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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CM wanting to attend nursery parent teacher meetings with me

21 replies

CogNog · 14/03/2015 15:28

Dd has been going to cm since 9 months old and has done really well there. She started at the school nursery 12 months ago half days there and half days still cm.

CM has been asking to come to parent teachers meetings so she can align with what dd is doing at nursery. She's rather annoyed the school doesn't want to cooperate with her regarding dd's early learning

I have so far managed to attend one on my own and had to miss one (which she offered to attend on my behalf and was a little put out when l said no).

She is lovely, dd has done well with her but AIBU to think l am right to not want her to attend parent teacher meetings with me?

To be fair l have skittered around it with her because l haven't wanted to actually say no. I really thought as a parent herself she would get it?!

OP posts:

houseofnerds · 14/03/2015 15:31

No. Overstepping of boundaries.

finnbarrcar · 14/03/2015 15:31

I think it's overstepping the mark..big time. As a teacher I would find it quite strange for a childminder to attend a parent-teacher conference, in all my years of teaching I can honestly say this has never happened to me or anyone else I know.

She sounds a bit over-invested.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 14/03/2015 15:32

never heard anything like it, what a daft idea.

I could see perhaps, if your child had severe SEN and was getting extra help in school etc, it may be an advantage for the CM to hear about new strategies etc straight from the teachers mouth with you, so that all parties were working in the same way, but really, no, she is overstepping the mark!

Original poster

CogNog · 14/03/2015 15:35

I think the teacher will think it strange also! She just wants the best for dd but l have sometimes thought we aren't co - parenting here

OP posts:

Bonkerz · 14/03/2015 15:35

It is actually a regulation laid out in the eyfs that childminders need to work with other agencies involved with the children they care for. This doesn't need to be face to face though. Any reports or next steps your childminder writes for your child should be sent to nursery and any reports etc written by nursery should be shared with childminder. It's best practice to ensure the child gets all round continuity of care.

MissusThePoint · 14/03/2015 15:36

That's just weird.

Am I being thick, or have you not said how old your DC is?

I'd would hazard a guess that cm has been reading too much about 'early years education' and now wants to put her new found 'expertise' in to practise on your DC!!

Blame it on the school - tell her they won't allow it, it's never been heard of, confidentiality etc. And say that if you wanted DC to have full time education you'd have her in nursery full time and suggest she just concentrate on the nice one-to-one fun stuff. Somehow put it nicer than that though, obviously.

Original poster

CogNog · 14/03/2015 15:40

Bonkerz yes that's what CM has said and l totally get that and appreciate where she is coming from in that sense and the scho are not sharing with her which is her frustration.

But l want to chat to dd's teacher on my own. I don't think l should have to give that up and share that time with CM. AIBU in thinking that then?

OP posts:

Original poster

CogNog · 14/03/2015 15:41

Dd is 4

OP posts:

MissusThePoint · 14/03/2015 15:42

OMG, really Bonkerz?! Jesus... does everything in childhood now have to be targeted and documented?

My 2 DCs have been with me permanently until they were 3yo. No early years curriculum, no reports, no groups or classes. Just us. Funnily enough they both managed to learn their colours, numbers, letter sounds and social skills just fine.

MissusThePoint · 14/03/2015 15:44

BTW - I really late makes me sound ancient!

My DCs and 4 and 3.

Losingmyreligion · 14/03/2015 15:46

Of course the school is not sharing with her. That would be inappropriate and illegal. It is for you to inform her as you wish of what is going on at school. She's not a teacher but she thinks she is and expects to be treated like one.

Dontknow87 · 14/03/2015 15:46

I know several CMs and they don't do this. Maybe go by yourself and offer to go over the main points of the meeting afterwards with her

AhDinnaeKen · 14/03/2015 15:47

Bonkers - that is all

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/03/2015 15:49

Over invested is right.

Keep saying no.

TheFullGammon · 14/03/2015 15:57

My DC attended 2 settings (preschool and nursery) and they did meet and compare notes. I'd have thought this is a good thing and my DC loved showing their nursery keyperson round their preschool. But I don't think parent teacher meetings are the right setting for this at all.

insancerre · 14/03/2015 16:00

She is asuch an educator as the nursery teacher is in that they have the same targets to meet as they are both following the same eyfs curriculum
Its not illegal and its not a safeguarding issue for the nursery to share information with the cm. In fact it is considered good practice.
I don't think the cm is over invested, she is just trying to do her job.
Op why don't you ask the nursery to share their info with the xm- it will only benefit your child not disadvantage her.

KeturahLee · 14/03/2015 16:04

CM is trying to fulfil what she is supposed to, but going about it the wrong way. If the nursery is refusing to co-operate with her she needs to document that to show an Ofsted inspector that she has tried.

I would say no to her attending meetings, but you could maybe borrow her learning diary from nursery for the CM to look at.

monkeysaymoo · 14/03/2015 16:05

Tell her you are happy for her to information share with nursery but parents evening is an opportunity for YOU to discuss your child and you would rather your slot wasn't taken up by discussion between the CM and Keyworker

Hygellig · 14/03/2015 16:21

That sounds a bit strange. I found the nursery parents' meeting very brief and could have conveyed the information to another person in a few minutes (as I did to DH) - you will be able to update your CM without her having to attend.

Original poster

CogNog · 14/03/2015 16:22

I am happy to share dd report with CM. The problem was it didn't make much sense to cm as it's done electronically as well.

I just want to attend the p/t on my own. Which seems IANBU to want.

Ok l will speak with school and cm to try to sort.

OP posts:

Bonkerz · 15/03/2015 18:52

This regulation was detour in 2009 but is critical really since 2011 and I know many childminders who have been downgraded to unsatisfactory because they cannot prove working in partnership. That being said if your childminder documents her attempts at working with school/nursery ie a copy of an introductory letter to nursery saying who she is and how she would like to share info then that should be enough. She doesn't need to go to meetings etc. I send reports to other settings detailing how child is doing with me and what things we are working on. They have never replied to me either! It seems childminders are not seen as professionals and I'm certainly looked down on despite have a degree in early years and having been a nursery manager and having an outstanding grade from ofsted!

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