Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day Question

28 replies

ChillySundays · 15/03/2015 21:22

I am married and my DH is the father of my DC so when they were younger he bought the presents and now they are older he nags/reminds them to buy a present.

My DD was telling me about her friend whose DP (and father of their child) doesn't do mother day and for some reason it made think of families where mum and dad have split up

If you have split with their dad but now live with a DP who takes responsibility for Mothers Day?

OP posts:
BlueBananas · 15/03/2015 21:29

Me & my childrens' dad are back together now but were apart for a while, when we were separated he still did Mother's Day for me and I still did Father's Day for him
Just because we weren't together it didn't mean we stopped being parents Confused

makemineapinot · 15/03/2015 21:36

My parents take my dc shopping for my Mother's Day presents and let them choose what they want to give me. My xh doesn't care. For Father's Day I let my dc choose if they want to send a card/present and give them the money for what they want to buy. Sometimes they do want to get him something, other times they don't. They are 12 and 13 do it's their choice. I also send my xmil flowers from my dc as her son my xh is an arse and probably doesn't bother. At the end of the day it's my dc who come first.

avocadogreen · 15/03/2015 21:44

ExH didn't even send a card to his own mum let alone think of getting the kids to do something for me! The only card exMIL got was the one I sent her from the kids.

Luckily I got lovely homemade presents and cards made at school and Brownies Grin

It did piss me off though, as last year, only weeks after he'd run off with another woman, I still made sure the kids got him Fathers Day cards.

GertrudeBell · 15/03/2015 21:46

The child when they are old enough? I don't see why either DP or XH should be responsible.

Charlotte3333 · 15/03/2015 21:48

DS1's Dad left when DS1 was 5 months old. For his first Mothers Day my best friend babysat him while I was at the hairdresser a week or so before, drew around his hands and made me a card which she sent through the post. It was beautiful.

Since then DS1's Dad hasn't ever done anything for Mothers Day. DH takes care of it, though DS1 is 9 so this year made me a little clay heart to hang on the wall.

LineRunner · 15/03/2015 21:51

ExH did nothing. Always. About everything.

MD was the least of our problems.

MrsRhettButler · 15/03/2015 21:55

Exp used to be terrible but he is getting much better now after lots of explaining as to why it was important for the dc for him to make an effort Hmm
imo it shouldn't matter if you split.

golemmings · 15/03/2015 21:56

I'm married to the father of my children. He doesn't do mother's day. I got cards thanks to school and nursery and a present thanks to rainbows.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 15/03/2015 21:56

My grandparents (see grandmother), helped when we were younger. They passed away when my younger siblings were still, well young. So was down to me every year. Hated it, but then again didn't feel my mother deserved the effort just from me, not to talk about me and siblings. I would quite happily spend my last penny on grandparents for both mother/father day, I miss having someone to say 'happy father/grandad day to'. With crossed fingers, next year I can Smile. Oops went into a total 'me' rant there Blush. I hope mums that deserve it have someone to help their young ones get them something though, being an only parent is a tough life.

MrsRhettButler · 15/03/2015 21:59

Gertrude dd1 has in the past got very upset when she's not had anything to give me in the morning on md or my bday so I see it as his responsibility to help her until she's old enough to do it on her own

Original poster
ChillySundays · 15/03/2015 22:04

GertrudeBell - Do you mean that nothing happens until they are old enough to mention it?

Not being judgmental or looking for a bun fight just curious

avocadogreen - I did wonder whether there would be more women trying to sort it out and the men not bothering.

I am also aware that there will be men who are with the mum but can't be arsed

OP posts:
Original poster
ChillySundays · 15/03/2015 22:06

Have crossed posted with some of you

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 15/03/2015 22:11

My ex has always done Mother's Day with the dc for me, even after I was married. Although in the early years after we had split up, I was lucky enough that my mum checked with the dc and would have done something if ex didn't.

I like the things the dc used to make at school or pre school best though.

Original poster
ChillySundays · 15/03/2015 22:11

I suppose one of my thoughts is when the DC want to do something.

When my DC were younger they seem to know it was coming up (probably as nursery/school would start the card project weeks in advance) and spent weeks on and on at my DH (DP at the time) about when they were going shopping for my presents. They were so excited and I suppose it must be deflating if no one is helping

Of course as mentioned in my OP it is the other way round and my DH is on and on at them! Think he is paranoid they will forget

OP posts:
Worriedaboutwee · 15/03/2015 22:15

Charlotte333 what a wonderful friend you have, your post made me tear up a little

Original poster
ChillySundays · 15/03/2015 22:15

PtolemysNeedle - I would like to think to that someone is thinking about it for every mum.

Good that your mum was there to cover it just in case

I know a lot of us go on about commercialism etc but at the same time I know I would be a tad disappointed of my DC didn't bother.

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 15/03/2015 22:16

My Sister posted my DS some money...However I had to take him shopping to buy it.

He loves doing it. I told him he could buy a card if he wanted but I prefer one that is handmade. Which he did.

My Ex when he used to see DS once gave me a small bar of chocolate for MD..I let DS eat it

Original poster
ChillySundays · 15/03/2015 22:19

Charlotte3333 - well done your friend

And good that your DH now sorts it.

I wondered whether mum's current DH/DP took the attitude that not their DC.

OP posts:
fattymcfatfat · 15/03/2015 22:22

my ex helped the little ones make cards. and my mum gets me chocolate but my mums dh gives my dbro money to get her a present as my dad wont.

CherubRocks · 15/03/2015 22:40

Not quite the same but DM checked with me that I'd be going to see DSM later this evening which I thought was lovely. Smile

honeyroar · 15/03/2015 22:44

We always took my stepson out to buy a card and little present for his mum. As he got older we just reminded him. He usually stays with his mum on Mother's Day.

My husband's ex never returned the favour. One year DSS was with us for Father's Day and she insisted he returned to hers to spend Father's Day with her second husband.

IneedAdinosaurNickname · 15/03/2015 22:52

My ex does nothing. When we were first separated the dc asked him if they could go and buy me Something. his reply was "errrr no!!! It's not my job" my mum stepped in.

Then we got back together and subsequently split Again. However he continued buying me presents until he met his new dp. According to him it's her job to buy from our dc (which they hate as she picks it and wraps it up without them even knowing what it is)
as I'm still single it's no ones 'job' to buy for me. But my mum stepped in again.

I always ask the dc if they want to chose a present for him. They've always said yes up until Christmas just gone

iwanttogotothechaletschool · 15/03/2015 22:53

My brother gets his ex something from their son on mother's day. My mother gets me a mother's day card from my son.

I do not do anything for my ex for father's day on account of him being a crap, absent father who doesn't bother his backside about his son. In the event of my ever finding a father's day card for the "sorry excuse for a man who fathered me and now doesn't give a toss about me" then I will happily send it to him.

inchoccyheaven · 15/03/2015 23:14

I got nothing from dc for mother's day, Christmas or my birthday since solittung with exh, although they are now old enough to do it themselves they don't have money and wouldn't ask ex for any. I bought them stuff for him but now thinking as they made no effort for me I will ask if they want to do anything but won't go out my way to get him anything otherwise.

PaulaJane37 · 16/03/2015 00:51

My mum always makes sure my DS has something for me, he chooses but she pays

Swipe left for the next trending thread