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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect OH to get me a card from 8mo?

29 replies

lbsjob87 · 15/03/2015 09:14

I've been greeted this morning with two homemade cards from my 5yo, one from school and one from Rainbows and a bracelet she made me at Rainbows.
I also had a card from my 8mo that he made with the childminder. It's not filled in, presumably the idea is that it gets personalised at home, but it hasn't been . When I said it was sweet, OH said "Saved me the effort". AIBU to think that it wouldn't have hurt him to get me a card for DS's first Mother's Day? We came SO close to losing DS and I just feel something to mark the occasion wouldn't have gone amiss.
I don't care about presents and expensive things, but a token would have been nice.
OH's view is I'm not his mother so why should he buy me anything, mine is at at 8mo, you kind of need someone to help out. He never buys for his own mum either.

AIBU or should I appreciate that at least the childminder made the effort?

OP posts:
HoraceCope · 15/03/2015 09:16

what did he do in the past?

ilovesooty · 15/03/2015 09:18

I think he should buy for his own mother and I'd expect dads to help out children who are old enough to understand but need a bit of assistance and support to buy presents etc.

I have never been able to understand why they should buy on behalf of babies who aren't old enough to understand what's going on though.

GlitteringJasper · 15/03/2015 09:19

How is your family life generally? Is this just a minor irritation or symptomatic of larger problems and feelings of being not bothered about?

KoalaDownUnder · 15/03/2015 09:23

I think it's silly to give cards 'from' babies too young to understand, tbh.

seaoflove · 15/03/2015 09:24

At least you know to "save yourself the effort" for Fathers' Day.

Mothers' Day isn't a massive deal for me. All I expect is for DH to buy a card and get our DD to scribble in it (I buy my own present out of choice!). Not a big ask. If he clearly couldn't be arsed with that, and told me so, then yes, I'd be feeling extremely hurt.

Cornettoninja · 15/03/2015 09:25

I don't think its something worth brooding over no.

I do however think that you should personalise the childminder card yourself and put a hand or foot print in it.

claraagain · 15/03/2015 09:26

Usually joint cards from children here- not one each. The baby is too young to know or be involved. Sounds a bit precious to me. You got 2 cards. next year the baby will be old enough to be involved and understand.

Tbh I think the whole day is totally out of hand. Homemade card then the church gives you a bunch of daffs which you give to your mother as it is mothering sunday. If you don't do to church then the day is pointless and hypocritical.

ilovesooty · 15/03/2015 09:26

Koala I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks it's silly.

Permanentlyexhausted · 15/03/2015 09:27

Surely one card from your children is as good as 100 cards from your children, isn't it? You got 3 cards from two children, which I would have thought was pretty good. Sorry, I'm failing to see why a fourth card would have made a difference.

milkysmum · 15/03/2015 09:27

My dh is similar to yours I'm afraid. Dd has made me a card at school. Ds is 3 and dh didn't think to help him do one at all so he had nothing to give me. He doesn't buy for his mother either and the thinks the day is just commercialised nonsenseSad

Absofrigginlootly · 15/03/2015 09:28

I disagree, it wouldn't have hurt him to spend 2 minutes writing a silly note in the hand made card 'from' your 8 month old to make you smile.

"saved me the effort"
He sounds charming Hmm

clam · 15/03/2015 09:30

Well, Mothering Sunday is an official 'thing' in the Christian church calendar.

Father's Day, however, was made up by Hallmark cards. Wink

Cliffdiver · 15/03/2015 09:31

I agree he should have written in the card the childminder made, but I disagree he should have gone to a shop to buy another one. To me a homemade card is worth 100 generic shop brought ones.

Absofrigginlootly · 15/03/2015 09:32

Yes cliffdiver that's what I meant to say

OddBodkins · 15/03/2015 09:36

I think it's unfortunate that he said "saved me the effort" but other than that I don't think it's a big deal. You had your lovely card and gift from your dd and your DS is s baby so won't understand anyway.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 15/03/2015 13:01

What Cliffdiver said. Wouldn't have taken long to write something in it.

clam · 15/03/2015 13:21

"OH's view is I'm not his mother so why should he buy me anything"

I'm so fed up with seeing/hearing this old chestnut rolled out every year. Dh is not my dad either, but I still wouldn't dream of letting Father's Day pass without making sure something had been organised by our (admittedly older) kids for him (which usually means driving them into town to buy gifts). And I'd cook the dinner (as he always does it) and make sure it was his favourite. I'd probably also organise something nice to do that day, unless his choice was to veg in front of some sport on the TV.

Who wouldn't take this small amount of care for someone they're supposed to love? It's churlish and unpleasant to grump and swear and do nothing about Mother's Day in the way that many men have been quoted on here this morning.

pictish · 15/03/2015 13:24

I agree with your dh.

SharkCat · 15/03/2015 13:38

i agree with your other half

miniavenger · 15/03/2015 19:59

Well your OH isn't your father so do the same for fathers day?

ChickyEgg · 15/03/2015 20:04

It is your day to be treated nicely for all that you do. I'm not my DH's mother either but he bought me flowers and I haven't lifted a finger all day. Your DH should have done something 'on behalf of' your DS. That 'saved me the effort' comment would have made me livid.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 15/03/2015 20:07

Yes it would have been nice and not much effort on his behalf for much feeling on yours.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 15/03/2015 20:08

clam Sun 15-Mar-15 13:21:52

totally agree and its rude and disprectful.

notsolovely · 15/03/2015 20:09

Urm. I think this is one of those things that people view differently. Some people buy cards from babies , some don't. You did get cards from both so personally I think buying one as well is a bit daft.

GreenPetal94 · 15/03/2015 20:11

It doesn't really matter, its nice you got the things from your 5 year old. Once your baby is older you will have two super kids keen to make you cards.

Sorry your baby was so ill, it does take a long time for things like that to seem less real. My son is now 13 and I realise I don't think so much about his first couple of week in intensive care.