To not go to DSs cousin's party?

[Boysclothes]

DS is three. His little cousin (DHs cousins's child) is 2 tomorrow and it is birthday. Little cousin (LC) is being assessed for ASD/developmental delay. His parents are older and isolated, his mother particularly. She picks my brains a lot and I know will be really looking forward to seeing me. DHs extended family, all of whom I love and who love me, will also be there.

I know it sounds a bit up myself but I am a bit of a lynchpin. SIL doesn't get on with StepMIL, who doesn't get on with MIL, who doesn't particularly get on with DHs aunt etc etc. I'm quite lively and fun and they all get on with me and when I'm there it sort of works. When I'm not, it doesn't really.

Usually I'd love to be there. But I'm just at the tail end of my second miscarriage. Had a horrific mc last autumn and just miscarried again this week. Yesterday was rough, today was OK. But truly I just want to curl up in bed with a hot water bottle and my book, not do a four hour round trip to negotiate DHs family politics.

AIBU to stay at home tomorrow? I have until about midday to decide. Would also like to see DS on Mother's Day but couldnt do that to LC who won't have any other kids there. DH is fine with me staying but has said I won't be the same. LCs mum I know will be disappointed as will MIL who knows about the mc and will be desperate to see me.

Of course you're not unreasonable. It's not your fault they can't get along. Stay home and rest. I'm sorry about the miscarriage.

My dear, you are having a miscarriage. Put yourself first. Xx

absolutely not. stay home if you want. you need time to adjust and greive and let the hormones settle.

I remember ex saying that mil was upset that she did not see us on holiday two weeks after a miscarriage. I was still not up to it.

Of course you should curl up in bed with a hot water bottle.
Let dh and ds go without you and have a gentle, quiet day by yourself.

Of course you should stay at home.

Sorry you have had such a horrible time.

Do what you need to do for you and don't worry about anyone else, i think this is a situation in which you can put your own needs well before others.

If what you want is to stay in bed then really that is what you should do

Thank you all so much.

I think I'm struggling with the physical side of things. Last mc was truly awful, this one has been much more straightforward. Heavy cramping and bleeding yest, bit of bleeding and cramping today so I think tomorrow apart from needing sanpro I'll be fine. So no physical reason not to go and lots of people looking forward to and wanting to see me.

I saw my mum yesterday and had a slight moan about the drive and she was really shocked and said "surely you won't still be going?" And it wasn't until then that I seriously though about not going. And I just don't want to get dolled up and go. But feel crap because won't see DS much and leaving DH to a probably quite boring occasion that my presence would probably make a but more fun (sound a total knob there but is the truth and just that particular family dynamic!).

in bed hot water bottle and a box of chocs

You poor thing. Of course you should stay at home. What a horrible time you're having. I know what you mean though, I am the "fun Bobbie" (as they used to say in Friends) of my family and it can be a little bit draining sometimes

Even if you are feeling on top form. I meant to add! Take care.

To be frank if you're mum is shocked you were still planning to go that's the deal sealed. We're internet randoms, she's your mum and knows you best.

YANBU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've had three miscarriages and none of them got any easier. This was 6-9 years ago and I still cry if I think about it too much. I remember trying to do a pilates class a week after one miscarriage and just sat in a corner sobbing whilst everyone got embarrassed and didn't know how to handle the situation.

You go to the party if you want to. You stay at home if you want to, hunny. This is your time to look after yourself, both mentally and physically. As you say, you're the lynchpin, and you won't be any good if you crumble because you felt you couldn't look after yourself right now.

Xx

I think your mum is right, stay at home under the doona. Sorry for your loss

Stay home

Sorry for your loss love.Stay home.Snuggle up with chops and or even if you fancy it.. Mx.

CHOPS ? WTF did that come from.I meant Chocs of course

Of course you're not BU. Look after yourself x

Sorry to hear about your MC

And yes, stay in bed. It's great to be the party one - the glue that holds events together - but it's also perfectlu I'm to out your needs above others. And I really think this is one of those times. And if the ILs care about you as much as they say they do - they'll understand.

Stay home, woman! Jesus, you've just had a miscarriage and need to put yourself first.

Thanks guys. I'm on the sofa with the times, having had french toast with icing sugar in bed, couple of lovely gifts, and the house is blissfully quiet and the heating is on 24!!! (DH is a heating tyrant). They've gone off together and will no doubt have a lovely day.

YANBU at all OP. Even without the physical side of things it is exhausting to be the one who 'props up' everyone else and you really don't need that right now.