I know she means well, but I need MIL to stop this...

[SurlyCoup]

I posted something on my FB wall about sending hugs to those who are having a hard time this Mothers Day. My mum died a few years ago, and I'm finding today really tough myself.

A few people have commented on it, generally sending love, which is lovely. MIL has also commented, saying that she's remembering my mum and also that she's "thinking of you today, daughter-in-law". This isn't a one off, it happens not infrequently (she said something to me at my mum's funeral about her taking my mum's place now - it was clumsily worded, I think, but it upset me horribly) and it's really starting to get to me.

I know she means well but I hate it. She's trying to be comforting, and reminding me that now my mum's gone I've still got her to fill the 'motherly' role. I love MIL, but she's not my mum and she never will be and I don't even want her to be.

WIBU to ask DH to say something to her? I don't want to upset her, particularly when she trying to be kind. I'm feeling fragile today, so I might well be being unreasonable, but I really need her to stop this. I don't want to hurt her feelings at all, and I know that she's coming from a good place, but she makes already difficult days even rawer with these references to her 'replacing' my mum. If she had written "Thinking of your mum, and you too, SurlyCoup xxx" that would have been lovely, it's the daughter-in-law stuff that I find hard to deal with.

Nice one, OP. Your MiL isn't wrong that you're a good 'un

You are understandably raw about it and she is trying to help. I am sure someone who posted she was thinking of you today wouldn't be so crass as to think she can replace your mum. She has maybe been clumsy in how it was worded before but it sounds like she means well: so take it in the spirit meant and be kind to yourself today and going forward about it.

So sorry for your loss. Your MIL is trying to be nice and although you find the words she uses upsetting, she only says it rarely and they are nice words, meant in a loving supportive way. I think it would be very hurtful to say anything. She's saying you have her as a MIL, and she will love and support you as such - which is very nice, not a replacement mum. xx

Really sorry you lost your mum OP

You are being unreasonable about your MIL though, you really are. It's not like she's said 'I'm your mother now'. I think she sounds lovely and would probably be utterly devastated if she saw your post. I don't think you should say anything to her or get your dh too - however it's said it's like to fatally damage your relationship with her.