Heat of the moment?

[RocketInMyPocket]

Don't want to go into too much detail, but big argument with relative yesterday.
Was having a bit of a heated discussion yesterday (something really unimportant that escalated).
I was arguing about a specific situation/incident, relative then made some quite hurtful and pretty personal comments.

Left as it was, but I was really annoyed at what I felt were 'snide remarks' that obviously had more to them.
Anyway, emailed today an (admittedly pissy) email saying 'please expand on x, if you will not expand then kindly don't make such comments in future'.
Response 'It was said in heat of moment, grow up'

So, is the 'heat of the moment' a good enough response?

I mean, I know when I say things in the heat of the moment I absolutely, a hundred percent mean them.
I might think afterwards, I really shouldn't have actually expressed it out loud, but I always mean it!

I feel dynamic has totally shifted now, feel like I can't trust this person, especially as emails to'd and fro'd and it was quite clear it was felt nothing wrong had been done, other than me being 'pathetic' and 'needing to get over it'

Rocket, as its your sister there is a lot at stake. She isn't "just" a friend, she is a blood relative, so:

A). Feelings will be running high, especially if you have been close
B). Siblings do sometimes come out with stuff that is far more cutting and close to the bone than other people, because you've always been in each other's lives. Eek dare I say it siblings take each other for granted a lot (I do with my brother!)

It sounds like you do care,even tho you are hurting and angry, and dSis's remark cut you like a knife. The "grow up" response was just another way of saying "I can't deal with this, I don't know how to turn back the clock, so I will just lash out some more".

What to do next? Maybe nothing....for now at least. I think both of you are too raw at the moment, and just need times out from each other to cool down and let the dust settle.

I don't know if any of this resonates.

I could probably forgive if it was my sister but I would never ever forget it. Things said in the heat of the moment is like said when drunk, it is absolutely meant. Inhibitions are loosened and people say what they are really thinking. I have been guilty of this! As for moving forward I would find that hard. Your relationship may never be the same.

CPtart That's what I'm worried about, that it's always going to be there bubbling under the surface. It's shit

It's shit, but I know her, and I believe she 100 percent meant it.
The more she's attempting to minimise my feelings, the more I can feel the resentment growing already.

Everythings just going to be so awkward from now on

Caoimhe A stranger making that comment to me would mean nothing to me. I'd probably laugh and think 'you weirdo'.
The fact my own sister has implied to me I don't care about my own DC is such a bolt from the blue, I just think what the fuck? Where has THAT come from? How can you POSSIBLY think that?
Her first response was that I should have gotten over it by now. (Literally 24 hrs later).
She then said this is an issue I have, as if she had no involvement!!
If I felt I had made her feel slightly upset about ANY of her parenting choices, I'd be horrified. Can't see how she can even make the comment in the first place, let alone minimise the effect and say it's my issue for having feelings about it.

Feel like I'm pretty much just ranting now, but haven't and don't really want to speak to anyone in RL about this. (I'd probably just cry and be unintelligible anyway)

Rocket, remember some people put others down or criticise others to make themselves feel better. Perhaps she has some hidden doubts about some of HER choices and is projecting.

Maybe Majestic
I think I'm still in shock you know...

Ok, she's your sister and you believe she really meant it.
Do you mean she really thinks you're a shit mum or does she really want to hurt you by saying this?
If it's option 2, then she has succeeded. She really has hurt you. She has moved on and wants you to as well. Is she embarrassed by your reaction to her nasty dig and wants you to forget it? If this is the case you may want to tell her how hurt you are and that you want her to retract that remark and confirm that she believes your parenting to be excellent.
But what if she really meant it? Why would she think this? Have you made different parenting choices to her? How differently does she parent her children? Are your children failing in any way? What is the evidence for her to think this? Are your children feral, in poor health, er other ways your children are less than average?
Maybe ask an objective person if they think your parenting style is 'different' in any way.
I presume you are a normal typical good mother. My gut feeling is that it is option 2 and your sister needs to know how feels she has hurt you by her words.
I hope you can work through this.

Oh bugger ,
How badly she has hurt you.
I don't know how a random 'feels 'snuck in there.