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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say to dd...if you don't know what anorexia is, you don't need to know about it..

26 replies

queensansastark · 18/03/2015 12:57

More a parenting question I guess. We were chatting about the "all about the bass" song and watching it on youtube, so we've previously talked about how magazines have air brushed photos and that Barbies body shapes are stick thin and unrealistic and could harm self esteem etc.. She gets all that. Then I asked whether she knows what anorexia is, she said no and I just said if you don't know about it ( as in have no concept of what it is) you don't need to know about it, and left it at that. Or should I have elaborated?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 18/03/2015 12:59

If you don't want her to know why ask? Confused

BuzzardBird · 18/03/2015 12:59

It depends massively on her age.

Original poster
queensansastark · 18/03/2015 13:00

I didn't know whether she knew the word anorexia

OP posts:
Original poster
queensansastark · 18/03/2015 13:00

Already

OP posts:
Original poster
queensansastark · 18/03/2015 13:00

Dd is 9

OP posts:
KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 18/03/2015 13:01

Knowledge is power.

Knowing anorexia exists can only be a helpful thing. Having some basic ideas about most common medical conditions is sensible.

thelaststripe · 18/03/2015 13:01

That's a tough one, how old is she? If she's around the internet and is curious, she might use that to find out and believe me, the # pro ana can come up with some incredibly warped ideas.
I think she might benefit from hearing about it from you so you can explain the dangers etc. If left to her own devices she might try and find out for herself, and there are some pretty shocking images.out there

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 18/03/2015 13:02

Oh, not at 9. I assumed she was teenaged.

Ignore my post.

Yes, too young. Tell her in a few years.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 18/03/2015 13:02

I think "If you don't know what * is, you don't need to know about it," is a bizarre - and untrue statement.

If I'd brought anorexia up, (no pun) I would have explained it.

OTOH, it sounds like you were having a really good and interesting conversation with your DD which is ace.

TheMoa · 18/03/2015 13:03

The word isn't what matters, I'd put money on her knowing someone with food issues, even at lower primary.

And if she doesn't know the word, you should have explained really.

She will probably ask around and either feel silly, or get some funny ideas, depending on her age and who she talks to/what she Googles.

Original poster
queensansastark · 18/03/2015 13:03

John Farley...maybe I should add the word "yet" at the end....

OP posts:
ApprenticeViper · 18/03/2015 13:05

I think that because you asked the question, you should have elaborated. If nothing else, you will have piqued her interest, and she may go and do her own research online now you've mentioned it.

Eating disorders in girls younger than your DD aren't unheard of, and although I completely understand you wanting your DD to remain innocent of this type of knowledge, if it was my DD I would rather the information came from me rather than her potentially stumbling across pro-ana websites while finding out what anorexia is.

Snozberry · 18/03/2015 13:10

I’d rather give my own age appropriate summary and allow an open discussion if she has any questions, rather than her researching it herself and seeing things she doesn’t need to see.

I don’t think it’s great that you planted the question then closed off the discussion. At the very least she should be able to come to you with questions if she does hear something elsewhere.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 18/03/2015 13:22

Really odd to ask her if she knew what it meant and then refuse to elaborate when she didn't. Surely she must have been confused.

Anorexia is a mental illness anyway, no one is going to develop anorexia because they were told about it. I'm sure you could explain in an age appropriate manner as we all do with many topics.

I've always spoken with my dses about mental health in a very open way because it's the field I work in. It's always been done in an age appropriate way and I think it's very healthy to do so. There is far too much stigma around mental health.

Momagain1 · 18/03/2015 13:29

I think, since you brought it up, you really must follow through with some sort of explanation. Otherwise, you have sent the message that some topics are taboo for her to talk about with you.

I would bring it up in context of other eating issues, not as a stand alone issue. Over or under indulging in food, drink, exercise or drugs are all potential bad coping mechanisms that adolescents and adults can fall into using. (Sex too, but if eating disorders disturb upyou, I guess you won't want to mention that yet). The details of any of these need not be taught, but the idea that she can be up front with you on any topic and you will listen and find help needs to be expressed.

viva100 · 18/03/2015 13:33

You should have explained. How bizzare that you said that. And if she didn't know about it before, she does now and is going to google it or ask friends/teachers, whoever, until she finds out. That's what 9 year old me would have done. Better to just explain yourself now.

Mrsjayy · 18/03/2015 13:33

I think because you mentioned it you should have explained a little more but you can tackle it again in a year or so eating disorders can be taboo and having a conversation about them is no bad thing

Mrsjayy · 18/03/2015 13:35

Seeing as you were talking about body image anyway i don't know why you didn't just say well anorexia is an illness

JohnFarleysRuskin · 18/03/2015 13:35

You don't really believe: "if you don't know what anorexia is, you don't need to know about it yet.." is true though, do you?
It just doesn't make sense at all.

Notrevealingmyidentity · 18/03/2015 13:38

Plenty of 9 years olds are anorexic sadly.

If you brought it up you really should give her some sort of explanation.

ThisIsOurBlanket · 18/03/2015 13:40

If you didn't want her to know what it was, why did you ask? Confused.

My DD is 7. I wouldn't bring it up, but if she asked me, I would just say something very simple like, it is an illness that makes people think they mustn't eat.

miniavenger · 18/03/2015 13:44

Do you really want her trying to find out herself? Which she may well do either now or later. She could google, at home at school or library, and accidentally come across pro-anorexia sites which will really confuse and mess her up.

Better for you to explain now so that she is aware. You brought it up, you've made it a potentially interesting subject in a way, better that you explain.

Madamecastafiore · 18/03/2015 13:47

I didn't know what it was called until I was dangerously underweight.

FenellaFellorick · 18/03/2015 13:48

I think you should have elaborated. You brought the word to her. Now she has this word and she's going to want to find out about it.

You had an opportunity to just say ok, well, it's...

Worst thing to say to a child is here is X, you don't need to know about it.

5 seconds later, they're on google.

Theas18 · 18/03/2015 13:54

What an odd attitude OP.

It's like saying, I dunno, if you don't what sex is you are too young to need to know.

Sure it's got to be age appropriate but there will be 9yr old with eating based illnesses and nor knowing that there are illnesses around eating /food control isn't going to help them get help, in the same way we talk about inappropriate touching etc in order to allow kids that have problems to know what's Ok and what isn't and give them the vocabulary to talk about it

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