To expect ex to get his own place?

[Mumoftwomonkeys1976]

Ex and I separated last October, he didn't have anywhere to go and so moved in with a family member temporarily. The arrangement was for him to have ds 1 day a week for me to work, but as he didn't have his own place then he would come to mine.
Trouble is he is quite settled now where he is and doesn't seem in a hurry to move out. Every time I mention it he makes excuses and says he can't afford it yet, even though he earns a very good wage.

The thing is I hate him being here, I keep imagining him going through my personal things, he eats my food and leaves a mess for me to come home from work to. He thinks I'm being unreasonable for not wanting him in my house anymore, am I?

Sounds like a feckless dick. Doe he pay maintenance?
Poor you.

Book a babysitter from 6pm onwards, and have ex drop ds off at yours then (no entry for him).

He also needs to have him a few hours another day.

What expat said

Yes he does pay maintenance. I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable, the way he was going on I was beginning to think I was being hard on him or something. But I don't see how he can't afford to rent somewhere, he has a lot more money coming in than me every week and yet I manage to pay a mortgage, run a car, etc.

I don't think it's up to you to decide where he lives.

Of course it would be more convenient for you if he had somewhere else that he could take his son, but as long as he's contributing maintenance so that his son has a home, it's up to him where he lives.

It's not his choice of housing that means he has to come to your house, it's a combination of things like your working hours, no family that could do that night, a reluctance to pay anyone etc.

You could pay someone and make ex contribute half the cost. But personally, I thought it was best for my ex to use my house when the dc were little. I didn't like it, and it was uncomfortable sometimes, but it was the children's home just as much as it was mine, and the way I chose to see it was that it was good for them to have their Dad in their home.

YABU.

I'm not reluctant to pay a babysitter, I've already said that I'm going to consider doing just that. But that would then mean that ds doesn't get to see his dad at all. I just don't see why a grown man of 50 years old would not want to have his own place to live.

If you have a baby sitter for that evening, can't your ex see his son by taking him out? It would mean that he doesn't get time doing the usual sort of thing that parents do with their children at home, and ideally your ex would want to get his own place. But if he doesn't want to, then I don't think it's your place to be telling him that he should now that you have split up. B

Yes he could take him out somewhere, though I'm not sure where considering he doesn't drive. Believe me I have been over all this with ex and he's just not willing to consider anything other than sitting in my house all day.

Nip this in the bud asap. I've been in the same situation for years. My ex is married with a child on the way, but the witch/wife refuses to have our dd in her house...