about 8.5y DS, his friend, and 18+ games?

[DarylDixonsDarlin]

Ok I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible, I have a tendency to ramble...

DS is 8y 8m old. His friend from school is I think the same sort of age, give or take a month or two. Between them they've done the 'come to my house after school, we'll sort something out with our mums' which normally I have no problem with.

You know what's coming next, right - the other boy (who I should add is always lovely whenever I've spoken to him, well mannered, polite, never heard of him treating DS badly) is allowed to play 18+ xbox games at home, such as Call of Duty Black Ops, he has told DS the only games he has are 18+ rated . The boy in question has recently been in trouble at school for 'acting out' scenes from the game in the playground with another boy of the same year group, but afaik apart from that he's well behaved.

The mother and I aren't close friends, just on say hi in the street terms. HTF do I discuss it with her? Most important to me is how do I prevent DS being the subject of ridicule at school cos his mum has banned him from playing such games?

I asked DS for his thoughts on it - he agrees that children his age should not be playing games rated adults only. He isn't questioning my judgement. I asked what he would do if he had gone round there and I didn't know about the games, he thinks he would decline to play them (yeah right!) bless him.

Just realised its probably more of a wwyd than an aibu, but I'd like to hear the mumsnet collective wisdom and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has seen this unfold?

So as not to drip feed - I have virtually no gaming experience mega drive and wii don't count and I don't know a huge amount about the games in question.

unless your DS has been given access to such games at this friend's home, you don't say anything to her about it. How she deals with her DC is her business.

You sound like you're sensible...you've spoken to DS about it. If he IS ridiculed then the only thing you can do is talk to him about why he's not allowed it and why that's a good thing.

The games in question? I wouldn't allow an 8 year old to play. In fact it doesn't matter if you don't know anything about gaming - you're right to follow your instinct that an 18 game is NOT suitable for under 18s.

As to how you deal with it, I think a quick word to the mum. All you can do I think

You just tell the mother your DS is not allowed to play them

Forget the 'ridicule' as tons of 8yr olds aren't allowed to play them either

Don't be surprised if your DS also gets into trouble for acting out the games in the playground too, despite having never played them.

Overall just try to take it in your stride really. It's something many parents of Primary school children face.

I had same situation with same age DS. I would just tell the mother in an as non judgemental friendly manner as possible that your DS is not allowed on adult rated games. Up to her then if she thinks it is too much hassle to keep the boys off the games whilst in her house and not be keen on your DS coming round . How is she supposed to know you don't want your DS on the games if you don't tell her?

Agree with Worra you need to tell the mother straight that your DS isn't allowed to play anything above his age rating.

You don't need to mention specific games but just be very clear "I know some of the kids in class have access to higher rated games, so I just wanted to ensure you know DS isn't allowed to play any games rated above 8+ or watch films above PG, that won't be a problem will it?"

I agree next time your son is going to his friends house simply tell the mother that you don't want your son playing 18 Xbox games. In the past I have stood my ground on films and Xbox games that weren't age appropriate and my sons were much older than 8. You don't need to enter a debate about her decision to allow her son to play them - its simple your son your decision.

i let my son play them. but there is no way i would let him play them if he had a friend over i would only let him play games for their age. because if i choose to let my son play them, thats my choice but i have no right to put that on to another child or parent.

has your son said that he has played the games as well. or if he watches or anything. the parent might do simlar to what i would do.

Persinally I'd be asking a lot of questions. It's pretty slack to allow underage kids access to these things, does he have a much older sibling? Is he actually supervised at home when playing them? It seems unlikely he's getting the right support at home. Especially if he's acting these out. He doesn't appear to handle these with an adult response. But then he's 8. It's far too much to expect someone that age to take all those things in board and understand the kevels of wrong and inappropriate. Whether it's an adult encouraging him to engage in simulated violence or that there's simply noone monitoring what he's doing I'd be very reluctant to send an 8 year old into that environment.

I have only just let my DSs have 18 games and they are 16 and 14. No way would I let an 8 year old play them.

As mine were older, I don't make a fuss about them playing the games at friends' houses but this only happened when they were at secondary school. I don't know how I would have approached it in your scenario.

How about Year 1 children owning/playing them?

I would just speak to the mum, when he is going over. Just mention that you don't allow it. Tbh I wouldn't let fear of him being ridiculed stop me. Unless you are planning to parent him only how other parents do. There will always be parents who let their kids do stuff you wouldn't.

Thanks all for the advice. Perhaps if I invite him to ours first rather than the other way round, at least she and I will have had some kind of dialogue before he goes to their home and I have to mention that DS isn't allowed to play/watch the games. Might make it a bit easier to talk to her then.

Yes i agree with that notso, there will always be some issue i guess. Like lots of parenting issues this one has taken me by surprise, thought i had a few years to go before i had to deal with this kind of thing could be much worse couldn't it!

Theres no older sibling playing the games, I've heard a cousin mentioned and I got the impression the dad was a bit of a gamer. There is a younger sibling too, no older than 7yo

tell the school we have missives going round about younger dc being allowed to play older games.

I seriously doubt that most 8 year olds are allowed to play 18 rated games. My 7 year old had told me that loads of his class have assassins' creed, black ops etc. but I know that he is talking bollocks (quite possibly his friends are talking bollocks too). If your DS is ridiculed at school then deal with that as you would any bullying, with regards to this particular friend I'd tell his mum that DS isn't allowed to play games with a higher age rating, there's nothing unreasonable about this. It's her business what she lets her DC do but if she's arsey about you letting her know the rules you have set your DS are then she's being unreasonable and if it was me I wouldn't be happy to let my DC go round to her's.

OH is a gamer and plays black ops, grand theft auto etc but tends to keep these until after kids are in bed although DD 6 is unlikely to be interested and DS is only 16 months. I occasionally play too and assassins creed. We had this discussion one night and agreed DS wouldn't be allowed to play them in this house until 15 at the very youngest, if I knew he was going to a friends who played it id personally have a quiet word with the mum and just explain this and why. I know my two NDN sons have both black ops at grand theft auto and they were only 11 when they started playing these, much too young IMO especially for grand theft auto it has far too much swearing and nudity for my liking!