To be really upset that I didn't receive a Mother's Day card

[Unappreciatedandfat]

My DD is 20 months and I haven a 5 YO DSD so organising a card falls on DPs shoulders.

DP made up some shit excuse as to why he hadn't bothered to get me a card - his sister was meant to be sorting one out for him but she's got a sickness bug. You have an fucking. Re there is a shop 2 miles down the fucking road which sells them for about £1!!!!

I do the lion share of everything!! I cook, clean, look after the 2 kids 3 kids he does NOTHING whatsoever around the house, he's not even tidy he leaves a shitty mess wherever he goes and expects me to run around like his effing slave!! I cooked a lovely dinner yesterday which included washing up. Am I really asking too much to just have a fucking day off!? I think it's fair to say that I don ore than most to help him out and I do more than most for him!

'he decided'? Did the mother not have any say in this? Quite honestly he is starting to sound like a bit of a twonk.

She decided sorry it's my iPad it's got issues today!

You "just want to be appreciated" but he doesn't appreciate you and he shows this very clearly by his actions.

Of course he's happy for you to fun around and organise his life and the family life - but he expects your happiness about doing all this to be reward enough.

Please read your post of 11.15 back to yourself - he was too tired my arse!! That is just an excuse and a very flimsy one at that. What would happen if you were "too tired"?

Do you really not mind doing the lions share of work in the home? really?

Yes, Laura. A love note in a domestic appliance.

What next, a message left taped to the hoover ?

So he leaves a mess, expects you to clear up after him, watches telly the whole day and is too tired for bedtime routines. So what parenting does he actually do? Let's ignore the going out and working, what does he actually do for you and your children? A hasty note in the fridge - does that actually make it all up or did he leave that there as he was expecting you to make him a cuppa before he left for work in the morning?

He's a twunt. He should do a lot more to help.

What's to love about this man? Message in the fridge. Fucks sake!

I expect op was set up to find this "love note" when she went to the fridge to make his sandwiches for work.

< sigh >

Unappreciatedandfat
YANBU and most of the time having a chat about it fixes the problem.
Because you love being a mom i think sometimes the DH can always mistake that for us not needing anything else
Who made up that effing rule anyway?
That because i love my kids and am a good mom that i'm this washing/cleaning/cooking/child rearing/bed putting machine who lives for this?
I want help, I want appreciation, I want effort, I want acknowledgement, I want to know that yes my name is Mummy 90% of the time, but I'm also xyz too.
It's a two way street, and sometimes we get in the habit of dehumanizing ourselves also. When all we do is talk to the DH about domestic life and the kids we kind of turn ourselves into a machine.
Date night (even if its just Nandos or the kids sleeping while u have a glass of wine), eating breakfast earlier than the kids and speaking about everything BUT the kids / house/ bills etc all helps.
Also, you have to set a tone for the household. Do you make a fuss on fathers day/ his birthday? Very horrid if you do and he turns around and does this tbh
Don't worry - YANBU - you have the hardest job in the bloody world. You are important and should be treated as such.
Feel better - and don't accept the note in the bloody fridge.

What a twat!

I think Im depressed - every time i bring it up with DP he tells me I have nothing to be depressed bout and I should just snap out of it. I'm sick of being overweight but feel as though I have no energy to go for a walk etc. My mum is CONSTANTLY on my back about my weight and has been since I was about 4 years old which I think has contributed to it greatly anyway.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to the doctors because they tend to put everything down to my weight and I know that if I get diagnosed with depression I'll just get scoffed at by DP,'MIL and everyone and probably be accused of attention seeking

to be honest your last post has made me sad.
What your DH will tell you to 'snap out of it' and your MIL will 'scoff' at you?
and your mother has been on about your weight all these years?
could you go NC with your mum for a while?

I wish I could go NC with everybody some days but I can't really bring myself to. I am overweight and I know that I need to sort myself out. It's got to the point where I dread going out. I've never been to any toddler groups with DD because I lack confidence, how selfish is that?!
I just can't bring Myself to. I envision a hall packed full of perfect judgemental mums.

look it absolutely is not like that! Toddler groups are just great for getting out - OK there will be some show off moms there but what the hell.
Recently I went from a size 18 to a size 12 by restricting intake to only when I was really hungry. Made a hell of a difference.

But what you say about your mum worries me. Is she projecting her own worries onto you?

This isn't about mothers day, I think OP. Your username really does give you a bash, doesn't it?

Your expectations of how other people are supposedly perfect are quite wrong you know, everybody has their areas of nagging doubts about themselves, what they have, what they do, how good (and bad) they perceive themselves to be.

I think you sound very sad. If you were my friend, I'd pop along for a cuppa and I'd probably give you some of my St John's Wort (if you aren't contraindicated for it). It really can take the edge of some of the worst bits and enable you to focus once the mist has cleared a bit.

Nevermind your mum, she's not important. Can you tell her this: "Mum, I don't want to talk about my weight with you anymore". Keep saying it until you get fed up and then just don't visit/ring for a bit if she keeps on.

There are some good threads on MN about losing weight/getting fit, nice people on them too. Decide what you want and make that your focus, for YOU.

Anyway, no judgement from me. I don't know if your husband realises how miserable you are at having to do everything... I think you should down tools for a bit and let him see the reality if you've tried to tell him and he hasn't listened to you. He needs to pick up and do his bit for the family, not leave it all to you.

How do you want to live your life op?
Do you want your dp to do more to help? Do you want to go out for walks? Do you want to take dd to toddler groups?
Start doing these things! Have a chat with dp about any jobs you want him to do.
No one will judge you on your weight at toddler groups. Loads of mums are overweight.
When you start getting out and about you'll start to feel happier which may motivate you to start looking after your health and your diet. The weight loss will come.
Start taking a good multi vit like floradix too. It could make a difference.

• DP he tells me I have nothing to be depressed bout and I should just snap out of it

I dont like anyone telling me how I feel but maybe he is trying to be nice/

as for weight, can you take half a stone at a time, ie small chunk, forget about rest of it..its my new strategy anyway.

i mean I dislike his comment and its not very helpful to you, but is he quite up beat...had a hard time feels lucky to have you etc..

anyway op, I think you would feel lots better if you could take a small step over weight, even something as small as one meal very healthy per day and run up stairs?

Thank you all so much. I will try St. John's Wort. Sounds like a good idea and yes focusing on small achievable goals is probably the way forward. I lost 5 stones about 4/5 years ago and then had DD and mummy priorities took over and I've gained and gained.

I seem to lose a small amount and feel good and then someone says something negative or my mum nags me and I put it all back on again. It really knocks me for 6

I think you're right about his comment. It isn't helpful but he's trying to raise morale

I was 4/5 when this picture was taken - the age when I remember my mum telling me that I had to start watching my weight and told me that I looked "fat" in my first school photo and started cutting out my meal on a night after school. Does that child look fat to you?? I look back at pictures and I am so fucking mad because to men. Looked completely normal!!

no that is not a fat child. Your mother is projecting her own issues onto you. And you do not lose weight by cutting out meals. Silly old woman.

Unappreciatedandfat
Not a fat child OP.
And you know what - so bloody what if you were.
Tired of people talking about weight like its mutually exclusive to being a good person.
My mother is an evil witch who had me throwing up dinner at 12 when i was 5''7, a UK size 4 and 8 stone. Guess what. Shes was fat. Guess what. She still is.
You need to first eat healthy - It's actually quite cheap if you research recipes. A pack of brown pasta is a quid, tesco value chopped tomatoes 12p, an onion 5p garlic bulb 30p. Cottage cheese 2 quid. There you go. Healthy cheap pasta bake for the whole family at £3.47, want some brocelli in it? buy a frozen pack for £1.49. Tastes gorgeous, and the brown pasta is slow releasing energy so you wont snack.
For desert have a fruit bowl, for lunch have a grilled spinach omlette and for breakie have a bowl of special k with soya.

You said something that always shocks me - when you have kids it shouldnt make u put on weight, especially if you are committed to making sure your kids eat healthily (which i'm sure you do). You eat what they eat right? And if they eat good food then.....go figure (just being honest i wish someone said this to me)

It's always us to be honest. When we have a spare minute we go for the biscuit tin to make us feel better instead of telling DH to watch the kids for bloody 20 minutes of his time and going for a jog. Kids love to play and be active. Buy some fake kiddie weights so DSD can join in when you work out to a free video on youtube. she will love it I've never seen it not work yet

Again - on the weekends DH can bloody stay with the kids for a few hours while you go to the gym, and even if he couldn't, again, after the kids go to sleep do a 20min work out before you go to bed.

Its amazing how 20 minutes and clean eating can change your life - I'm living proof of it.

You'll be fine! You just need to want it xox

Thank you. To be fair I cook all meals from scratch with plenty of veg etc. DD eats loads of fruits and veg I think it's portion sizes and what I eat when they've gone to bed that makes the difference.

Would you benefit from joining weight watchers? The group I go to is very supportive of one another and it sounds like you could do with some support and friendship.
Go to your gp though if you feel you are depressed. It really helps talking to a medical professional about how you feel.

Of course you want some acknowledgement on mothers day and I disagree it's a hallmark thing (unlike Valentine's) as its in the Christian calendar. All our local churches do mothering Sunday sermons. Mothers are special (most of them) so I understand why you are upset