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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this would be rude?

25 replies

stargirl04 · 18/03/2015 12:10

It's my friend's 50th and she and her husband and daughter are visiting me from overseas for the weekend. They originally wanted to meet me this Saturday but I was already committed to going to my partner's friend's wedding, so we are meeting on Sunday instead and they are going back home later on Monday.

They are spending the Saturday night in London, staying in Canary Wharf at a hotel, and then staying at my place in southeast London on the Sunday.

However, it will take an hour for them to get to my place on public transport on the Sunday. My partner said "tell them to get a taxi", when he has a car and we will be returning from this wedding in Essex and could go via Canary Wharf and pick them up.

But my OH says the car isn't big enough to get us both in and another three people and their luggage, which is fair enough. He proposes going home first, dumping our bags then driving to pick them up in Lewisham and asking them to get a train to Lewisham.

I just think this is rude, but I may be wrong and wondered what people thought? When I went to visit them overseas they picked me up from the airport.

When I said to my OH, why can't we drive back to pick them up at Canary Wharf, he said there was nowhere to park and after huffing and puffing, said "yes, okay, let's do that then", in an annoyed voice. So I said: "Don't worry. I don't want you inconvenienced, just drop me off at C Wharf on the way back from the wedding and I will travel back with them (on public transport) and can help them with their bags."

My OH has done a lot of running around for me lately and a lot of really big favours and I think he feels unappreciated - even though I took him out for dinner the other week to say Thank You - and perhaps feels this is yet another thing I want from him. I think he feels I'm taking advantage of him.

But it is also the case that he wants to do what is easiest and doesn't want to be inconvenienced.

The other option is that I pay for a taxi for them to come from C Wharf to my suburb, but going through the Blackwall Tunnel could cost a fortune if there's a long tailback, which there frequently is!

Would appreciate any thoughts or ideas please. Thanks.

OP posts:

Sandbrook · 18/03/2015 12:14

I'd tell DH your friend always collects you & you want to return the favour. One more favour and pay him back big time when they go

Jackie0 · 18/03/2015 12:20

I don't think it rude to not collect your guests.
If I were visiting someone I'd assume it was up to me to find my own way to their house.
The thought of them being rude wouldn't even occur to me, they are hosting an overnight stay, the only thought I would have is ' how lovely of then'.
If a lift were offered I'd feel obliged to accept but I quite enjoy trains/ taxis whatever, its part of the holiday.

southwest1 · 18/03/2015 12:25

Canary Wharf to Lewisham is direct on the DLR so I don't think its wrong to ask them to do that themselves.

EeyoresTail · 18/03/2015 12:26

How close is their hotel to the DLR station at Canary Wharf?
Have you checked if there is any engineering works on?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/03/2015 12:29

As they're over to visit you and they're not here very often and the wedding took priority so the weekend get-together has already shifted, I think I would have gone with the idea of the Canary Wharf collection point.

I know we might keep a vague score of 'favours' in our heads but don't they even up in the end, over time? As long as you're appreciative and don't take OH for granted. Sometimes there's a run of events where one person is in the position of being able to help the other, unless you take advantage and never reciprocate it just works that way

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 12:29

Yabu in my opinion. I am going to London at Easter to visit friends and getting a train to London then the tube to where they live. Wouldn't have occurred to me that they should pick me up when I get to London, tbh, especially if it meant a 2 hour round trip.

thatsucks · 18/03/2015 12:30

I don't think it's rude - there's no room in car for everyone so he's picking them up from nearest station. That's fine - they are 50 not elderly!

Also I think it would be making a right awkward to do of it if you travel with them by train. Don't over explain or apologise, just say 'great OH will pick you up from Lewisham, give us a rough ETA'.

Thurlow · 18/03/2015 12:34

I think the London factor changes it slightly.

Whenever we had friends to stay they'd generally make it to our local Tube or train station, rather than us travelling all the way into a main London station. Ditto if we go and see friends in London now we've moved out.

If you lived in a smaller town I would say it would be rude not to pick them up from a train station if it was only a 5-10 minute drive away. But a big city is different.

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2015 12:35

An hour is nothing on public transport

But why do you expect your DH to do all the driving?

Do you drive at all?

Original poster

stargirl04 · 18/03/2015 12:53

WorraLiberty - we are not married and live separately. It is his car and I am not insured to drive it. I am going to this wedding with him because they're his friends and he wants me to go with him.

To everyone else - thanks for your thoughts. I just didn't want to offend my friends but it is really, really helpful to hear your honest feedback.

Many thanks!

OP posts:

Original poster

stargirl04 · 18/03/2015 12:54

And just to clarify - the wedding arrangements were made before my friends decided they wanted to visit me.

OP posts:

xiaozhu · 18/03/2015 12:58

Lewisham to Canary Wharf really isn't that far on the DLR - no need to change or anything...

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 13:09

So if your oh was busy or you weren't with him, what would you have done?

Original poster

stargirl04 · 18/03/2015 13:29

Good question, Notsolovely. I wouldn't be going to any wedding and would have probably gone into central London to meet my friends and bring them back with me. Things would have been a lot easier if they'd stayed centrally rather than at CW, but I did tell them this... they must have got a much better deal in CW.

OP posts:

sqibble · 18/03/2015 13:59

I'm from London (but don't live there now) and it wouldn't occur to me to drive into the centre - the traffic jams can be dreadful - I think most people would think it normal to get a train out to somewhere more accessible.

If you feel bad about it, I'd meet them and get the train down with them.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 18/03/2015 14:01

Usually easier and quicker to do public transport than drive in central London

ghostspirit · 18/03/2015 16:59

yeah i would have thought it would be faster and easier to get the DLR from canery wolf to lewisham its direct. if your not within walking distance of lewisham dlr maybe you could get a cab from there. or talk your partner into driving them the short distance to your home.

nancy75 · 18/03/2015 17:08

Canary Wharf is not in central London, traffic is not that bad on Sunday's and there is a massive car park under Canary wharf shopping centre. On the other hand the dlr from Canary wharf to lewisham is very quick and easy, although parking near the train station in lewisham is a nightmare, especially as there are major roadworks there at the moment

SoreArms · 18/03/2015 17:08

It'll be a lot quicker for them to hop on dlr to lewisham than for you to drive through blackwall tunnel to pick them up...it's only about 15 minutes on a Sunday whereas the A2 can be a nightmare....

NotInventedHere · 18/03/2015 17:15

Definitely not rude to suggest the most comfortable and quickest route. The Blackwall southern approach is awful at the weekend. They come to Lewisham on the DLR, you two drive down to meet them - you on the platform while DP sits in the Tesco car park... Hope you have a lovely meet up!

pluCaChange · 18/03/2015 17:47

Driving to Canary Wharf is a nightmare, with very tricky lane-switches coming out of the tunnel, which I always find very stressful. If your guests have no mobility issues, it really isn'terribly rude to suggest they take the DLR, and allow you to "make it up to them" with your hospitality at home.

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 17:55

Well maybe do that anyway. If he lived with you, maybe it would be awkward. But just say he is busy, so you thought you would come and meet then at CW and travel back with them. Tbh I wouldn't fancy driving back from the wedding, then back to London and back to yours. Personally if I were you I would meet them at Lewisham. But if you feel that's rude, go to CW.

Original poster

stargirl04 · 18/03/2015 20:24

Once again, thanks everyone. Much obliged!

OP posts:

Charley50 · 18/03/2015 20:43

I can vouch for the roads around Canary Wharf being a nightmare. ExDP and I once spent a good hour going back and forth under tunnels and over bridges round there totally lost and we are usually good navigators.
The DLR is fun anyway. They can sit in the front and pretend it's a rollercoaster!

Charley50 · 18/03/2015 20:47

I do have a life really but I've just checked the tfl website for you.. DLR is running this Sunday and the journey Canary Wharf DLR to Lewisham takes a sexy 16 minutes. Everyone's a winner!

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