Dreading reunion

[Shellypow54]

My first husband walked out on our three children when they were all under5 He left the country and I managed without a penny from him to this day. I eventually remarried and now the kids have grandkids and we are nanny and grandad. My youngest daughter has got in touch with her father through facebook and he is sending her a ticket for her and her daughter to visit. Obviously is a trip abroad and an adventure. I have said nothing negative to her and in fact tried to be pleased and have wished her well but anytime she mentions it I feel sick and jealous and hurt, and I am most frightened that the little girl will come back calling him and his new wife nanny or grandad. I don't mean to be petty but he doesn't deserve them! How do I show support with all out approval ?
Parenting · 10 mins ago

The years of love and support you gave will never be undone.

Support wise, just help her with practicalities like health insurance and passports, that kind of thing. Tell her if she needs you she can phone you any time.

The LO may come back saying that but it's not likely she'll feel a real bond with a short visit, your daughter may also enjoy herself but she may find it emotionally difficult as well. I agree with the above poster: she knows who loves her, whose been there for her and who she can trust. After abandoning her, that's not him. She will never have that relationship with him because he hasn't invested anything up until now.

its all so long ago but it have brought up really painful thoughts and feeling, I an suddenly 27 again and abandoned. Not a nice feeling. I don't want to hear anything about him as in what he looks like or what he said but also don't want to appear petty and narky.

Your DD will make up her own mind when she meets her dad and it's tough but you are being brave and have to smile and wave them off. Obviously a FB contact then brief holiday is a kind of phoney introduction. It's something she wants to do though. If her little girl has a wonderful time thanks to these adults she's never met before the only way to look at it is, the more people that children know love them, the more secure their childhood. You can't be replaced.

Will try to (swallowing large lump of rage and injustice) but thanks for advice.

It's a very hard thing. But something you can do nothing about. BFF's bastard of an ex came waltzing into their son's life when he turned about 20 after years of no contact.

Her son just accepted him back without questions or recriminations for all the years of neglect. There was nothing she could do but grin and bear it. After a few years of 'wonderful dad' he started showing his true colours to his son. Your ex will, too. In the meantime all you can do is paste a smile on your face.