To cut off dd's dad?

[Lovedandexhausted]

Long story but - Ex was emotionally abusive and then harassed me whilst preg. Was convicted when I was late pregnant and given restraining order. After dd was born I got solicitor and wrote to court to get RO changed to allow me to offer access with me as supervisor without going to court. Ex obliged and came once a month, missed quite a few (1/4 of the time) for 2yrs. After I applied for csa just before xmas Ex starts becoming very rude and was v intimidating in a meeting. I also ask him via email to change times to weekend to fit in with new job and nursery. I say via email after last contact he needs to stop intimidating behaviour. Ex responds with two long winded 1500 word letters threatening legal action saying I am abusing RO, saying there is no RO. Saying I am not to speak to him about dd during contact unless dd is in "immediate danger". Asking me to "cease and desist" my "manipulative threats". Saying he has to budget his whole year because he has dependants(his dogs) and cant afford weekend visits and csa. Police visit him with copy of RO. Tell him to contact me only via solicitor. He emails via his mum asking me to confirm this months meeting. AIBU to cut him off and let him go to court so I don't have to see him anymore? DD(2) is supervised by me as he isnt there frequently enough for her to know him. TIA.

Cut contact and he can go to the courts for supervised access in a building supervised by cafcass.

I don't understand why you are insisting that you are the one to supervise contact when it means that you have to spend time with this prick. Given that he was abusive enough to merit a restraining order, it should have been possible to get supervised (by a professional) contact which would keep him at a distance and make him behave himself. I suggest you have a chat with Women's AId on the best way to deal with this.

I'd cut him off, yes. I'd also fight it all the way. Then I'd fight/evade/procrastinate some more.

No dad is MUCH better than a toxic dad. He doesn't care about her a jot, just uses her to manipulate you.

Cease and desist hahahaha, what a moron

SolidGoldBrass - I always thought it was good to be "reasonable" and keep it out of court for my son. Tried charities/caffcass/children's centres to help with someone to supervise instead of me but to no avail. No family here to do it for me either.

Get him to do the running around trying to find someone to supervise his contact, none of this is your concern.

I'm all for fathers rights but not someone who uses the child as a weapon.

He was very lucky that you altered the RO in order for him to see his child and then he throw it back at you and continued to abuse you.

Thanks final straw is that RO ends this year and he said he wont support it. Court legal advisors say its unlikely I will get it extended as I haven't used it (to have him arrested). I don't want to see him without it. (I realise my anonymity is really being compromised with these details...)

Just so hard to know if im really dling the right thing

No it is not good to be 'reasonable' in a situation like this.

Hard bitch is what you're after - for your son's sake and protection. Please don't think good magically trumps bad - it really doesn't when you're faced with someone like this.
(It may do in some situations but this isn't one of them).

Court. Go to court. Get the heavies onto this.

I should say the intimidating behaviour was some attitude, back chat. And probably very silly but I was bf dd on a spinning platform and he span abd span and wouldn't stop until I grabbed the wall to stop it then he laughed and said "feeling dizzy??" in my ear. Stupid right?

bump

how did you get an RO without going to court?

oh sorry....restarining order....thought it was RESIDENCY order

if he takes this to court then I don't see why he wont get access.

he could get some first off in a contact centre,but its nearly always a route to building up to unsupervised contact

you've not really strengthened your case by supervising this 'abusive' man yourself.

him having to turn up/abide by contact centre rules will usually indicate how dedicated he is to committing to contact with his dd

Why have you quoted "abusive"?

Cut him out... neither you or your son need to put up with an abusive man. If he cares he will seek access through the legal channels. Until then, you do what you need to do to keep you both safe.