To not want to go to the pub after evening class?

[pinningwobble]

I am currently doing an MA in an arts subject. All my classes are in the evening (they finish at 8.30) and my class always goes to the pub at the end of every class, with the two other groups who also have class on the same evening. So all in all about thirty people. I don't ever go for a few reasons:

1. I'm unable to drink alcohol and always get questioned as to the reason why

2. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have never enjoyed socialising in big groups

3. DH works a lot and Iike to get home to see him.

However I get loads of comments, like 'oh, she never bothers coming, she's a lightweight'

All my life I have been seen as very anti social/aloof because of this when actually I am just quite shy and introverted. I'm not sure how to deal with it.

Ignore it. I've had this forever - I don't drink and like to get home.

Never did me any harm.

That is not my cup of tea either, I just don't like going out with groups of people I hardly know. I also hate works outings.

Tell them you have to go home because DH has a hobby he needs to get to/you visit mum or nan after class etc.
Go along occasionally and just have a quick coffee. They wouldn't keep inviting you if they didn't like you? Just tell 'em you don't drink because you don't like it - I think most people will understand that these days.

Just ignore them. You don't owe them an explanation as to why you don't want to go. It's none of their business.

I wouldn't want to go either. You don't have too, it's not compulsory.

I hate works outings too.

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel like less of a social pariah!!

I don't think it's at all unreasonable not to want to go, but I actually think it might be in your interest to go. If it's an MA it sounds like it might be quite long term. You might enjoy it more if you made some friends on the course. More importantly you're likely to do better academically if you're able to discuss your work with others and pool knowledge about assignments, research etc. I think you might find yourself a bit isolated if you don't make a token effort with socialising. Not meaning to sound harsh as I'm not particularly social myself.

It's only a years course, theycallme, so I shall be done in September. I do go out with a couple of people one on one for coffee etc. I just get very uncomfortable in large groups!

O think if you refuse to go every time you will find group work difficult as things like this however arduous are where people connect and get to know each other and that invariably makes things easier when working with them so it might be worth considering going to a few.

I don't drink because I have spent years on anti depressants and high dose pain meds and tbh I can't be arsed to explain to people do also tend to avoid these occasions because being the only sober one when everyone else is tipsy at best is irritating so yanbu to not want to have a debate over it every time.

hope you find a resolution

Wheresthelight luckily no group work is required :)

I just get upset by the comments but maybe i shouldn't.

pinning - that's a lucky break! you just need to have some witty retorts for their comments. alternatively lie and tell them your orange juice is laced woth vodka!

I did a degree course as a mature student and there were plenty of other mature students, I made friends with about 4 people, not all mature students and shared my stuff and got feedback from them without the need to interact with large groups of people I had nothing in common with.
Do not feel bad, on the occasions I have gone to an event I have wondered why I am there and wished I hadn't gone, so now I don't ever go. Life is too short.

I'm an extrovert and love socialising.

I'm also doing an evening post-grad course 2 nights a week.

Wild horses wouldn't drag me to the pub after Uni on those two evenings. All I want to do is get home, put my pyjamas on and eat my dinner.

YANBU.