Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to ask working mums with babies...

24 replies

Dontunderstand01 · 15/03/2015 10:09

How did you manage the first day back at work, and leaving the baby with your CM or nursery? I am a wreck already and I don't start back at work til tomorrow. I have done two keeping in touch days, which I was quite nervous about, but I left DS with my husband, so wasn't any where near as upset as I am today.
I can't cry at my desk, so unprofessional and awkward for everyone, but the way I feel at the minute it seems inevitable. Help!

OP posts:

TakingTheStairs · 15/03/2015 10:12

I called every couple of hours for an update. The nursery were perfectly lovely and told me what he'd been up to. It put my mind at rest to know he was having a nice time.

KateSpade · 15/03/2015 10:17

I was fine, because to be honest I was excited to get back to my 'normal life' rather than mummy life!

If call every so often & now she's bigger - I can't wait to pick her up to hear her stories of what she's done.

Think of the positives of her attending nursery - not just you going back to work, but her socialising, ect.

mamaneedsamojito · 15/03/2015 10:20

My DS only started nursery a couple of weeks ago so this is very fresh in my mind. He actually started a week before I went back to work (new job) so I could be around in case he had a meltdown. It's still hard dropping him off even though they tell me he's having a great time. One day 1...

I said a quick goodbye and handed him over to the staff (he clung to my clothes :( )

Watched through the one-way glass until he'd settled and allowed myself a few tears (about 10 mins I'd say)

Had a pep talk from a lovely mum who was dropping her baby off at the same time.

Went home, called my mum for another pep talk then straight round to see a friend for coffee.

Called the nursery twice to check on him (morning and afternoon)

Was waiting on the doorstep at 4pm - the earliest pick up time possible!

I'm not going to lie - it's heartbreaking - but keep yourself distracted and remember that it'll be good for both of you in the long run. Everyone tells me it gets easier, it's just another of those Mummy tests you have to endure in the meantime. You'll survive, honest!

HSMMaCM · 15/03/2015 10:27

I send parents lots of pictures on a child's first day, but one admitted that she cried, because I sent a picture of her son with our rabbit and it was the first time he had seen a rabbit.

seaweed123 · 15/03/2015 11:31

Sorry, this won't be much help for you, but I highly recommend to anyone else reading. I transferred the last month of my maternity leave to DH, in order to ease the transition.

It has been really good, to get over the separation anxiety (mine) knowing that he is happy at home with his dad. It has also been nice to come home to a clean house, dinner on, shopping done, etc too, for a few weeks while I ease back into the real world.

One thing that I will say OP is how amazing it is how easy it is to slot back into work like you have never been away. I was startled on day 2 to realise I had gone an hour without thinking about my DC. I was sad for a minute, but that's the way it needs to be. I hope first day at nursery goes well for you.

lertgush · 15/03/2015 11:33

I found the anticipation much worse than the actual event and I was very busy once back at work. My baby was 4 months as maternity leave was shorter back then. The hardest thing was finding somewhere undisturbed to pump. I asked the cm not to feed the baby after a certain time as I'd be home and need to feed asap.

thatsucks · 15/03/2015 11:37

I think you can talk yourself into things and if you tell yourself it's exciting and positive to get back to work and a new era for the baby at a childminder's with other kids rather than dreading and assuming you will be pining for her.

Although I think it's a great development that mothers now usually have a year off, it's a double edged sword.

I went back when mine were 4-6 months and the transition was easier for all of us. I found it fine, so did they (of course we all had our moments - not going to lie. But am talking overall).

Good luck x

HerdofAntilop · 15/03/2015 11:39

I also found the anticipation worse than the reality. The guilt only really kicked in on the day when I realised how much I was enjoying myself and how fantastic it was to drink an entire cuppa whilst it was still hot.

Kelly1814 · 15/03/2015 11:40

the first day was the worst, but TBH, the thought of it was a million times worse than the actual day itself!

i like being back at work, having an opinion that matters, using my brain, wearing make up, drinking coffee...feeling like ME again.

the key for me wasbeign totally happy with my childcare - we have a nanny that DD loves, she started with us a month before i went back so we could all get used to one another (and i went back at 5 months - i live overseas with no maternity leave.)

best of luck. you will be fine. you will be more than fine! let us know how you get on x

Xenadog · 15/03/2015 11:41

The way I coped was by having a decent settling in period. The nursery did a 2 week one which began with an hour at a time and moved up to 3 hours for the last couple of days. This reassured me DD would be fine. My first day back flew and I can truly say the anticipation was far worse than the reality.

If you have full confidence in the childcare provision you should find it not as stressful as you expect.

qazxc · 15/03/2015 11:49

I worried so much about this, I used to cry just thinking about it.
I must have wrote about 3 pages to the nursery about her routine, likes and dislikes.
In the end it was easier than I thought.
Just try and do the drop off nice and quick, once you are in work you'll be busy and not have time to dwell. Give them a ring at lunchtime, to check that all is well. and then spend the afternoon looking forward to picking her up and having a cuddle.
As time goes by it gets easier and easier, you'll be fine.

MetellaEstMater · 15/03/2015 12:27

Yes, the anticipation is much worse. Both times I cried for days beforehand. In the event with DD1 I dropped her off very quickly. Stood outside the nursery and had a short, silent weep, pulled myself (and my eye makeup) together and got on the tube. The second time was easier as we now have a nanny, so the girls were at home and it was comforting knowing DDs were together IYSWIM.

JassyRadlett · 15/03/2015 12:34

Seaweed, I did the same with DS - DH did the last 3 months of leave. I was so grateful not to have to tackle going back to work and DS starting nursery at the same time.

OP - can your partner do drop off tomorrow to make it slightly easier? Not having to do the physical aspect of separation might help.

Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 15/03/2015 14:39

Thank you all so much for your help! The idea of sharing maternity/paternity is a great one, and something we are hoping to do if we have a second child, particularly as my husband will get better paternity pay than my bog standard SMP. At present it isn't an option as he is currently doing a PGCE. He also can't do dropoffs but he will be picking up ds from nursery, as he finishes esrlier than I do.

I think as a general rule anticipation is worse than reality, and once I am there I hope I can concentrate and that I am very busy. I am taking my kindle to read in my lunch break and it will feel very odd to have the time to sit and read, not worrying about housework! I will let you know how I get on but thank you for your advice x

OP posts:

Writerwannabe83 · 15/03/2015 15:08

I cried in the car on the way to work, I fretted about DS all day, I repeatedly text the childminder to ask how he was and I counted the hours down until I would see him again.

I've been back at work for 6 weeks now and although I have stopped crying everything else is still pretty much the same

wheresthelight · 15/03/2015 15:20

I spent the 48 hours before tying myself up in knots and stressing! I went back to a completely different company so had a double let whammy.

dd had had a session with the cm and had been perfectly fine but I had never left her with anyone other than my mum or my best friend and never for more than a couple of hours.

you will both be fine but have some and just to be sure!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/03/2015 15:33

I didn't find it heart breaking at all. The staff at my baby's nursery clearly love working with children and I was confident they would care well for my son. He loves going there. I think you need to try and suck up your nerves to avoid your child getting stressed at handover.

RainbowRabbit33 · 15/03/2015 16:35

I'm starting back at work tomorrow too. I'll think about you and DS if you think about me and DD .

lertgush · 15/03/2015 17:48

I would add that I went back to work when my second was 4 months, and that was much easier than going back to work when my third was 3 years. The 4 month old was much less affected by the change.

Original poster

Dontunderstand01 · 15/03/2015 21:07

Testing, you are right I don't want him to pick up on my feelings.
Rainbow, you have a deal! You will both be in more thoughts.

DS is 9 months, so a bit clingy but hopefully adaptable. Fingers crossed. deep breath and big swig of wine

OP posts:

RainbowRabbit33 · 16/03/2015 07:46

Good luck, Dontunderstand01 and little Dontunderstand! Sure you'll be fine!

icklekid · 16/03/2015 07:54

Could your dh/dp drop them off? I found it much easier than me having to leave him. I cried in the car. Childminder text pictures during the day he wasn't happy all day as expected. Once I knew he was fed, had his milk, slept in the cot I relaxed and enjoyed my day as I'm lucky to enjoy my job. are you going back full time op as that might make a difference?

MrsMook · 16/03/2015 08:23

I didn't get time to think about it at work. DS2 swanted in like he'd always been there. The hardest bit (literally!) was the engorgement at the end of the day as he still took dayfeeds!

Ds1 was less settled, but he was only in one day a week at first. Ds2 having more hours made it easier to get used to.

qazxc · 17/03/2015 14:02

Hope your first day went ok op.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread