to not invite this child to DS' birthday?

[cakedup]

Year 5, kids are aged 9-10. Late last year, one boy - 'Martin' befriended 'Joe'. Joe was already good friends with 'Fiona' and DS which Martin was opposed to as he was quite possessive and continually tried to turn Joe agains Fiona and DS.

At Joe's house one day, Martin and Joe set about making potions. It later transpired that Martin had got hold of some poisonous berries from Joe's garden which he put in the potion, as well as pissing in it. His idea was to put this potion in Fiona's water bottle at school. Joe's mum intervened. She mentioned it to Martin's mum who brushed it off with "boys will be boys."

At school, Martin would give Fiona and DS evil looks and whisper swear words.

At Christmas, Martin sent Joe a Xmas card saying "I hope you get everything you want for xmas, especially to assassinate Fiona and DS" and drew a picture of a sword with blood dripping from it.

The card was shown to school, I personally went up to school to express my concern, school spoke to Martin and Martin's parents, and that was the end of that.

Martin's parents never approached us parents and it has been a bit awkward since. No cheerful 'how are you's in the playground as usual.

Martin and Joe drifted apart. Martin then tried to befriend DS. Knowing how manipulative he can be, I warned DS to remain at a safe distance and told him about the card. Although DS was initially hurt/angry, over time he forgave him and actually likes playing with Martin.

For DS birthday celebrations, I am inviting 5 kids for a day out. DS really wants Martin to come. I'm not so sure. On one hand, it is his birthday and feel it should be his choice. Also, I've been quite concerned about Martin bullying DS and perhaps it would be better to get him on side. DS is meant to be going on a school trip in June, for a week away and I considered cancelling it when the poisonous berries things came out.

On the other hand, I don't think he really deserves an invite and as I said, things are a bit awkward with the parents, I'm not sure how they'd respond.

AIBU to tell DS he can't come?

possesiveness and jealousy has reared its head in our year 6 group now, my DS and his best friend since reception are at loggerheads. the main cause seems to be that his best friend does not like him having lots of other casual friends. ah the joy of hormones.

BarbarianMum and bialystockandbloom yes I also think there is a difference between the usual kid stuff to the specific targeted stuff that Martin was coming out with. DS has always loved making potions. They are normally potions to give him special powers though, not to kill a specific person in his class.

Mastering the subtle complexities of social etiquette is a work in progress for 9yos quite bialystockandbloom! After I told DS, look be polite, you don't have to be so obvious about it, the next day he tells me "I took your advice mum, and we're great friends now!"

That's interesting sherbetpips I was speaking to the SENCO the other day about this because since year 5, there have been so many friendship struggles between the kids. He assured me it would settle down in Year 6 because they know they're leaving soon and may not see each other again!

No way would I invite him.

I wouldn't invite him and if DS asked I'd tell him why.

Really strange behaviour from a 9/10 year old, especially the manipulation/complimenting adults.

I wouldn't invite him, he might be difficult to manage on a day out and you would probably be held responsible by other parents if he ran off or put another child in harms way.

Presumably you'll be around to supervise (all 6 children not too many)?
I'd invite Martin and keep an eye on him.

At what point could you imagine deciding Martin isn't risky, that you can believe he's allowed to change like most kids can? In your mind, are these events going to hang over Martin like a shadow forever more?

But maryz it wasn't a pretend poison potion, it was actually poisonous and he did actually piss in the bottle!

I wouldn't invite him. I don't think what you describe is normal 9 yo behaviour at all.

My son is 8.5 and I really can't see him turning into some poisoning, bottle pissing, bullying, would be assassin any time soon - nor any of his friends for that matter even if he has read/watched all the Harry Potters and plays Minecraft!

I'm not worried about what he might be like on the day really, I feel alright to supervise him and don't think he'll cause any trouble. He's not really like that, not a naughty kid as such. Like I said, he came to DS' birthday sleepover last year and there were no problems.

As for what he's done since Maryz, nothing much specifically to DS really. DS did say he would get a few nudges when he went past but could never really tell if they were intentional. He would also do this evil stare thing at DS. However, he has since fallen out with Joe, and kept mouthing "fuck you" to him at school. Joe told the other kids what Martin had written in the xmas card and Martin claimed that he was only re-iterating what Joe had told him. But yes, after Christmas he did try very hard to make friends with DS.

I think he was having problems at home at the time. Once, at Joe's house, he announced at the dinner table that he saw his mum kissing a man in the garden (his mum and dad are together) so he took photos of them and then wondered out loud, with a certain amount of glee, whether he would ever show his dad!