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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to go to my cousin's funeral.

40 replies

Dowser · 14/03/2015 12:35

It's in Wales and I understand that women don't go to funerals in Wales.

It seems odd to me being English as I've been too many but if that is the custom I will just have to abide by it.

I wouldn't fancy being the only women there.

OP posts:
exWifebeginsat40 · 14/03/2015 12:36

also, dogs can't look up.

really? no women at Welsh funerals?

really?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 14/03/2015 12:36

really??? i have never heard that one, I'm sure a friend went to her welsh fathers funeral in wales !

exWifebeginsat40 · 14/03/2015 12:37

sorry for your loss, by the way...

PHANTOMnamechanger · 14/03/2015 12:37

or is this a TAAT or some other joke i have missed?

Thisissomething · 14/03/2015 12:37

That's a very old custom and I don't think anyone adheres to that nowadays unless they want to. I have been to funerals in wales with lots of women there ( and a few older women chose not to go and stayed to prepare the wake. Don't think you would have a problem if you wanted to go.

CMOTDibbler · 14/03/2015 12:38

It depends on the specific place and family, but a friends family in the valleys certainly still don't do women at the graveside, though they go to the service

TidyDancer · 14/03/2015 12:39

Wtf? I am part Welsh and have been to funerals in Wales. Maybe my family are weird (distinct possibility....).

PHANTOMnamechanger · 14/03/2015 12:39

so the mother, sisters, wife, daughter, or best female friend of a deceased person could not go to their funeral? where DID you hear this?

Boreoff456 · 14/03/2015 12:40

I have lady bits and have been to funerals in Wales. Never heard of it. X

thenextday · 14/03/2015 12:42

Don't be ridiculous. Of course they can.

AlternativeTentacles · 14/03/2015 12:42

I have lady bits and I I have been to funerals in Wales.

What are you on about OP?

sticklebrickstickle · 14/03/2015 12:42

I'm in Wales and definitely ever heard this, I've been to a few funerals and always they were attended by women.

Definitely don't think this is a normal custom here, maybe a very old fashioned tradition but not followed by anyone I know.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 14/03/2015 12:42

Eh? I am from Wales and have literally never heard of this. Is someone having you on?

Thisissomething · 14/03/2015 12:43

And yes as CMOT says is specifically the graveside not the church service.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 14/03/2015 12:45

Erm, I was at a Welsh funeral last week. Lots of women there. I have never heard of this. I've been graveside too Confused

Have you been told specifically by the organisers?

tabulahrasa · 14/03/2015 12:46

I really doubt you'll be the only woman there - it used to be the case in Scotland that women didn't go to the graveside...but, you're talking 40 years ago where you'd be the only woman at a grave.

I can't see Wales being any different.

Iloveonionchutney · 14/03/2015 12:47

I've lived in Wales all my life and the only time I've heard of this was when it was being arranged by a lady in her 80s and even then it was only her and her immediate family that stayed in the house where the wake was being held, the rest of us went to the whole service!

tabulahrasa · 14/03/2015 12:48

More than 40 years ago that should be...

fatowl · 14/03/2015 12:51

Also been to a funeral in North Wales in the past month (Burial)- loads of woman

Two funerals in South Wales in the last two year, one burial, one cremation, plenty of women.

Born and bred in Wales- never heard of such a thing

I'm sorry for your loss, do go if you want.

thatstoast · 14/03/2015 13:01

Is someone saying you can't go? I'm welsh and, like pp, not aware of any custom which prevents women going to funerals.

Original poster
Dowser · 14/03/2015 13:03

Well I'm not welsh, so wouldn't know any different.

We haven't heard what the funeral arrangements are yet btw. He only passed away yesterday but I do remember some female family members years ago telling me that women don't attend funerals.

This is Cardiff area btw not the valleys .

I did think it was strange but then different nationalities do have different customs.

When my Muslim friend died women didn't go to the burial.

Thank you for your kindness. He was a very special person .

OP posts:
Original poster
Dowser · 14/03/2015 13:09

I was beginning to think I'd made it up. Anyway I did a google search. I can't post the exact quotes but there's a few references here

forum.saysomethingin.com/t/a-question-about-welsh-funeral-customs/817

OP posts:
NobodyLivesHere · 14/03/2015 13:14

It IS an old custom whereby men went to the graveside and the women stayed home and did a spread. But it's a custom that died out for the most part a good while ago. You should of course go. X

sparkysparkysparky · 14/03/2015 13:17

I'm sorry for your loss.
This sounds as obselete as the op on another thread who thought you had to wear a hat if going to a Catholic funeral.
Your presence will be a wonderful support to the immediate family.

WhatsOnTheMenu · 14/03/2015 13:20

I'm Welsh - it is very rare now for a funeral to be "men only" but it used to be very common in rural areas up until quite recently. I was one of only three women at my cousins burial 30 years ago, I was at my uncles burial at the same graveyard last year and it was 50/50 men and women. (My aunt did not attend her sons' burial but did attend her husbands').