be grateful that things have improved so much?

Anyone?

I think you should take whatever help you can get - you clearly have suffered a lot at the hands of others, and compounding that by replaying it over in your head is only helpful if you feel that it is allowing you to come to terms with things. If you are still feeling down and are finding it hard to move past the traumas you have experienced, then anything that makes it easier is a good idea. Apart from anything, you kids need you to be strong and capable - you wouldn't tell them to 'get over it' if they had been through this, so why struggle on your own if you could be getting help.

You have been through loads and there's no way anyone should feel they should just get over themselves if they have something that is bothering them.
I've had counselling for the after effects of a traumatic birth and found it to be very useful. However, I found it took me a while to find a counsellor I felt happy working with and also an approach that I could get on with. Should you want to go down this route be prepared for the possibility that things might feel worse for a while until you find someone you gel with.
Everyone deals with stuff differently but in general my experience of counselling has been positive and I certainly feel better for it.

Please go and see someone and talk it over. Being raped is not just physical and you do need help to deal with how you feel and to cope with the long term effects it will have on you. Your trust has been destroyed after a bad relationship, the cheater and then the rape.

Would really recommend counselling. You've been pushing stuff to one side for years because you had to, but it does catch up with you eventually and my that time it all seems like too much to bear. I had a complete mental breakdown before I accepted help. Don't let it get to that point.

The past will come back to haunt you if you don't deal with it.
Going through a rape is traumatic and you certainly need some help.
Go to your GP and get a referal and try Rape Crisis again.
Definitely don't try to just 'push' all this aside.
It won't help long term.
I'm so sorry you've had such an awful time but very pleased to hear your life has turned a corner.

Definitely counselling. You've been through a hell of a lot and the fact that you're saying you should 'just get over yourself' suggests that you don't really feel you're allowed to take your own emotional needs seriously.
Good luck and I hope things continue to get better.

Yes butterfly, that is very true. I worry it will affect my relationship with DP and the rest of my life if I don't deal with it because I'm so scared to be hurt again.

Simon, I suppose for so long I've just had no choice but to plod along and I didn't have the time or mental energy to try and deal with it, all I would do was cope from day to day to allow me to function.

Now things have relaxed and I have a bit of breathing space I do have a bit more time to myself to think about things. I dont feel depressed as I've been depressed before and that was very 'foggy', I feel clear headed now as I know what it is that's bothering me I just don't know what to do about it if you see what I mean :)

I don't have many RL friends so I suppose for a long time I've felt very alone and with no one to really talk to about everything!

You definitely don't need to 'get over yourself'. Sounds as if you've been thrown horrendous curve balls by life and good counselling can help you recover somewhat from it.
I second the recommendation to book yourself in to see your GP and get a referral. I hope things get better and well done for staying strong for your dcs but when the adrenaline goes we're often left feeling empty and bereft. I hope things look brighter soon.

I've got a counsellor currently and it's the best thing I've ever done.

If I look at my life, now I have more space than ever and that helps. What I like is that there's no expectation on me in the sessions, so one week we discuss my violently abusive dad (nc), sometimes my uncle who abused me and hell sometimes how works going and how small things there are affecting my self esteem.

It's helped massively, and I've discussed things that I didn't know even mattered.

I got my initial sessions through work (an employee perk they offer) but I then have continued privately.