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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu about daughters gp appointment/college staff

20 replies

ghostspirit · 17/03/2015 07:54

My daughter has been messing about at college lately she only has to be in 2 days a week. yet she has been lying to me telling me they are starting late that day or are allowed to leave earlybecause they have done what they need to. i found out she way lying when the college rang me. so now im not beliveing what she says and college is being more strict fair enough...

the college rang me yesterday as daugher had an emergency gp appointment. But college told her she is not allowed to go because of the above. They then rang me, to ask if she can make it another day... i said maybe im not sure. but what im thinking is the gp called my daughter over the phone, and decided an emergency appointment was needed. and im not medically trained to over ride the gp, and say its ok to go another time... so college agreed for her to go and said they would let her know... but no one bothered to tell her. she left as soon as she could but she missed the apointment. so now shes got to start all over again today and now its going to look bad on her more than it already does because no one bothered to tell her.

so i can understand them putting their foot down with her and questioning it. but should they have told her she can go after speaking to me. and also one of the teachers were lecturing her about if it was them they would have to council the appointment... but then she never knew what it was for and again how would that teacher then feel if it was something to worry about

OP posts:

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey · 17/03/2015 07:59

Any chance you can get her a go appointment outside of her college hours?

I don't think college have any right to say daughter can't go to a go appointment, regardless of her bad attendance record. And if it were me, I would have insisted that she would be going to an emrrgrncy appointment the doc had requested.

Hope she is soon better.

notsolovely · 17/03/2015 08:00

So she left but didn't get to the appointment? Is she in danger of bring kicked off her course? What is the illness? Do you know why she rang the gp? Seems strange that she rang the doctors and they decided they must see her her straight away, but you don't know what's wrong. The college obviously feels it was an excuse. Which is what happens when you skip classes all the time. Has she used 'doctors appointments' before to skive off?

LIZS · 17/03/2015 08:01

How old is she ? She has a history of lying , erratic attendance and only attends 2 days a week, presumably max 9-3 . Surely it is not unreasonable to expect a gp appointment to be made for another day or time when she is not in college even if short notice ? Did you try to change it ? Could she not have texted you to check ?

notsolovely · 17/03/2015 08:02

It really depends on what the problem is, really. And why she couldn't go after college. The lecturer was right, they would gave to go another time. Perhaps they are trying to teach you dd that when she is older she will need to think of these things. How old is she?

ginmakesitallok · 17/03/2015 08:03

What she is she? I'm very surprised the college contacted you, surely it's a breech of confidentiality to tell you she has a gp appointment?

Theas18 · 17/03/2015 08:03

Sorry, I'm afraid your DD is suffering because she's the " boy who cried wolf".

You only know half the story and I'm sure she's been telling them she's had lots of appointments lately in order to bunk off early. They are now, quite rightly not believing her as she's abused the trust they have in her to behave like an adult ( and not require notes from Mum to go to the dentist etc post 16).

Just a very broad rule of thumb, and I'm sure there are anecdotes where it doesn't apply,but if she's well enough to be in college then a day's delay in seeing a GP isn't likely to be of significance.

Hopefully she will learn from this and grow up a bit. College isn't school. At post 16 they are expected to take responsibility for themselves, and there are lots who initially find this hard

ginmakesitallok · 17/03/2015 08:03

"Age" is she?

Nomama · 17/03/2015 08:08

In the bumf your daughter got when she registered will be a paragraph about doctors, dentists, driving tests etc. It will state that none of these should take place during timetabled lessons.

Given that she is part time and has messed them around already, they simply won't believe her.

Also remember that if she misses 4 consecutive sessions of the same lesson, say 10.30 Tuesday, she will be automatically unenrolled, as her funding will cease and the college will lose about £6K.

That they are contacting you is an indicator of how much she has missed and how unreliable they deem her to be. Have a long chat with her and go and see the HoD to talk it all through!

Good luck

Theas18 · 17/03/2015 08:09

and ginamakes has a good point.Essentially once a child is 16 school or GP shouldn't be talking to you at all unless she gave express permission.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 17/03/2015 08:12

shes 17 yes i agree with the above if she had not been messing about. then they probably would have let her go. the problem is she has a lump betwen her breast and arm bit and is getting pain tingling down her arm...

college is 10-5 /10-6 depending on the day.

i knew she was going to call the gp so i knew about it but yes the confidentuality bit... what if i had not known and it had been something daughter had not told me.

hopefully she will learn from it.... probably not ... so yeah its partly her own fault but they should have passed on the she can now go to the appointment. its not going to be 2 days wasted rather than one. well not 2 days but 2 chunks out of them days

OP posts:

Thesuperswimmingdolphin · 17/03/2015 08:12

I think you need to back the college. Your daughter is reaping what she sowed. Good lesson for her to teach her not to lie!

notsolovely · 17/03/2015 08:20

Its not necessarily a breech of confidential information. They may have discussed calling your with her, which is likely as she was waiting for your say so. Can she not make an appointment out of college time? Has she used doctors appointments to leave before? Do you know what she told them were the reasons she gave them for not attending? I hope she gets it seen soon and it all gets sorted. But the college won't keep chasing her forever. She needs to mature a little bit I think.

BolshierAyraStark · 17/03/2015 08:35

So she's there 2 days a week? Not really that hard to go to GP on one of the other 3 or after college?
She is most certainly reaping what she has sown & should learn a lesson from this-if she's arsing about does she actually want to do the course?

Topseyt · 17/03/2015 08:55

Valuable lessons here for your daughter regarding reliability, punctuality (I should think) and being truthful with her college and future employers.

Can she try for a 9.00am appointment, showing her tutor the appointment card a couple of days in advance in case it makes her late.

I must say that the only time I had to make a medical appointment deliberately in school time for one of min was when it was required to be a "fasting" blood test before eating anything in the morning.

Your daughter may well have used the "doctor" excuse a lot in the past, so now it just won't wash.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 17/03/2015 09:08

i don't think it had been spoken about them calling me to ask. other wise daughter would have asked if she was allowed to the appointment/have you spoken to my mum type thing...

yeah she does need to grow up alot....

because its a lump near her breast/arm pit they might want her seem asap. im not sure how that sort of thing works.

i dont know if she will learn her lesson

OP posts:

AliceMcGee · 17/03/2015 09:23

couldn't you have texted her about the appointment?
I have a Ds of seventeen and I have to say your dd sounds very immature by comparison

notsolovely · 17/03/2015 09:27

But when the time for her to leave came close, why didn't she ask anyway? 'if I am going to the appointment I need to go now, have you decided?' If she would have spoken up if she knew they had spoken to you, surely she would have done anyway?
Without sounding awful you either need to be involved or keep out. You haven't answered whether she uses the doctors as an excuse alot. So I can only presume you don't know. She made the gp appointment herself, so obviously has some sense (my dbro had mum doing stuff like this until he about 25) so I think you shouldn't complain to the school. Either meet with them and find out exactly what has gone on in detail. Or tell her she has to deal with it herself. You can only complain if you know what's been going on in detail. Otherwise you are likely to go down and be told alot of information you don't know that will negate your point. Are you sure she did have an appointment. Its seems strange that she left college but never made it to the appointment.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 17/03/2015 09:28

she is immature.... i did text her. but she was told by the tutor to turn her phone off

OP posts:

ILovePud · 17/03/2015 09:51

I really hope everything turns out to be ok with your daughter's lump, I think they were unreasonable not to have let her know she could go, hopefully just an oversight rather than a deliberate omission though. I'd echo what others have said too about this hopefully being a good learning experience for her in the long run about responsibility, far better to learn it now that when you're working and will just get sacked.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 17/03/2015 17:05

notsolovely she did not know that the college had called me. and she was not told that she could go to the appoint after all and she had been told to turn her phone of so she was not able to see my message.

yes she sorts out appointments on her own. although in this case the gp called her back and spoke about the issue over the phone it was then decided that she needed an emergency appointment. she had to do that herself due to confidentuality the gp will not talk to me about my daughter. so she would have to do it herself anyway.

and i was not going to complain anyway.

OP posts:

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