to be worried when 17yo DD doesn't come home, call, or answer her phone (not late night)

[MaresyDotes]

Am quite prepared to be told IABU. (have NC as I think DD and DH lurk on MN occasionally )

Bit of background: we live in a small town, DD goes to college here, it takes 10-15 minutes to walk there. She finishes at 3pm but stays until 5pm once a week for one of her classes, she and 3 other students are working on a project together. Tonight isn't one of the 'late' nights. DD does have form for setting her phone to 'silent' and not noticing texts. She doesn't stay out late, go partying, or go out with friends without needing a lift letting us know (small town, no friends nearby).

9:30 this morning I got a text, she asked if she and the other students could come here after school, they'd pick up frozen pizza on the way. I replied yes that's fine. (the shop where they'd get the pizza is on the way home).

At 4pm I figured they were in fact staying late, I sent her a text asking what time to expect them all. At 5pm I sent another text, asking if she was on her way, so I could put the oven on. At 5:30 I re-sent it. No reply to any of them. At 5:45 I started to get a bit worried. Even going to the shop and faffing about with friends, I'd expect her to be home before then.

At 6pm I called her friend who I know well and asked if she could send me mobile numbers of any of the other students (I do know the other students to chat to, I'm not a faceless 'someone's mum'). I texted two of the other students asking them to get DD to call me.

DD called a few minutes later. They'd been working on their project, all plans changed, they were now going to stay at college until 8:30pm to finish it.

I grew up in London so I think my 'warning radar' is a bit sensitive. A 17yo shouldn't have to account for every second of their time, and I don't want to be the dreaded overprotective mother. But AIBU to have been worried and did I over-react by texting her friends? If I hadn't heard anything at all until 8:30 I'd have been panicking.

I would've too.

I think you should maybe work on getting DD to be a bit more responsive to texts. I do not text my 17 year old very often but, if I do, I usually get a response very quickly because she knows I am worried.

I know this is my problem, not DD's. She should be able to have the freedom to do what she wants, but I can't help worrying when, like tonight, I realised that if she hadn't stayed after college like I'd assumed, she would have been 'off the radar' for 3 hours. I'm sure it's because I'm used to London, where 'missing for 3 hours' could mean a mugging or worse. But I don't want to come over like a nagging overprotective mum.

I'm really not sure if it's BU to be worried, or perfectly normal.

I think it's basic manners to text your parent or partner if your plans change like that. You were expecting her home at a set time because she said she'd be home then, to just not turn up for 4 or 4/12 hours is rude (and understandably worrying).

You are not being unreasonable to expect your DD to let you know if her plans have changed or to answer her phone.

I don't do curfews and am generally very relaxed about where my DCs are, who they are with etc. However I do expect them to give me an ETA, to let me know if they are not going to be home when expected and to answer their phones.

YANBU, your DD should have let you know, you were expecting them so of course you'd wonder.

I'd be pretty annoyed if someone didn't tell me, I'd want to pull on soppy clothes and chill out after work which I'd find hard to do if I knew people were coming over-even if it wasn't to see me.