To Sell My Teen To The Highest Bidder?

[queeneileen]

He comes with a PS3, numerous games, a laptop, mobile phone, lots of clothes and a lifetime's supply of attitude.

He's incredibly difficult recently. He's argued with everybody, is totally apathetic, won't listen, and is surly. I've tried reasoning, I've tried telling him off and I'm out of ideas. Today's blinder was that he's lost his school shoes (he took them off for basketball after school) and has categorically refused to believe they're not here. No holes in the bag, NO FECKING SHOES. Does he care that they're missing? NO. Coz I'm just a giant sodding cash machine with legs.

I've told him he goes to school in trainers, puts up with detention, and finds the bloody things. I don't care. He's in an adult size 9/10 and they're £50 a pair. I'm a single bloody parent. You feck up, you deal with it.

I can't even talk to him, I'm that miffed.

I'm hugely cross and close to selling him or swapping him for a bottle of gin.

Hmm. My youngest ds is heading off to university in the Autumn. Would I like a fourth go at having a teenage son, or shall I luxuriate in having a house that stays tidy, when tidied, where the fridge does not inexplicably empty of all the nice stuff, and where you can't cut the fug of Lynx in the air, following the lad's morning shower? What do you think?

I can tell you that it gets better. Ds3 was a bit of a nightmare teen, but is now really quite civilised and loving. If you can survive the next few years without burying him under the patio, he will come good.

I think, to help you survive, you need my invention - the Teenager Barrell(TM). It is a barrel that will accommodate your teenager - put him (or her - it is unisex) in, fasten the lid, and feed your teenager through the bung hole. When they reach 18, if they have become civilised, you can let them out - if not, just drive in the bung! I think it will be a hit on Dragons' Den - what do you think?

Sorry, didn't realise he had next doors! Do they know? Grr, teens find a bloody way for everything don't they....

I feel so much better for having a channel to let this all out.

I honestly feel like I have a Jeckyll and Hyde living here. One minute he's lovely, the next I'm dealing with 5ft 8in of arsehole.

I'm going to google the password change now! And pyjamas FOUR OF THE BUGGERS?!?!?! How on earth have you survived??

Can I have a lift and a tenner?

All my friends parents let them drink and go to all night parties! They are younger than you and dad though.

With reference the Teenager Barrel (TM)
I have just one issue.
Does the male version come with a bung hole half way up?
If so then I don't think it is going to work.
Not unless the product comes with a Penis Beaker (TM) fitted to the outside.

Ooh, is he into football though? My DP needs companion to shout at TV, and my 10 year old won't do. Although we can't accept anyone who's fan of anything other than Arsenal.

I am sure it can be customised with the bunghole wherever you think would be best, ARoom!

He's a rugby union fan and player, EstRus.

Weirdly, on paper he sounds a hell of a lot nicer...........

You can get them reconditioned into a slightly more communicative 20 year old but the process is long and not without malfunctions. The method we used involved a lot of fuel, an enormous amount of mess and was expensive. Ear protection is recommended.

Sorry, deal breaker there.
But you can pack him up and come over for pancakes anyway. We like to have guests over.

Catz but I don't waaaaant tooooooooooooooo. I've invested 13yrs into this model and it's malfunctioning.

I'll just buy another cat.

That's great SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

In that case I am in and I will invest in your invention under the 'Seed' Enterprise Investment Scheme (which really exists).

My DP offered an advice on how to get money for new shoes.
Your teen doesn't really need both kidneys, does he?

Sorry, my youngest is off to uni in September and DS1(20) only comes home for weekends now. I don't think I could do another 6 years of teen, especially ones that lose shoes!

Here's some to help you cope!

Or part of his liver. It will grow back anyway.

I prefer our DCat to most of the human models available ...

Did you say something about mine craft?

Would he communicate with an eleven year old about it? If so I could be interested, dowry of €2.

Anything to stop the 11 year old talking to me about mine bleeding craft.

I have lots of Taste the Difference Celebration Ale. From what you've said, I might part with 2 of them. Shoes on a new one. My 7.5yo DD regularly loses school cardigans and once, her coat, but never shoes. I hoped she'd grow out of it but if your DS is anything to go by it looks bleak.

You wouldn't swap him for the world Eileen

Mine had a similar attitude at that age.. It was shoe zone all the way until he got on the beam.

Shoes *are a new one.

Minecraft is one of the MOST boring things on earth.

I've been googling the black market value of a human. T'would appear I'd get more if I stripped him for parts................

How macabre.

www.financedegreecenter.com/black-market-body/

gamerchick

I wouldn't, you're right. He's just come down and was lovely. He just has moments of pure, unbelievable self-centredness.

queen survival kit is and then more funny enough you quite like them after a few!

Or it's anaesthetising anyway.

It's the size of an adult and the mind of a tantrumming toddler. Quite disconcerting.

Ah queen that's the wine talking! told you!

Make the most of them eils they get longer and by 15 you could quite happily throttle them with a big grin they comeback though eventually.