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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have kept my son an extra half hour

14 replies

januaryblues11 · 17/03/2015 21:26

I need help.. I need someone else to tell me I'm not crazy, not a bad mother...

Bit of background: split from ex h in November 2013 after I met someone else. I'd been unhappy for a very long time. I told ex h that I was leaving to which he told me I would never see my son again. We have a ds together who is 4. I was in a bad place mentally at the time. I cried so much I got a terrible headache. I took a few paracetamol then in a moment of madness I took a few more. it wasn't enough to kill me. it was very stupid. A cry for help...

anyway I went to the hospital for monitoring. ex h told the courts I had made an attempt on my life and obtained a prohibited steps order against me. I didn't see ds for 11 days. During that time ex h raised our joint savings account and stole 1200 of mine.

The courts decided that ex h should be given residency of ds because ex h wouldn't leave the flat we shared and my accommodation wasn't suitable. I was given 24 hours of access to ds a week, spread out over 4 days. ex h was instructed to set up some overnight access for me and ds which he has not done. When I request access overnight, ex h says he will think about it, leaves me hanging, then when I ask again he just says no. When I ask why, the answer is just, "because I can"

More recently I have noticed that ds is distressed when it's time to say goodbye to me. Tonight, when it was time, ds broke his little heart. Begged me to let him stay with me. it killed me and I told ex h I would keep him for an extra hour.

Now, ex h is "punishing me for my unacceptable behaviour" by not letting me or my mum see Ds tomorrow. My mum adores ds and she's so upset. ds knows his days of the week. he knows that Wednesday is a mummy day. Hes going to be waiting for me tomorrow. And I won't be there. Sad

In addition I have to put up with abusive texts from his mum, threats, all kinds of things. I am getting mediation, and going back to the court.

Exh has said he will instruct ds nursery to not allow me to pick him up tomorrow. Can he do that ? if I went to pick him up tomorrow... could they really stop me leaving with him?

it's all just a mess. My poor little boy.

OP posts:
Original poster
januaryblues11 · 17/03/2015 21:51

please, anyone ? I just need to know whether the nursery can stop me taking my son if I try to collect him tomorrow.

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 17/03/2015 21:53

I couldn't read and run, I dont have any advice but im sure people will be along soon, I just wanted to say im sorry you're facing this right now :( Flowers

TwinkieTwinkle · 17/03/2015 21:54

What a terrible situation. Perhaps since ex is primary caregiver the nursery will do as he says, I'm not 100% sure. I know it must be so difficult to have to say goodbye to your son when he goes home but just make sure in future you stick to the schedule. You're only setting yourself up for heartache by not. Hope it all gets sorted.

worridmum · 17/03/2015 21:57

they cant stop you but they will delay you long enough for the RP to make an appearance sadly (as mentioned alot when father tries to pick child up when mother is the one with residence).

dont make threats saying you will keep him longer then the court ordered time without your EXs approveal as you will be playing stright into his hands as it make you look like your in contempt of court etc

Play by the book and keep to the moral high ground and you will more likely get the result you want from court

I am sorry your going through all this I wish you all the luck :)

LuckyLopez · 17/03/2015 21:58

If you are both named as those with parental rights for the child then no, they won't stop you.

However please think carefully before you, either of you, out the nursery and bite importantly your child in the middle of this dispute. The correct way to deal with this would be to go back to court.

BolshierAyraStark · 17/03/2015 21:59

You need to ensure that the access is enforced-the courts awarded you an amount & gave further instructions for ex to arrange overnights, he hasnt done this so you need to consult your solicitor.
I'd also point out that by punishing you he is punishing your son, a good parent doesn't do this, certainly not to a 4 year old.

worridmum · 17/03/2015 22:00

they are not meant to be able to stop you but they are able to delay you long enough for the other parent / grandparent authorised pick up person to get there

Zephyroux · 17/03/2015 22:03

I don't think the nursery can stop you taking your son if you have parental responsibility, however the least thing you want to do is cause your son further distress by having some kind of tug of love at the nursery door so in your position I think I would contact the police (101) and Ask their advice regarding tomorrow's nursery pick up.

I would keep all of the abusive messages sent and record every incident that happens. I'm so sorry, it sounds truly awful for you.

Ataraxy · 17/03/2015 22:05

You have the play the long game here. Don't keep your DS longer than the appointed court time. Make a note of every time you ex refuses to let you see DS. Go to nursery tomorrow anyway if that's your usual routine with your DS but don't make a fuss. You do not want your ex to play the "look she's crazy" card (which you aren't).

Keep your contact with him to the minimum and don't engage with any of the nasty texts he sends you. You aim is to compile evidence that he is being unreasonable while giving him no evidence on you at all.

I agree with others that going back to court is your best option. Flowers

Original poster
januaryblues11 · 17/03/2015 22:06

thank you for your advice. I will contact the police tomorrow and try to get some help. appreciate your inputs Smile

OP posts:
waithorse · 17/03/2015 22:06

What a horrible situation for a 4 year old boy. I think you need very good legal advice.

Original poster
januaryblues11 · 17/03/2015 22:07

I know I shouldn't keep ds longer than is meant. But it breaks my heart. I love him so much.

OP posts:
MetallicBeige · 17/03/2015 22:09

Don't ring 101, there is some brilliant advice up thread. If things have changed/obstructions you need to speak with your solicitor asap.

So sorry you are going through this, I hope things start to look up for you and your son. Flowers

Griphook · 17/03/2015 22:22

I think the fact that there is a prohibited steps order makes it easier for the nursey to say no you can't collect him if dad has requested so

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