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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT help my DS(9) with his school project

14 replies

andsmile · 17/03/2015 17:59

I normally help my DS with his termly school project as in ideas/layout/fact finding/buying materials if needed, then he does it

I have asked this term, 'Do you have a project?', 'No... I don't know....' was the reply. No letter to be found anywhere. So now project is due. I remind him he needs to do project - get some ideas together on Sunday...nothing done.

I have today, for the sake of getting something done and in, come up with ideas based on the topic area he said he wanted to do. Happy and looking forward to doing this: bit of crafty bits and writing.

He complained he was bored, cue 'you should be grateful I am helping you talk' from me... more moaning, tears. So I give up. I have put the notes I was making (quicker for me to write them down) from the internet, whilst discussing them with him in the bin.

Tears and wailing, actual wails. He has been sent to his room while we both calm down. Should I just leave him to it completely is this a lesson not to moan at those trying to help you...or have I enabled some 'project helplessness trait' in him.

We have always complete homework, reading etc everything on time (mostly) I have never let him 'off' (as some parents I know have) Is this a harsh way to teach him responsibility?

Quick update already - he has just got his lego out and I said shouldn't you be doing something else, so I have still prompted him to make a start. He has interent access, pens, pencils, paper, glue and paints.

Hmm
OP posts:
Heels99 · 17/03/2015 18:01

No I think he is going to have to learn the hard way on this one. Let his teacher know the things you have done to support the homework but that your child is unwilling to do it.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 17/03/2015 18:01

You are doing the right thing. Tbh, id email the teacher and say what had happened and that you are happy for her / him to deliver whichever consequence they wish for un-done homework.

HagOtheNorth · 17/03/2015 18:04

Let him sink or swim and face the consequences, you'll be going through this pattern for years to come, right up until A levels.
Is his dad around? Does he fret that he isn't supporting and nurturing and nagging?
I used to find my DH's disengagement stopped me feeling guilty if I'd offered and encouraged and a DC was still not bothering.

Original poster
andsmile · 17/03/2015 18:06

He is doing it now after the prompt Hmm

He is doing it on another topic Hmm m ine involved cake Hmm

Meh, kids.

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDoggers · 17/03/2015 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
andsmile · 17/03/2015 18:11

I don't do it but I normally help...

OP posts:
Original poster
andsmile · 17/03/2015 18:15

hag DH is at work...at the moment we have an agreed split during the week, he works hard long hours so this falls to me. But when things come to a head like this I consult him via email or phone. He is going to speak to him about it when he gets in.

Update he is not doing the new topic now Hmm He has been and collected the items from the recycling bag:

one toilet roll holder
an empty cereal bar box
an empty dishwaser tablets box

...and I can hear cellotape being dispensed. I might pour some wine.

OP posts:
MrsMook · 17/03/2015 18:16

Let him learn from experience.

sparklepopsicles · 17/03/2015 18:18

Leave him to it I say and enjoy your wine Wine

girliefriend · 17/03/2015 18:18

Was just thinking the same thing, my dd is 9yo and has a project to be in before then end of term I think. She has just now sat down to do something random on it Hmm

I help in as much as I will help source information from libraries or the internet but I resent the fact that they eat into family time as well Angry

butterfly2015 · 17/03/2015 18:20

I hate these projects, they get enough homework without all the additional crap they have to make. Some of them do need adult help which really does defeat the purpose. The last one my 9 year old had was to make a shield. She did do the bulk if it but some of the cutting out (thick cardboard) needed assistance and then we had weeks of painting it meaning we all had to step over it. On taking her to school dh reported back that kids were in with wooden shields, metal shields and all manner of other things quite obviously not made by the child. Dd got upset because everyone else's was better and I wonder what exactly was achieved by the whole process?

I'd let ds start then offer help if he needs it.

Original poster
andsmile · 17/03/2015 20:27

Thanks for the replies.

update DH has return home and removed all games controllers as he believes they have skewed his view of whats boring/interesting/worth doing. I just let him get on with this. DS has done a rough fact about something he is back to the first topic he picked, after accepting there was insuffiecient items in the recycling.

butterfly yes I am beginning to see that whilt they seem nice to do...he really could benefit from tryin to improve areas recently highlighted to us.
I think the projects have become more about family pride than anything else...you can clearly see in our school too, who has done the work.

OP posts:
Fleecyleesy · 17/03/2015 20:34

I personally think he's too young to learn the hard way. Surely at 9 (y4?) the consequences won't be much?

Original poster
andsmile · 18/03/2015 09:53

Well...he did some research and then he starte to cry lots that he would get teased because his would just be a piece of paper...so we suggested a display type thing - which he started to put together.

Now this am he has been very ill with S & D an dis off school, and will be tomorrow.

OP posts:
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