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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

surely im not being unreasonable here...

26 replies

traceybaybee · 14/03/2015 21:45

Okay im currently 6 months pregnant and due to give birth to my wee boy in june and i cant wait. While yes i do use facebook i havent posted anything about being pregnant at all so only the people ive told know (family & close friends).
Now the "issue" my cousin cant seem to get her head around the fact that i dont want to post any pictures of my baby on facebook when they are born. Id got a 4d scan a couple of weeks ago and oh you will be able to post them online emm no i wont!. Tonight she brought it up again and said its like im ashamed of being pregnant and of my unborn baby because i wont post pics up. But apparently my mum and sisters wont stand for that and will do it anyway. Im pretty sure that my mum and sisters wouldnt do that to me they respect my views. My response other than i dont care im sticking to my choice (while wanting to smack her one) was to ask how do you think people coped before facebook... oh yes they managed just fine you silly git!!! Sorry needed to get that off my chest lol

OP posts:
TipTapWentTheCrab · 14/03/2015 22:01

Totally yanbu! By all means don't publish photos of your baby if you don't want to. If a relative posted them without your permission that would be a shocking intrusion.
(PS. Best of luck with the baby!)

foslady · 14/03/2015 22:05

Your cousin would hate me then - my dd is 12 and there are 2 pictures of her on my facebook feed, and then I thought long before they went on.

Not everyone wants everything about them public

ChesterCake · 14/03/2015 22:08

I don't have any pictures of my 3 year old on facebook. If any pictures every go up from family members / friends of him I politely ask them to remove the photo.

isthatmorelego · 14/03/2015 22:11

I don't do Facebook but family and friends know not to put photos of my ds2age 9 on there .ds1 is an adult so he doesn't count .. It is not at all weird its your baby congratulations on your pregnancy .

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/03/2015 22:11

I just dont see why facebook needs to contain everything about my life. She tried to make the comparison of you have double standards as you have posted 40 pictures of nacho (my dog) yes in the nearly 3yrs ive had him but he is a dog to me theres a difference lol

OP posts:
ShootPeppaPig · 14/03/2015 22:12

YANBU

I keep mine off FB. People have accepted this and very supportive now they realise I'm sticking to my guns.

I explained it that I grew up in a world where I had a choice about moments of my life and image being plastered across the internet and I want the same privacy for mine. When he is old enough if he wants to share his life with others via social media that's his decision but until then I will keep him out of it.

I extend it to no status' or pics about him.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/03/2015 22:13

Yanbu

I haven't mentioned I'm pregnant on my facebook. Bumped into someone I know but rarely see, she was shocked I hadn't. As though if it wasn't on facebook then it couldn't be real Hmm

scarletforya · 14/03/2015 22:14

This is why I deregistered from it once I found out I was pregnant.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/03/2015 22:17

I probably will put one photo up when the baby arrives. But I don't intend to allow a free for all of photographs.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/03/2015 22:17

I think what really pissed me off was her implying i was ashamed of my pregnancy and imminent baby that really hurt. Which couldnt be further from the truth after fertility issues i fell pregnant naturally and while it hasnt been plain sailing with wee ones dad or my health of late i will NEVER be ashamed of my baby

OP posts:
Charlotte3333 · 14/03/2015 22:22

I'm quite open on Facebook and have a few pictures of my children on there. When I was pregnant with DS2 people often asked "where are the scan photos?" as though it was obligatory to post them. Not one of my scan pictures has been shared anywhere; it is a private moment that we chose to include DS1 in and nobody else needed to take part.

When he was born DH phoned family and friends and within 30 minutes one of his family had announced it on my Facebook wall, and by the time we got home from hospital there was a picture that DH had sent to MIL on my wall on Facebook so my friends could see it. Courtesy of DH's cousin. I'm not precious about much but I'd have liked for DS1 to have seen him before everyone else.

Keep it as private as you like. Facebook is for silliness and keeping in touch with friends remotely. Private moments don't need to be shared unless you want to share them.

Charlotte3333 · 14/03/2015 22:23

Also, huge congratulations. Anyone suggesting you'd be ashamed of your child is just trying to guilt you into over-sharing. Don't fall for it.x

TwoOddSocks · 14/03/2015 22:26

YANBU. Not everyone wants to share every detail of their life with all of their acquaintances. When people are pregnant and excited I'm happy for them but ultrasound pictures all look the same, I really can't imagine anyone but close family or friends are going to have the slightest interest in them.

AGirlCalledBoB · 14/03/2015 22:27

I don't have pictures of my son(18 months) on fb, never have and have commented on this issue on someone's fb.

An old school friend commented that I should not be ashamed of my son, no matter what was wrong with him. She assumed he was disabled and that's why he was not on there Hmm

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/03/2015 22:38

Like i said to her i have a phone i have a mouth and i have legs so the people who i want to see wee one will

OP posts:
Jessica78 · 14/03/2015 22:44

YANBU - so glad to hear you are actually planning on protecting your child, rather than plastering them all over the internet- now if only more people understood the potential consequences- and were prepared to let their children make their own (adult) choices about their online identity the more protected all young people would be.
I think control over your own online identity will be a big thing in a few years & children will be annoyed at their parents over sharing and scuppering their privacy.

Chillyegg · 14/03/2015 22:45

Ive not put anything about my pregnancy on Facebook. I feel for me its not necessary i just don't like the idea of everyone knowing my business. Ie the people that I'm acquaintances with, also part of my culture is to keep the pregnancy as secret as possible and then go crazy when the babies hear.
Its each to their own though i suppose.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/03/2015 22:49

Im just going to say to family if you post pics when ive said no pics then its the block button im afraid. Ive had too long of people walking over me well no more and especially not now with a baby on the way

OP posts:
OddBodkins · 14/03/2015 22:57

Stick to your guns. I'm choosy about what I put up too. When I was very ill I didn't put anything up and banned my family from doing so too. I just don't use fbook like that and that's my choice. My cousins didn't want any of their wedding pics on fbook, everyone respected that, likewise their baby. I think it's very wrong of others to try to bully you into making public something you'd rather not.

stitch10yearson · 14/03/2015 23:00

yab perfectly reasonable to not want to post pictures yourself, but you are being very unreasonable not to allow anyone else to post pictures. proud grandmothers and aunts etc.

Original poster
traceybaybee · 14/03/2015 23:06

Why is it unreasonable though stitch? Surely i have the right to decide if i want my baby's image to be online? And in this case i clearly dont and if family or anybody disrespects that id be deeply hurt.

OP posts:
TipTapWentTheCrab · 15/03/2015 14:28

Totally agree about leaving it to your children to make their own decisions about what they want posted on the internet.

However, I do think that with social media being so new it can be difficult because as a society we are still working out what etiquette should look like. My parents' generation spread this kind of news in Christmas cards, and everyone knew they had to wait to hear it and that was fine. Nowadays a lot of people share stuff straight away so if people's expectations aren't met they can feel shut out.

If you bump into an acquaintance and chat about their dog, say, and she's heavily pregnant, you'd notice and talk about that too. If you have the chat about the dog online and later on you find out she was pregnant at the time but didn't bother to tell you, you might feel a bit not wanted.

So I very much support you not talking about your baby on Facebook. But I also think we need to be sensitive about other people being surprised about this.

TipTapWentTheCrab · 15/03/2015 14:31

Charlotte3333 and AGirlCalledBoB: Both your stories are really sad. Flowers

wheresthelight · 15/03/2015 17:02

yadnbu and I say that as someone who has lots of photos of dd on facebook. mine is very tightly locked down but I live miles away from family so it is the easiest way to share everything!

your baby your rules

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/03/2015 17:19

I think you need to make your feelings clear now before this escalates. It can be hard to explain why you don't want stuff online without sounding critical of people who do.

I had a member of my family post "congratulations" on my fb wall after I gave birth and they later posted photos that I got removed. Pissed me right off.

In my view, parents get to make the decisions on this stuff until children can make their own decisions. Same as for whether they eat meat or go to church etc. Tough luck for grandparents/aunts who disagree.