AIBU - loud neighbours or just thin walls? Need an opinion please.

[Jaynebloggs]

Hi,
I live in a semi detached old house. Have been here about 2 years and my neighbour was here before I moved in. The house set up is mirror image so living room to living room, main bedroom to main bedroom and a chimney breast in joining wall too.

The joining wall is definitely thin! Eg can hear hoovering, can hear landline ring, can hear laughing, raised voices etc. I can deal with this as we have a toddler so I'm aware they can probably hear us although we do try and keep it down and are considerate eg TV not too loud.

My quandary is this, my neighbour plays music now and then, probably a couple of times a week on average when I am home, when played it is at best bass that I can hear, at worst every word! I Could sing along if I wanted..

This is never late at night etc, never for too long, I'm guessing while doing housework or something..

One time it was really loud word for word at like 7am and I knocked and said I don't know if u realise that the walls are so thin that it woke us up and I can hear every word etc, she was so nice, turned it right down and thanked me for telling her as she has no idea we could hear and the walls were so thin. She probably didn't as we don't have a stereo in adjoining rooms so only ever play music in other end of house and never blaring so she never hears music from us. We Didn't hear anything for months music wise.

Have recently started hearing it again, again not for long, again somtimes so loud I could sing a long. I can't really tell if she is consciously playing it loud or its a combination of that and thin walls and of course she is absolutely entitled to listen to music in her own home, but should I have to?

I think it's more my problem than hers really but it's just not nice if I go to sit down to watch a film or something with my child and then she decides to listen to a CD and I could have my tv as loud as I could but u just can't drown out music..

Anyway so im torn, do I casually mention it, or next time it's loud explain I'm not complaining and appreciate its not late at night but ask if she would mind coming over to see how loud it is for us and it like takes over our home..I would word it nice, say I'm not complaining but she just might not be aware and then she might be a bit more considerate and turn it down a little? I am certain that she wouldn't like it if I decided to blare my music for an hour when she's sittin down to eat dinner or watch a film or something. OR she might think so what, it's not Late, it's not all day and then I am actually the one that's being difficult and it maybe gets worse..

We r going to try and put some soundproofing boards up which will hopefully help but just don't kno if I should bother mentioning it.

I should add I am very aware how lucky I am and some people have horrific neighbours having parties every night and neighbours getting no sleep etc it's just I'm starting to not look forward to going home as don't know if il be able to relax or if il be getting angry and anxious for an hour etc while I listen to next doors choice of CD..

Would appreciate any advice, I ama really considerate neighbour and I don't want to be a nag by any means, would I be unreasonable to ask if she wants to pop round next time it is loud enough...or should I wait for a CD I can sing along too so she gets the hint? :)

Thanks

She probably puts the music on so she doesn't hear your films.

I feel your pain OP. I hate other peoples unnecessary noise infringing on my space so much that the rage takes over and obliterates any proper judgement about it (i don't mind hearing talking, laughing, children playing, DIY ect - but shouting, screaming, loud music, kids running riot, etc gets my hackles up).

So - when this woman's music is loud, how long does it go on for, roughly, and at what time of day is it mostly?

I'd say (in my calm state) if it's around an hour or less, and between, say, 9am ish and 6 pm ish, then you cant really complain.

Your neighbour seems nice enough, could you mention to her that the walls are really thin and you are putting up soundproof boards and ask if she would consider doing the same and you would both get double the benefit.

Ha, yeah I mentioned films a couple of times there didn't i..just as an example and I honestly am really considerate about our tv volume and stuff.

Yeah it is never at night time, only during the day or early evening and never all day, I'd say maximum probably couple of hours and that's pretty rare so of course in my relaxed state I logically see that is absolutely within reason for her to listen to her music if she wishes I just hate that I have to listen to it as well and can't enjoy whatever I am doing.

I certainly wouldn't complain but just I guess hoping if she heard what it sounds like for us she might realise, feel bit bad and turn it down a bit... I think I'm hoping she just doesn't realise how loud it is because we never play music in those rooms... My husband said maybe we should just do that so she gets it but I just think that might be childish..

Think I might just have to try the soundproofing and hold off unless it gets to be every single day or for prolonged periods then I might be able to mention it..

Thanks for replies.

Weallhavewings - yeah she is nice, we aren't friends, but we have a chat now and then in passing and she is considerate in that she's never noisy at night, in morning etc anymore. Not sure I could ask her to put soundproofing up though I know that would probably make a big difference but we are in social housing so we don't own the houses so understand its a big ask for her to pay to make an improvement to a home that she doesn't own, particularly as she probably doesn't have an issue as we are careful to not be noisy where avoidable (eg loud music/tv etc) We are willing to do it as we love the house and would like to stay here for a while until we can move on but the only down side for us here is the painfully thin walls.

Thanks for your advice all.

OP you sound very reasonable. If you can word it so you don't sound as if you're complaining then I think you should tackle it, before it really starts to piss youoff. She sounds as if she wants to be reasonable too but has no way of knowing how loud is 'too loud'.

Id have another word if it was me.

Then again my neighbours have a 60" tv facing my wall and they watched a film last night that I heard word for word. I believe it was 'Fury' as its once I a blue moon though j don't care

Our party wall is quite thin but music and TV etc are less audible than they would be in the next room of the same house.

I'm particularly sensitive to noise but not bothered by next door (a late middle aged couple). Neighbour did ask us to be careful about banging doors etc - he has a hearing impairment so either he's hearing things other people don't or it's his hearing aid amplifying everything.

Soundproofing boards sound like a good idea. They might hopefully boost the house value as well.

Sorry Jayne just read that you are in social housing.

I'd mention it to her.

I've found people in a joining houses quiet. I'm in a detached house now and hear my neighbours far too much, I think they are noisy because of this!

You are very clear that she plays music very loud, but you are v considerate in your choice of volume. How can you be sure that she isn't thinking the same thing?

How would it be to mention that you are doing sound-proofing, and asking her if you can go into her part, to listen to how your tv or whatever sounds now? That would lead quite naturally to her visiting your side, to do the same.

If you present it like thus, with no mention of complaint, it might be useful for you both. Hope it goes well.

Soundproofing boards don't make that much difference tbh. Unless you do the whole wall, fill the cavity with insulation and replaster. Just fixing a board to the wall won't help. Costs a few hundred quid.

How often and for how long is the music on? Daytime or night time?

It is tricky. We have a similar situation. I have learned to compromise to some extent. They go to bed at a reasonable time and don't usually have loud parties, so can put up with some noise in daytime hours as long as it doesn't go on too long.

However they have screaming rows also which is another issue altogether!

I have the same set up in my house and can also hear things like hoovering etc. If it's an old house with fireplaces and they're not used you could try blocking each one with a chimney balloon as loads of sound will travel through the chimney space on your party wall. I've done it at my house and it helped a little but I did it to stop draughts, the little bit of sound proofing was an added extra

I suspect the issue is the adjoining chimneys rather than thin walls to be honest and agree that getting the chimney blocked up would probably be the easiest and cheapest way to solve the dilemma.

Dp has a 50" plasma that we have wall mounted but we deliberately didn't out it on the parti-wall as I didn't want to risk upsetting the neighbours especially as my dsc's are sods for whacking the volume up!

if your neighbour is as nice as you say I would simply pop round next time it happens, apologise for the intrusion but explain that it sounds incredibly loud in your house - i would assume you would be able to ascertain the volume by how loud it is when she opens the door. it may well be something as simple as her speakers are on the adjoining wall and she may be able to move them