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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about 6yr old DS on farm

71 replies

wombatcheese · 18/03/2015 17:53

My 6yr old DS went to play at a new school friend's farm this w end. I just know the parents to say hello to.
when my DH picked her up it took him and the other Dad over 10 mins to find the kids in a barn. the Dad "hadn't seen them for a couple of hours". My kid is sensible (-ish), but not used to farms. AIBU to be pretty surprised the parents didn't keep more of an eye on a kid they'd invited round and were responsible for? the kids were fine, having lots of fun. can't decide if I'm being PFB here or not.

OP posts:
bearwithspecs · 18/03/2015 20:58

Aplaceonthecouch is totally spot on - Accidents can happen and ultimately it's like letting a child loose in a factory. There's machinery, chemicals, vehicles, etc. As well as the added unpredictability of livestock if they have any.

I would also question if the people who say its fine would be happy for 6 year olds to play in factory, on a building site, by a dangerous river or by a deep slurry pit unsupervised?

Farms are not like big safe gardens, woods, campsites or adventure playgrounds - romantic ideals.

bearwithspecs · 18/03/2015 21:02

Very true treacle, but people in England don't hear about it, unless you read the farming press etc People who live in towns and cities who visit open farms don't always have an accurate idea of the reality or working farms.

PuntasticUsername · 18/03/2015 21:07

YANBU. Farms can be very dangerous places - doubly so for a child who is completely unused to that environment and unaware of its hazards. In your shoes, I'd be livid.

Original poster
wombatcheese · 19/03/2015 09:02

Puntastic- the more I think about it the more negligent it seems. I hadn't thought of any concerns letting DS go to play with a nice kid with friendly parents. will do a bit more enquiring first next time.

OP posts:
bearwithspecs · 19/03/2015 09:33

The problem is that farming families often have a very laid back approach to DC playing on farms. Historically it has always been like that. They never think the fatal or serious accident will happen to their own children. Sadly it does happen in a very regular basis. They may think you are being over protective but read up on the issue and make your own opinion

derxa · 19/03/2015 09:44

I grew up on a farm and they are dangerous places. People have all sorts of strange romantic ideas about them. However if it is hobby farm then a bit different. I doubt that a couple of 6 year olds were placed in that much danger though. Surely the parents wouldn't put their own precious child's life at risk.Having said all that I do remember a sheep rushing at my brother and headbutting him and he also rode his bike into a string of barbed wire and slashed his face.
I do feel very sad however that my own dc didn't grow up on a farm. DB and were driving tractors and working on the farm from a very early age.
My own father is still farming and was riding a quad bike up to the age of 90.

sliceofsoup · 19/03/2015 09:51

I grew up on a farm, and was expected to stay out playing most of the time in good weather, some days we would get fed at the neighbours house, so wouldn't go home at all between breakfast and dinner. But that would have been older than 6. 8 probably.

But there is no way I would be letting my 6yo DD loose unsupervised on a farm. Livestock is dangerous, machinery is dangerous, there is so much they could be getting up to that could cause harm. Especially when a child hasn't grown up around it, there isn't the same awareness.

We had firm rules, but we weren't seen breaking the rules so they didn't protect us really.

Mrscog · 19/03/2015 09:51

I grew up on a farm and slightly resent this 'farming families are often lax' stereotype being bandied around. My parents certainly weren't, and the same for friends. At 6 we wouldnt have been allowed off for 2 hours unsupervised, but my parents were also very ho on educating us from an early age on safety and by 6 I would have been well aware of what to touch, where not to go etc. and was sufficiently scared enough to obey. In fact we were raised to be too scared of the farm if anything which led to us looking like 'wimps' according to some older family members :(

FrenchJunebug · 19/03/2015 10:15

I grew up in the countryside. Pretty common to be left to your own devices and I have all my limbs intact.

FlankShaftMcWap · 19/03/2015 12:54

I'm bringing my children up on a working farm and I'm certainly not lax about safety. All of my DC know the areas that are out of bounds, they know that if the tractor is coming back and forth they come back to the garden and stay there till it's safe, they know to stay out of the rams pen (we have pet ewes they can safely be around) and they know to stay away from the cattle entirely unless one of us is with them.
I always watch, always check and would never let 2 hours go by without doing so. They have plenty of freedom but I want them safe too! As a pp said, the farming community are much more aware of the frequency of accidents on farms because we read rural publications etc. Someone we know was recently killed in an accident on his farm and he had been farming all of his life, it's silly to assume children are safe when even farmers of 40/50 years are still at risk.

treaclesoda · 19/03/2015 13:40

I don't think farming families are lax about safety at all - they know better than anyone what the risks are. I just mean that a six year old who isn't familiar with a farm will probably be more inquisitive and more unaware of any danger than a six year old who has grown up withing a farming family.

Mistigri · 19/03/2015 14:04

All the farmers I know give their children a lot of independence, not much choice with the hours they work. My best friend is a horse farmer and her children help on the farm and with their severely disabled grandmother and have done since well before they were in double figures.

I remember when DD had just started school sending her and her little brother to play with a friend who lived on a farm (it was her teacher's son as it happened). When I arrived to pick them up, all four children - aged 6/7, 5, 4 and 3 were off on their own in the woods somewhere!

Nomama · 19/03/2015 14:22

3.1 children a year ... 10 kids a year die falling out of your windows ...3000 trip over laundry/toys on your floor... 30,00 are taken to hospital every year having drunk your cleaning products.

Farms seem quite safe in comparison!

TheFlyingFauxPas · 19/03/2015 14:27

Have people never seen Casualty? Hmm

Whitegrenache · 19/03/2015 14:28

My kids grow up on a small holding with horses sheep hens and dogs.
They often play in the garden and field and have a lovely time, although I generally can hear them!
They know never to approach the horses in the field and to stand still if they gallop about, and they avoid the pet sheep as she is a bit too friendly and likes to head butt the kids!!!
They also know never to go into a field with cows and calves.
They spend many an hour in the next door neighbours tractor happy as pigs in shit.
My childhood memories of playing on a farm in hay bales and riding on tractors are some of my very fondest.
I'm sure your ds was fine, but equally don't be afraid to talk to the mum or dad and ask about the dangers as I am sure they will be fine x

bearwithspecs · 19/03/2015 16:37

No mama the numbers are scary in relation to how many live on farms. The percentages injured are much higher than the percentage of all kids that fall from windows etc

Nomama · 19/03/2015 17:25

Bearwith... that doesn't make sense.... % are meaningless here... 100 % of 1 child, etc.

Far, far fewer kids live on farms than in houses! And it is evident, with a quick search, that kids and farms aren't such a high risk combination. Yes, farms. like any industrial site, are dangerous... but not the most dangerous place for kids, perhaps.

But if you want %
60% of ALL children under 14 (on farms or not) attend A+E for bike accidents
3% of toddlers (on farms or otherwise) die by drowning in the bath, ponds or the sea...
Kids on Humberside are twice as likely to die of preventable accidents than kids in the SouthEast
34% of all child deaths are transport related
29% due to asphysia

There are environmental stats and farms do not get a mention... urban areas and the home are the greatest hurters/killers of kids... hot liquids and windows are mentioned a lot.

So no, I don't think farms are scary. I think houses are! Them and then cars!

bearwithspecs · 19/03/2015 17:57

Are you saying that 60 percent of all children have a bike accident that results in A&E??? Or that 60 percent of A&E visits are bike related?

bearwithspecs · 19/03/2015 18:06

And 3 percent of all toddlers do not drown. 3 percent of toddler deaths may be due to drowning and not illness - very different things.

Nomama · 20/03/2015 10:59

I'm not saying anything.... facts and figures from RoSPA and ONS.

But yes, exactly as typed, I copied and pasted it, toddler % and all... and of course it means 3% of toddlers who die do so by drowning... that is what it says....

If you have a problem with how the stats are published, shout at them, not me!

Rednotpinkorgreen · 20/03/2015 11:12

YANBU. I was brought up in the country, and am a v hands off parent, but farms can be very very dangerous. Slurry pits, unpredictable animals, irresistible but terrifying tractors and machinery.

maninawomansworld · 20/03/2015 12:09

People who live in towns and cities who visit open farms don't always have an accurate idea of the reality or working farms

Agreed - prettified, 'open' farms set up for visitors are usually very different to working farms. All those fences and other 'safety' measures would make day to day running of a busy working farm a pain in the bum.

crapfatbanana · 20/03/2015 12:15

I too live in a rural area where lots of my kids' friends are from farming backgrounds. It always makes me anxious if they go to play at the farm as I know they do generally roam free with little supervision. So no, YANBU as there are more risks and dangers.

Last Christmas we went to a party at one of our friend's farm and it was in the cowshed. The boys were all climbing up these incredibly high stacks of hay bales and my kids tried to do the same but the drop was about thirty feet onto solid concrete. Confused

bearwithspecs · 20/03/2015 13:54

No mama you quoted figures out of context so they are misleading. The farm toddlers that die in slurry pit or ponds are within the figures. The child on a bike run over by a tractor are in the bike accidents etc Farming has the highest accident rate of all UK . The NFU and HSE campaign constantly to improve standards in the industry

treaclesoda · 20/03/2015 13:58

Where I live all the primary age kids get talks on farm safety, and wee booklets sent home with safety advice. It causes great hilarity with my city based friends, but it is all government sponsored, and I don't think they would spend the money on it if they didn't think it was a serious problem.

I think my (non farming) child knows more about farm safety than road safety.