To cut contact with ex?

[Sunshineismymiddlename]

I can honestly say ive ha enough I split up with exdp 2 years ago due to his infidelity and complete lack of support regarding our family
He always put us last never helped with dcs financially or otherwise.

When we first split he moved in with ow changed his number and didn't see or speak to dcs for 3 months I didn't even know where he Was living since then not a lot has changed contact wise he sees them as and when he feels like it sometimes going days and weeks without even calling if I call or message him he ignores it until he is ready to talk it's getting very tiring now.

In recent weeks we have tried to sit down and discuss proper contact with him seeing them once a week and eow he hasn't stuck to.

He is now going round telling people that I'm keeping the dcs from him and his family which I'm not he has also sent me texts saying to keep dcs and he wants nothing to do with me then changing his mind saying he wants to see them.
I want my dcs to have a dad and he can be a really good when he is around and not putting his gf and social life before them I don't know how to speak to him anymore and it is affecting my health for the last week I have been crying an so upset that I just want to keep him out of mine and dcs life for good.

I'm sorry it sounds shit
Your dcs deserve better.

Not an expert about the legalities but I think you need a legal agreement about contact in place. I assume from your op that he doesn't pay cs either? Get onto CSA and stop contact. Tell him to go to court for contact, cite the fact he is unreliable about seeing your children, it's not good for them to have this level of unpredictability over their father.

If he doesn't bother then that's sad for your kids but might save them heartache in years to come. If he does pursue it through courts maybe it will make him realise how much he needs his kids and help him stick to a mature agreement?? Either way, something needs to change, he sounds like a total Bellend.

Btw, ignore what he's telling everyone about you. Anyone who cares about you or knows him and what a prick he is will know it's bollocks, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I'd stop contact and write/email him explaining the reasons you give above. Advise him to seek legal advice as you will be happy to stick to a court ordered access plan.

Of course you want your DC to have a relationship with their dad but this is not fair on your children or you. So proper channels are best and you have the email as proof that you are willing to follow an official custody agreement. (Which I highly doubt he will either start in the first place or even adhere to).

Stick to email/text contact if you must communicate with him. All good if it goes to court.

He sounds like every other waste of space who can't be arsed being a parent but won't admit it. He will go around saying you stopped him seeing his kids for no reason, but believe me, most people will think he's a lying bellend.

No he doesn't pay cm but I am in the process of setting up a claim which I'm sure will cause another load of rows.

I refuse to speak to him on the phone so that I can keep all his messages to prove that I'm not lying about what he says its like dealing with a child.

Keep all texts from him. Make notes about any contact arrangements made and not stuck to, so if he's really late or just doesn't turn up etc, write it down. If you find yourself in Court over contact then those notes could be very helpful to your case.

He will never take me to court that is to much like hard work for him he also sees that as chasing me he's never had to chase me to see the dcs ever, I have always tried my hardest to maintain a relationship with his family and tbh if I hadn't my dcs wouldn't know their family.

I've just worked it out that he has seen them for 5 hours in past 6 weeks this is after we made a new arrangement.

Stick to keeping everything in writing and try to keep emotions out of it if you can.

It must be hard to watch, but if he can't make the effort for his own children it's not your responsibility to do it for him.

It so hard though trying to keep my emotions out of it as it's upsetting my dcs they tell me daddy doesn't love them an are always asking if he can come home ds 4 asked me why I made daddy leave it makes me so angry.