Please tell me how to deal with this situation

[lollipoppi]

Me and DP live next door to a family member.
She lives on her own, no children, never married

We have lived here for 6 years with our children and as the children are growing we are also outgrowing the house, we have decided that later on this year we will put the house up for sale and move. We will be staying very local, no more than 5/10 mins from where we are now

Anyway, we mentioned this to her and she broke down in tears, it was so upsetting to see her like that, she doesn't want us to move. I understand why, she feels safe with us next door and she pops round to the children all the time.

We told her yesterday, and she has already been round 3 times today in tears begging us not to move.

I feel really bad for her, but we cannot stay in a house we are outgrowing for the next 20 years just to keep her happy

What's the best way to handle this?

Are you just next door or are the houses joined?

I sympathise with you OP but I think you perhaps need to be a little hard-hearted with this. Reassure her as you have that you won't be far away and that she can still see you regularly (assuming this is what you want) but at the same time explain that you simply have to, and will be, moving. If it continues then explain she can't keep pestering you and getting overly emotional because quite honestly it's unfair and unnecessary. You shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing what is necessary for your family and this kinda sounds like a form of emotional blackmail.

I fear If it's not nipped in the bud soon then you'll get this until the day you move, and while some no doubt will think me harsh for my thoughts I'm sure that you won't want to end up resenting her for her emotional outbursts which would be a real possibility if this were to continue.

You're going to have to ride it out, harden yourself to her upset for the sake of your own family. You can be there to listen and help but build a wall against the rest. Hard.

Ajandjj the houses are joined, but I would not consider knocking through and living together. As much as I love the bones of her I could not live with her! Her house is like a showroom of antiques and I have young children, not a good mix

I think your right, I'm going to have to toughen up a little bit. No doubt she will be round again tomorrow so I will stand my ground and reassure her that we will still be close by, nothing will change other then we won't be living next door to each other

I can understand that completely! Just wondered if there was any mileage in considering blocking up her stairs, she kept the downstairs bit of her house which might suit her as she gets older, and you have the extra space upstairs, but you both still have your independence. But that might not work for you.

Or you could at least suggest it, and see how quickly she gets used to the idea of you moving, if the alternative would be to lose some of her space! Wicked

She's only in her sixties! It's hardly ancient. lolli you sound very kind but really I think you have to do what is right for your family. It sounds like she has become a little too dependant on your and your family. What relation is she to you?

She's my DPs auntie

Sounds like she is just reacting in the moment. reassure her that she cam still come over whenever she likes etc and that you will still be there if she needs you