complaint via pm in facebook

[oldguygirl]

ok maybe I am just old fashioned but why is it when someone has a problem these days they can't do anything face to face - its always by text or worse still- private message via facebook.
And then if you have the gall to say - you should have spoen to me about this face to face - they get the arse!!!

Because people feel braver behind a screen

because face to face ime tends to end up with people saying things in the heat of the moment and woth a pm / text / email people can take a deep breath and plan a response a lot better.

people generally don't like confrontation

true - I get that they are trying not to be confrontational but in a way it makes things much more formal than a quick word about something. Its also the attitude that I got when I said as such. I know that I am drip feeding somewhat but its one of the hings I hate about facebook. People hide behind it

Because people feel braver behind a screen

Agreed. This should be the motto for AIBU.

It depends. If you really feel you need to tell someone how you feel but they are the type to get aggressive or shout you down or turn on the waterworks and play the victim etc etc then writing something down ensures you get to say your piece and get it across in the way you want and they have the opportunity to digest it instead of leaping at you.

Some people feel bolder when not face to face.
Some hate confrontation.
Some don't want their words misinterpreted and twisted, when said verbally someone can easily deny.
Some people want the 'seen' so they know the issue has been raised- especially if all other attempts have been ignored.
Some people feel silenced and so have to resort to writing.
Some people may think your reaction leaves a lot to be desired or doesn't make for good engagement.
Some people are drama queens
Some people are passive aggressive.
Some people want to say over text/fb/watsapp and then 'punish' by giving the silent treatment when the other person tries to contact.

What attitude did you get back OP?

On the couple of occasions this has happened to me, I just reply to the message saying something along the lines of... 'sorry you are annoyed / put out but if it's really bothering you lets talk about it face to face, or you are free to ring me and we'll talk it through.'

Neither person ever mentioned it again! Says it all really.

I'm assuming this is in the context of friendships, in which case why is talking about something necessarily the 'best' way? Some people find it really hard to express themselves verbally and so prefer to write things down - I think it's a legitimate way to address someone, especially if it is a sensitive subject.

Sentences beginning "you should have..." are never any use to anyone.