To think she should have asked?

[crappyday]

I have organised a holiday away with my parents and my 4dcs in a holiday cottage. My big brother, SIL and their 3 kids (who we hardly ever see but get on really well with) were hopefully going to come so we booked a big cottage.

After booking it, my SIL work are being difficult about time off so they may not be able to come. I have no prob with this- I said we'd wait until closer to the time (it's about 6 months away) and closer to the time if they still can't come we might think about asking a couple of other people to fill the space.

My mother has now invited my little sister and her husband and their 3 kids. She didn't speak to me about it first. Apparently they're thinking about it. The thing is, my DH really doesn't get on with BIL. You wouldn't know it, as he's always polite and sociable, but actually neither of us would choose to spend a week with him.

AIBU to think that my mum should've talked to me before asking them? I organised the whole thing! We don't want to cause a big row by saying we don't actually want them there, but equally we don't really want to spend a week with them.
My parents spend a lot of time with my little sis and her family, and not very much time with my kids, which is partly why we'd planned the holiday...

Any ideas on how to tell my mum that she's out of order and my sister that we don't really want her on our holiday. (TBF I wouldn't mind my sis coming, it's her DH and annoying kids that I mind)

If you don't want to confront them honestly, tell them that you've filled the spaces with the 'couple of other people', they aren't to know it's not the truth...yet. If the others can't come, don't let them know until last minute.

If you want to be honest, just tell them they should have spoken with you first, it's not on and you've got other people coming

Is it possible that your mum was talking to your little sister about the holiday, and the fact that your SIL's work were being difficult about the time off, and your sister said something like 'Oh - well why don't we come instead?' - and your mum was surprised into agreeing, without having time to think it through - and now she doesn't know how to sort it out without at least one of her children being pissed off at her?

I agree with fudge, you say oh sorry, I've given the spaces to some good friends of ours already!

It's her problem to uninvite them.
You could also try to book a smaller house and tell them theres no space now!

Just tell them that there may not be room, as it's not a definite that your DB ans SIL can not come, and if they can't make it, you already have someone lined up to take their palce.

If they want to arrange it themselves to stay elsewhere then go ahead!

maybe she felt dreadfully guilty to be going on holiday with 2 out of her 3 children and their families. I know you say she spends time with them but a holiday is a different matter, isn't it? Maybe it felt like leaving one child out of a big family event? Unless she also goes on holiday with just them?

Have a chat with her about it. Tell her that there isn't room because you don't even know if your other sister and family aren't coming and if they are, there won't be room. And it's best to not plan for them to come when you are holding the place open for your other sister who you planned it with first.

Is your mum someone you can speak openly to and who will respect your confidences? If so, you could just be honest about how you feel?

'Hi mum - to be honest we are still waiting to see if DB and SIl can come and I've already offered their places to another family, so you need to let sis know that the place isn't actually available now.'

Cross-posted with the first response whilst I was writing an email!

Your DM should have run this by you first, what if DB and SIL can come after all, suppose you had mentioned it to friends?

Surely your parents can arrange their own cottage sooner with your sister if the idea appeals. DSis may be thinking along those lines hence not coming back with an answer yet.

Talk to your sister, say DM jumped the gun, there's no telling yet whether DB and SIL can make it.

Thanks all. I started to wonder if I was being a bit precious about 'my' holiday.
In answer to the question about them missing a holiday- my parents are taking sister & family away for a week (as in paying for them) between now and then the planned week with us.
And I know it's not the same as a holiday, but they see sis & family every couple of days as they help with school pick ups etc, whilst we see my parents about every 6 months.
I've now spoken to my brother who is a bit miffed that they are now no longer able to fit in the cottage even if they could come.
Argh!
My mother does like to 'organise' us all, even when we are all fully grown adults.
I think I'm going to try a carefully worded email to my mum.

I would speak not email. Email arrives without intonations. Anything can seem as a shock and be misinterpreted on email.

And I highly recommend non-extended family holidays - other than your immediate DH and kids. That's always been our rule.

In that case, I think you could say to her look mum, my brother and his family are still having first refusal and may be able to come. I didn't tell you that they have cancelled. I am not willing to uninvite them because you've given their holiday to my sister. You are going away with my sister to X on Y date, so it's just as ok if we go away with you without them. You are going to have to tell sis that you misunderstood and that there aren't spare places. Or would you prefer me to?

How did you find out she has invited them?

Call, don't email but keep it simple as AlternativeTentacles has suggested. If she says about her inviting them and not sure how to uninvite then tell her she shouldn't have suggested anything without speaking to you first i.e. her issue.