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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about hospital care?

4 replies

Whatutalkinboutwillis · 15/03/2015 21:30

Go easy on me please! My dad has dementia and Parkinson's. My mum who does not keep in good health is his carer. After years of fighting for help and respite he is going tomorrow for a week to a secure unit within a local hospital.

Normally he would come to me if my mum was in hospital but his needs are too far gone for me to care for him here. I feel tremendous guilt as the first and only time he went to a care home when mum was on hospital a few months ago he ended up in hospital himself for 12 days after having a bad fall 20 minutes after arriving.

She badly needs the break but we both feel sick to the stomach of letting him go. It's a secure unit in s hospital though and not the respite place I'm just so worried they won't let him come home again. He has fleeting moments of lucidity and the thought he will know we have put him there breaks my heart. can't rest for thinking about leaving him there and though only booked in for a week I know his needs are too much for my mum at home now. Just upset my lovely, handsome strong dad has come to this. Heartbroken

OP posts:
Whatutalkinboutwillis · 15/03/2015 22:01

Should add my worry is that nobody cares for your own like you do and he is not verbal enough to say if he is unhappy or even knows where he is

OP posts:
jeanmiguelfangio · 15/03/2015 22:32

Oh i just want to give you a big unmumsnetty hug! What a horrible time. If it is any consolation, my grandmother was in a secure unit for a while, they were amazing and just what everyone needed.
I cant offer much advice, just a hand to hold and Flowers

Boardingblues · 15/03/2015 22:51

Horrible situation and one that I hope that I never need to face. The problem is that your worries are not illogical and are borne out of love. I hope it goes as well as possible for your dad and that your mum can get the rest that she needs. Big, big hugs and best wishes to you all.

lertgush · 15/03/2015 22:54

Is there a plan to move him from the secure unit to a care home of some sort? Or back home to your mum? Could you use this as an opportunity to move him somewhere like a nursing home longer term?

I'm really sorry. We have been through this and it's heartbreaking.

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