To feel the need for dessert forks in my life?

[NotLoveActually]

Just ate a slice of gooey chocolate birthday cake with one of my kids teeny forks. Lightbulb moment, I need dessert forks, like I want them in my life immediately! Text dh to tell him this, and ask if he sees any on his travels to buy them he basically told me to get over myself and stop buying crap we don't need so, AIBU?

My parents have fluking irons, soup spoons, grapefruit spoons and a marvellous implement for "spearing" pickled onions; it's a bit like a teeny tiny pitchfork with a syringe-like mechanism for pinging the onion onto your plate. I covet all these items.

YAVU to have made me realise that I too need dessert forks.

WTF are fluking irons? do I need them?

(I also have soup spoons, grapefruit spoons and a pickle fork with a syringy mechanism)

fluking irons???? ooh the pickle thing has also reminded me I've wanted a melon baller for ages

SomewhereIBelong I actually sighed in envy at your cutlery collection.

Fluking irons are what my father calls a large bone handled knife and fork especially designed in the olden days for filleting a large fish at the table; the knife is much wider and flatter than a normal knife and has swirly patterns engraved on it.

I want cake forks too.

lol, my mum will be pleased, she has all these: cake/pastry forks, dessert/starter knives and forks (smaller than dinner knives/forks), grapefruit spoons, pickled onion fork thingy, sugar shovels... all of which I used when growing up and I'm sure my life was richer for it . I'm sure she has others I'm not aware of. She even has a lovely wooden canteen for keeping the posh cutlery set in.

DH and I have 4 of the usual things and a few other random bits we've collected over the years. I really chaffs me to have to wash up one set after main course to use them for dessert. Seems to me like I know what I need .

My mil scoffed at my desert forks initially, but is now jealous and wants some.

When I moved out at 18, I couldn't work out what I would do when having toast or sandwiches as there wasn't any butter knifes in the flat I rented.

I asked my butler the exact same question the other day!

I have a pickle fork! It hasn't got a syringe, though, but otherwise it is perfect. I inherited it from Great Granny when we were emptying her house. I also have fish knives and forks and butter knives. Oh, and a proper big antler-handled carving set (knife, fork and sharpener).

Btw, DESSERT. As you were.

DH often tells me I am 'creating a monster' and asks 'what sort of passport do you need to enter your world?

I did feel terrible though!

Google has never heard of fluking irons (apart from golf clubs). What are they, o wise posters?

I googled fluking irons too. Thought they might have been a level of posh I'd yet to encounter.

Bloody hell, now my life feels empty and hollow because I don't have any either. How depressing to discover I suffer from DFE (dessert fork envy).

YANBU I have a handy pair of grape scissors which Hyacinth "Bucket" would bloody kill for. I find them a useful conversation piece when the vibe at dinner parties starts flagging

Point of etiquette - ought one eat fishfingers with fish knives and forks? Or is the humble fishfinger too proletarian for that?

I neeeeed those!

We have some (Amazon) they are perfect for eating fruit with, never actually get used for cake they were bought specifically for fruit

TooExtra I find the grape scissors make my life complete

Why can't you just use normal forks to eat cake with?

Sorry to be a pleb.

They are essential. They are so essential that Michael Gove charged the tax payer for eight of the fuckers, at a surprising £5.95 each.

As part of the £66000 he spent on 'essential' refurbishments of second homes in three years. Then his wife Sarah Vine ranted about the puritanical Millibands' kitchen in the Mail.

You couldn't make this shit up:
twitter.com/commissarisalvo/status/577930182637543424

I need grape scissors.... my cutlery collection is incomplete!!!!!!

(fish knives for fish-fingers only if they are made from whole bits of flaky fish - if cheapo sludge in a cover, then no....)

Your fluking irons could be what we call "the fish servery" ... a big wide decorative knife - with a fork with too many prongs... helps you slide a cooked trout fillet from the bone and serve it whole like this

We have cake forks, though in my house it is DH who insists on using them to eat cake rather than his fingers. Mind you his Mother has cloth napkins at every meal, got to keep up standards

Get thee to TKMaxx for dessert forks. They have some gorgeous ceramic handled sets in there. Or they did have not long ago...

Oh and she also always insists on a side plate for bread with it's own small knife. I have got DH out of that habit, we have enough washing up as it is!

SomewhereIBelong those are exactly like the things my parents have! No idea why my father calls them fluking irons though.