Spelling Bee

[RedButtonhole]

DS, who is 5 and in primary one, has a spelling bee at school tomorrow.

I realise I don't have much room to moan about this since we were told last week and I've done nothing about it and have practiced his words with him but I really fucking hate the idea of a spelling bee.

I don't think its right at all to stand young children up in front of the whole school and an audience of parents and have them judged on their academic ability in this manner. I have considered keeping DS off and am also wondering whether to tell the school what I think but at the same time I don't think they'll be interested since I've kept quiet until now.

Children who don't do well are "knocked out" and others will get prizes if they get far enough.

I just think its unecessary and don't see how it helps really.

AIBU? What would you do?

I love the idea of a spelling bee (happy memories of it in the Little House on the Prairie books). It encourages good spelling, which is useful. But 5 is too young. I would encourage him to compete though. The school should make sure that the first words are so easy that all the children can spell them, so that nobody drops out straight away.

It sounds like a horrible thing to put five-year-olds through. Being good at spelling doesn't mean they couldn't get confused or simply overwhelmed by the situation. It might destroy the confidence of even the most competent little speller. I say that as someone who'd have loved this kind of shite as a child.

But surely there's ways and ways of doing things, scathing? I thought most schools these days make a vague attempt to make sports day for five year olds something that isn't totally obviously competitive with one winner and lots of losers?

I would have thought loads of five year olds will find spellings hard. Plenty of ed psychs won't even test for dyslexia that early, so it's not likely that they get to 'opt out'. It just seems mean to all of them.

I think you're over-worrying. If it's handled well children shouldn't feel humiliated. Similar to sports day - everyone has a go and no-one really pays much attention to who wins, let alone to who loses.

And sports days add a whole level of horror to the lives of dyspraxic children. I've worked with a few, ones who would rather skive school than take part in sports events because they're so thoroughly bad at them.

Exactly. Which is why you don't make sports days whole-school events or, if you do, you make them non-competitive and structure them in a way which doesn't humiliate non-sporty kids. This spelling bee seems to be a whole school event and, when you make a dyslexic child stand up in front of the whole school to do something they are bound to fail at, they will inevitably feel humiliated.

Fwiw I've worked with plenty of dyslexic children and yes it would be hard and embarrassing for them, I just don't like the assumption that they get to opt out of things when other children with problems don't.

I'm not suggesting you let them opt out. I'm suggesting that you don't run this sort of event at all or, if you do, you make it voluntary.

Sure, in an ideal world children wouldn't feel humiliated by doing something they are bad at in public, but this isn't an ideal world. My view is that the remedy is to try to find opportunities for all children to excel in at least one thing. As a non-sporty child myself and a bad singer, when I was at school I was entirely happy to sit on the sidelines cheering on my sporty/tuneful schoolfriends - probably because I had my own chance of doing well in other things like acting and, indeed, a spelling competition.

Like others, I really don't see how this is any different to Sports Day for children who aren't sporty. Or the school play/musical for children who aren't good at acting/singing.

When I was at primary school, everyone had to take part in Sports Day; I always came last, in every race. In secondary school we had a different, pentathalon style, system - you collected points based on how well you had done in various athletics disciplines over the course of the term and could be awarded a Gold, Silver, Bronze or Blue Award if you accumulated enough points to meet the various thresholds - more inclusive, perhaps, but I still never even managed to scrape enough points for a Blue Award. No one had heard of dyspraxia when I was at school; I've now, as an adult, finally been referred for assessment.

The thing was, I still looked forward to Sports Day in Primary School. None of the other children teased me about being last (cough - team games were a different story - cough). I would feel disappointed, yes, but the only times I felt embarrassed or humiliated were on the occasions when I was shouted at when the assumption was made that I couldn't possibly be as bad as all that, so I must just not be trying. OR when a teacher, trying to be kind, offered to make allowances for me. OR when a teacher didn't allow me to even try because they thought I would do badly and didn't want me to be humiliated.

So to me, this spelling bee at your son's school - it's just another thing that will give some children a chance to shine; and some of those children won't shine in other things. No one is going to be pointing and laughing at the four and five year olds who get knocked out. And if it's handled well, with lots of praise and encouragement for effort, the children should enjoy it. And it's important for children to learn that making mistakes isn't the end of the world.

Sorry - epic length post!

hatethinkingup, you were unusually lucky if no-one ever laughed at you for coming last in races. And the fact of the matter is that even you admit that there were occasions when you did feel humiliated. I was another who was constantly coming last, and even if no-one laughed or made any comment at all, or even if they tried to be kind and supportive, the fact of the matter was that I knew I would inevitably fail and that I had failed, and I absolutely hated it. And there was just no need for it: they didn't have to make everyone take part in races, I could have got my exercise just as well by doing something non-competitive and by cheering on those who did want to compete.

It may be that no-one will point and laugh at the 4 and 5 year olds. There is however at least a danger that they may laugh at the 11 year old who can't spell as well as the 4 year olds. Even if they don't, that 11 year old will be only too aware of what has happened and no amount of praise and encouragement will change that.

Icimoi I see where you're coming from, I really do, but for me, the problem is that if you make events non-competitive, you then deny the children who would excel, (or simply benefit from the competitive environment) and might not excel at anything else from having their chance.

And if you allow children to opt out sometimes it's equally embarrassing. I remember trials for the County Cross Country Championships. I, initially, opted out from taking part. I really didn't see the point when I knew I would be last. But every other child in the class was taking part, so I would either have been sitting in the classroom alone with the teacher or sitting on the sidelines with the HT asking me why I wasn't taking part and telling me to at least be useful and keep an eye out for people cutting corners. So I grabbed my shorts and t-shirt and trialled anyway (it must have been a PE day for me to have my kit).

Allowing children to opt out can also then create this cycle of "can't do". Because it won't just be the children with dyslexia who drop out of the Spelling Bee - it'll also be the children who simply have low self-esteem (even though they might be very good at spelling and might do very well, they might just think they're not and won't) and the children who didn't bother to study and think "yikes, I had better get out of this", and so on. And long term, that's not going to do them any good.

Also, the fact is that life is competitive, and in life people do sometimes have to do things that they don't want to do, or they find difficult or embarrassing. If children are always allowed to just opt out, it's not going to prepare them for later life, it's not going to build resilience.

Hope that doesn't sound really harsh - I've been struggling with wording what I'm trying to get across in an appropriate way!

hatethinking - well put. I think that schools should provide a good range of activities for children to take part in, so that most children will have a chance to do well at something, and then just get on with it in a fun, non-judgemental way.

So OP how did it go? .Was it ok? How did your DS do? Did he enjoy it? It would be interesting to hear.

hatethinkingup, you were unusually lucky if no-one ever laughed at you for coming last in races

I don't think so, I never got laughed at for being last, my dd actually laughed at herself for being last, and very cheerfully said that someone had to be last and she was happy it was her. (you can tell we are not a family of runners) no body laughed at her at all. Never bothered me that much as it was one of those things that I wasn't particulary good at.

Also,my dyslexic ds who cant spell for toffee wouldnt have had a problem with a spelling bee. He is actually ok at spelling out loud, just cant get it down on paper.

Some children need to learn to lose and others need to have a chance to shine.

I'm unaware of any sporting event that takes place in primary school which involves telling children not to bother continuing if they are not as good as everyone else.

Actually it is normal as there are often rounds and only the winners go on to the final.

hatethinkingup, there is no need to abolish competition. You just don't have to impose it on everyone. After all, no-one expects that everyone will enter for the Olympics. OK, you didn't opt out of the Cross Country championships: did you feel any better for it? Would you have been harmed in any way if it had been made clear that there was no expectation that every child would take part so that more opted out, with another sensible activity put in place for the opters out?

They have been doing this with sport for years in the form of sports day. About time the not so sporty got a chance to redress the balance!

the 'Frasier' episode is the best take on this