to think that this should not be my job

[purplehandgang]

So I am virtually a sahp to 3 dc including a toddler. Each evening I cook a meal for dc and wash up etc. Dh generally snacks in the evening so more often than not he comes home and sorts himself out or brings home a takeaway.
I put toddler to bed which is no mean feat whilst he normally eats his tea, plays on tablet , watches tv and bed.
well this morning I have come down to crumbs on 2 work surfaces, frying pan on hob, food packets still on the side and a mug updtairs.
Aibu to think that if you make a mess you should clean it up and not leave it for the sahp (skivvy) to do it.
He does work lomg hours during the week so I try to cut him some slack.
But at the weekend I worked for a few hours but he did bugger all than too and I returned to washing up in the boel.
aibu

Housework I really don't mind doing. It is just that I think he should clean up extra mess. We did have the conversation befoe marriage ragworth. One cooks, one washes up. I do bulk housework. He does garden diy etc. it seemed fair when actually had plenty of gardrning diy etc to do and I did compressed hours so had a day off in the week. However, now he does hardly sny gardening or diy and Youngest in particular sems to be solely my responsibility when home.

He isn't home till 7.30 though so eating as a family isn't really possible. I do think he should be more involved with dd3 especially. I have said this but it's my fault apparently as she is still being breastfed so he struggles to settle her. He ha clearly forgotten that he just wasn't interested in her at all in the 1st year. He couldn't have an interrupted night as he would be too tired for work.

He lived on his own as well.

YANBU at all!!! Mine DP does this and I'm sick of hearing myself nagging him to clean up after himself. Not being funny but he's been brought up with the attitude of 'if you go out to work, you don't have to do anything else' and his parents hired nannies who did everything.

My DP does this. I just pile all his washing up in a spare washing up bowl (which I bought specifically for this purpose) and bung it on the top of the work top until he can be arsed doing it.

I am not going to nag him like is mum and I'm not going to clean up after him like his maid. I adopt an "out of sight, out of mind" approach!

What would he say if you said, "Look DH, I love you and know you work hard for our family but I work hard too. I am struggling to cope with the DC and domestic stuff and need your help?" I know if I said that to my DH the first thing he would say is what do you need me to do?

Sadly when dd3 was 3 months old we did have that conversation. She was waking up for hours at a time. He basically said he was too tired to do more and indeed insinuated that I needed to suck it up as I clearly wanted dd3 more thsn he did.