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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to listen to this shit

45 replies

BoredAdminGirl · 18/03/2015 11:40

I know what you will say, this has nothing to do with me and I shouldn’t get involved. However, having been cheated on I find this all really difficult to listen to.
Girl in work is married and has a 4yo DS, she began an affair with a married man 25 years her senior, about 12 months ago.

I know her husband and he has always been very nice to me, therefore I hate lying to him (she uses me as an excuse to meet her OM without even asking me and will tell me after), so now I just avoid him.

Anyway, girl in work was having unprotected sex with her other man for many many months because “he doesn’t like condoms”, this of course resulted in her becoming pregnant. She hinted that she may keep it but after speaking to her other man she swiftly decided that she will have an abortion. So yeah, she had the abortion.

The guy she is having an affair with is an absolute moron, he recently messaged me on Facebook (we have never met or spoken in any way, shape or form) asking me to ask the girl in work why he calls her a gusher….

I blocked him straight away.

Anyway, now he has told her that he has seen a girl on his facebook and liked her make up so would like it if she did hers the same, he tells her he likes big lips so she is now buying stuff off the internet and injecting it into her lips.

She constantly asks me to baby-sit her 4yo DS so she can spend time with her other man (even choosing to see her lover over seeing her son on his birthday).

Is there anyway to make her see that this guy is a fucking sleaze, and would you tell her husband what’s been happening?

Her cockiness is infuriating, as is her lovers.

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 18/03/2015 11:42

There is so much wrong with your post OP I can hardly answer it, it's hideous. I don't suppose there is anyway to disconnect yourself from this woman so you are not party to all of this shit?

ChipDip · 18/03/2015 11:42

Why would you want to make her see what a sleaze he is? She sounds just as vile as him. Tell her you won't be babysitting her child, or covering for her and just keep your relationship work related. Why are you so involved practically in their affair in any case?

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 11:43

Yanbu. It is something to do with you because she is dragging you into it. I would be pissed off too and not babysit and tell her to stop using me as an excuse.

HereIAm20 · 18/03/2015 11:43

Well for a start don't enable her by babysitting and tell her you'd rather she didn't use you as an alibi. She may then get the message that you do not approve.

notsolovely · 18/03/2015 11:45

Not sure I would tell her husband though. Only you can decide that. This woman and her bit on side sound well matched.

Sidge · 18/03/2015 11:46

I would refuse to babysit for her, refuse to engage with her in any way unless required professionally at work and I'd be having stern words with her to tell her to stop using me as an excuse to meet with her OM or you'll tell her husband the truth.

Original poster
BoredAdminGirl · 18/03/2015 11:47

Why are you so involved practically in their affair in any case

I am being dragged into it and told all the details.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 18/03/2015 11:50

If I liked the husband, and thought he was a decent guy who deserved a decent wife then I quite probably would tell him if I had some sort of concrete proof to hand over.

He might thank you for it- or he might not, but giving him the opportunity to choose for himself would be the kindest thing to do.

ShootPeppaPig · 18/03/2015 11:52

Difficult as you have to work with her

Is she in a position of authority over you?

I'm struggling to understand you being roped into babysitting and being her alibi for it

I hope you find a way out, it sounds awful but I don't think she's the one in need of your sympathy

EstRusMum · 18/03/2015 11:53

I would tell her husband and stop any outside work communication. This woman is disgusting. Poor kid and poor man. Sad

BerylStreep · 18/03/2015 11:55

Agree with others.

Stop babysitting for her.
Tell her you disapprove, and she is not to use you as a cover story.
If you hear she has done so in the future, after being asked not to, tell the husband.

Tell her you don't want to hear about her affair, and any communication must remain work related.

I can't believe you have let this situation go on for 12 months without setting clear boundaries.

miniavenger · 18/03/2015 11:58

Refuse to babysit any more and tell her why. If she speaks about the affair tell her you don't want to hear it and if she continues then walk away or change the subject.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 18/03/2015 11:59

Have you agreed to babysit for her?
People don't tell you stuff unless you appear to be interested. If you have said to her 'stop telling me details about your affair I'm not interested' and she persists then report her to HR for some kind of harassment.
However if you are just being a doormat who babysits and listens to all her shit then grow a spine and tell her it ends now.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 18/03/2015 12:00

Why are you babysitting her child?? Sorry, but I have a friend who's covering for one of their friends in pretty much the same way. Even letting the woman and bloke-on-the-side use their flat as a shag-pad whilst they're out at work. Then I get the moaning of how wrong it is, how the partner is a nice guy, doesn't deserve it, etc. As for tbe disgusting work message, I would have kept it and reported it to someone. She will get caught out in this, be careful you don't go down with her.

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2015 12:03

Is there anyway to make her see that this guy is a fucking sleaze

Why, because she isn't? Confused

None of you come out of this particularly well tbh, including yourself.

Just butt out and stop enabling this if you say you don't agree with it.

Coco0123 · 18/03/2015 12:07

I'm sure it won't be long until her husband finds out, he may well suspect already. She sounds as equally vile as him. If you don't feel that you can tell her straight , have an excuse to hand every single time she asks you to babysit. Don't enable this shit. I would personally have to tell her that I want no part in it & to not discuss it with me.

Sandbrook · 18/03/2015 12:09

Get the hell out of there quick smart. This is all going to be uncovered & you're going to be smack in the middle of a monster drama at best, at worst a hideous divorce/child battle. Plus you get the great job of mopping up this bitches tears when it all goes wrong.
Man up and tell her you don't want to be involved in a way starting today

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 18/03/2015 12:09

I'd send her dh an anonymous note, personally.

What a scumbag he is (she is too!) asking you to comment on the gushing thing. Grim.

kissmethere · 18/03/2015 12:09

My goodness grow a pair!! She sounds disgusting and so does her lover! You definitely don't want to be involved in her shitty lifestyle and you will be kept being dragged in as long as you let it be so.
Seriously cut off any chance of her using you to help this crap carry on. When I was younger and more naive I worked with a girl like this. It went on for about a year til I was getting caught up in her drama and shit and lying for her. My bf at the time was gobsmacked and said to step out or we're done. So I did. He'd had enough of the long dramatic phonecalls, helping her dodge people. What a release.

LaurieFairyCake · 18/03/2015 12:10

Unless she or lover boy are your boss (in which case tell HR in case there are any come backs) tell her to fuck off.

Never babysit, don't explain - just say No. Send an email that says you will not cover for her and if asked directly by anyone you will tell the truth and that you don't want to hear any sordid details of her affair again. In fact she's never to mention it to you again.

GatoradeMeBitch · 18/03/2015 12:13

Just uninvolve yourself. Stop babysitting, stop soaking up the gossip. She clearly considers you a confidant for you to have so much detail. If you don't like what she's doing you should tell her so and disengage. If you don't, then just accept that you are enjoying the drama and stop hand-wringing.

And don't speak to her husband, you are not the morality police, and it could bring a lot of hassle to your door. It's not uncommon for couples who decide to stay together to look for someone to direct their anger at, and it's often a woman who cops it (safer than chasing after the other man.)

kissmethere · 18/03/2015 12:13

Can't believe she chose him over her sons b day...

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 18/03/2015 12:26

"I don't approve and I don't want to hear about your nasty affair."
"No I cannot look after your ds."

There you go.

RandomFriend · 18/03/2015 12:34

he tells her he likes big lips so she is now buying stuff off the internet and injecting it into her lips

Tell her how ridiculous you find that, and tell her what you think of her lover. That should stop her confiding in you.

AnotherManicMonday · 18/03/2015 12:38

I get your in a difficult position but I think you just need to tell her you can't be friends anymore your not interested in what she does and you can't look after her Ds anymore