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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Music lessons: someone slap me or pass the tissues!

32 replies

Jaffacakesareyummy · 18/03/2015 18:49

Paid for 3 years worth of violin and now Ds has decided he hates it, won't practise and wants to do guitar. So i compromise and let him do both, loads of moaning about Violin continues and now guitar teacher is annoyed at not enough practise too! ????????not enough hours in our week! So decided to stop violin which he is good at, now working on practising the guitar more so have now discovered he's actually quite crap at it!
Sad

OP posts:
itosh · 18/03/2015 18:56

I am a violin teacher… you have my sympathies. Everyone knows the violin is much cooler than the guitar.. (obviously I disagree)

Holepunch · 18/03/2015 18:57

Be glad he told you. I hated piano for at least three years before I got up the nerve to tell my parents I waned to stop. How much is that wasted in today's money?

I find it hard to believe that, if he's really talented at violin, he won't do equally well at guitar given time but if he's not practising, I'd stop the lot.

Yangsun · 18/03/2015 18:58

Frustrating but I think you have to accept when you pay for any type of hobby for dcs that they may not want to do it forever. His background on the violin has given him a degree of musical literacy that he will be able to use in future. He is also only at the beginning of guitar playing so he needs a chance for all that practice to pay off.

CapnMurica · 18/03/2015 19:07

I carried on with guitar and piano lessons, being told off and pressured to practice long past the time I had any enthusiasm for it.

YABU. Let him quit if he wants to. If he was going to make a living from it it would evident by now, and he would enjoy it! I hated the pressure and the fact that my parents would be disappointed if I quit. I wish they'd just let me without making it into a threat.

EponasWildDaughter · 18/03/2015 19:36

One of my DDs excelled at dance. I paid for twice weekly lessons for her for 5 years. Twice devastated the dance teacher by deciding overnight to give up dancing. She was amazing at it. Dance teacher begged me to make her change her mind both times. The second time she quit was forever :(

But what can you do? No good if they're not enjoying it.

EponasWildDaughter · 18/03/2015 19:40

Just to be clear - she loved the teacher, enjoyed the company of the other girls, had no problem with the venue - she just couldn't be arsed with it! Hmm What a waste!

wanttosqueezeyou · 18/03/2015 20:09

Surely he's crap because he's just started? No one is good straight away. Give him a chance.

supersop60 · 18/03/2015 20:14

Let him change - he may not have found 'his' instrument yet. He will have learned a lot of musicianship with the violin, which will stand him in good stead. ANY music making is good! Star

Pantsfullofsmarties · 18/03/2015 20:43

I've been in your shoes, 3x.
Let dc decide which instrument, anything else is a waste of money.

Fourthzip · 18/03/2015 20:47

What are you asking if you are being unreasonable about? Dropping violin?

DoJo · 18/03/2015 20:50

The skills you gain when learning an instrument aren't just about playing it - you learn to recognise patterns, read music (presumably he did!), even enhance your mathematical skills as you understand a different approach to intervals etc. He may take it up again later, he may not, but don't think of it as wasted money just because he doesn't want to play at the moment!

mygrandchildrenrock · 18/03/2015 20:56

One of my daughters had piano lessons from about age 8 - 15 when she said she wanted to stop. I said okay and then a day or two later gave her a bill for all the lessons she'd had (it was many years ago and it was over £2000). I told her if she carried on until she was 16 she wouldn't have to pay me any money back but if she stopped she'd have to pay me back at £10.00 a month for the rest of her life.
She was not happy but thought about it and said she'd carry on until she was 16. After a few months she thanked me for not letting her quit and carried on until she left sixth form, she was grade 8 by then.

ReallyTired · 18/03/2015 21:10

jaffa

The guitar is no an easy instrument it takes years to get good. Unlike the violin it physically hurts in the early stages. It is not reasonable to expect a child to do more than 5 to 10 minutes practice because of the pain barrier. He needs to develop hard patches of skin on his finger tips and strength.

The skills learn with the violin are transferable. The violin will have developed sense of pitch and your son has learnt to read music.

Original poster
Jaffacakesareyummy · 18/03/2015 21:16

How much practise do you think is reasonable?? The teachers suggest 15 mins 4 times a week. The trouble is once they have read, done homework been to clubs etc that's really hard to achieve isn't it?? Or is it my low expectations!?

OP posts:
Icimoi · 18/03/2015 21:31

I wouldn't have thought 15 minutes 4 times a week is at all hard. Plenty of children practise at least half an hour a day on top of all their schoolwork. If the clubs are stopping it, maybe drop one?

Original poster
Jaffacakesareyummy · 18/03/2015 21:40

Every day!? What age are we talking though?

OP posts:
DeeWe · 18/03/2015 21:48

I have similar in the early stages with ds (aged 7yo). He wants to learn the guitar, and we compromised on the violin. Because the guitar teaching round her focuses on the "pop" element, and they don't learn to read music or that sort of musical theory.

So what I've said is if he makes a good start with the violin and practices without complaints etc then we can talk about him playing the guitar too.

So far it's worked, and he's actually enjoying the violin and I think may well prefer it in the long run.

He has to do 10 minutes 5 days a week practice at present, and it really isn't that hard to find that time.

Mistigri · 18/03/2015 21:54

How old is he? Guitar is an easy instrument to take up a bit laterr and often older kids/ teens are very motivated by it. My daughter picked it up at 11 and two years she can pretty much play anything she sets her mind to.

It can hurt a bit at first but this is very temporary. My daughter used to play up to 8 hours a day when she first started!

To summarize. Don't pay for guitar lessons if he doesn't practice. If you're dead set in him being musical, then continue violin as that is not an instrument that can easily be taken up later. But tbh is a child who won't even play for 1 hour a week between lessons really interested in playing music at all?

UsedtobeFeckless · 18/03/2015 23:07

DS2 had keyboard lessons for a while and wouldn't practise at all so we stopped. A couple of years later he announced he wanted to try guitar ... He loves heavy metal and his teacher encouraged him to follow his interest - He's been playing for five years now and is a grade 8. I've never had to nag ... If they like it they'll practise! If yours wants to try guitar I'd let him, he'll be more motivated if it's his idea!

BackforGood · 18/03/2015 23:12

I agree with Mistigri - my dd has just taught herself guitar after a few sessions with her cousin showing her a few bits and bobs. As a teen, the motivation is there, combined with the musical knowledge she has from her other lessons.
I think nagging to practice goes with the territory for 99.9% of dc whatever instrument they choose though.

Shedding · 18/03/2015 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsedtobeFeckless · 18/03/2015 23:17

DS1 had clarinet lessons for years - his mate played and it got them out of RE - he never bothered to do anything at home and never really progressed beyond the novelty duck noises stage. Total waste of money! I'd be pretty ruthless about pulling the plug if he won't practise ...

MiddleAgedandConfused · 18/03/2015 23:23

What about a viola? He may like that more than the violin, but the switch is really easy.

DoJo · 19/03/2015 14:54

The trouble is once they have read, done homework been to clubs etc that's really hard to achieve isn't it?? Or is it my low expectations!?

Not if they want to do it...

SomewhereIBelong · 19/03/2015 15:09

DD - not particularly talented at piano, (as a parent am I allowed to say that??) but a grade 5 slogger - did about an hour and a half practise last night because she wanted to show off to her friends learn a Fallout boy song - if they want to learn they will practise.

make it routine -
up, washed, teeth, dressed, eat makeup hair practice....

or home from school, snack, drink, facebook whatsapp instagram homework smartphone practice, tea....